Aw Man!

Ugh, the past 48 hours will be the death of me.  This morning we got information that Greg's Grandmother's heart stopped and it took them about 10 minutes to start it back up.  *Which I think is a lie...because how can your heart not beat for 10 minutes without you DYING?...but I'm picking my battles.*  With Greg's mom still recovering from her stroke(s) we are trying to keep her calm, but it's not working.  They are waiting three days, doing a brain scan to see if there's any activity and if there's not...they're pulling the plug.  Apparently this woman refuses to give up.  She's a fighter.  But she might not survive this battle.  

It's really sad.  And although I don't know her...I cried.  She seems like such a sweet woman. 

Last night Greg told me that he thinks it's time Jaden goes into his crib. :(  As much as I was on the fence about co-sleeping..ok...bed sharing...I'm going to miss it!  The only time my little man snuggles is at night.  (Although he is starting to give "ai-ie's"...so cute.)  

It's going to be even harder since...Jaden is teething.  Yup.  The resident confirmed it yesterday.  She said she felt all 4...count 'em...FOUR bottom teeth coming in.  She said they were wayyyy down there but they're coming.  Great.  If that wasn't enough...I got more issues too.  

When Jaden had his cold he refused to nurse off my right breast.  Okay...I'll pump and then whenever I can get him on that side, he'll eat.  Well...he only eats when we're laying down.  A little uncomfortable, but manageable.  Now since he's not eating "well enough" off that breast, I'm not responding to my pump.  Grrrr.  I can only get a few drops out!  Painful but okay...gotta make him eat off that side.

Well now he's doing the same thing to the left breast.  He'll fuss...latch...fuss while sucking...unlatch...fuss...latch...and so on and so on for 10 minutes if I let him.  He'll finally get so frustrated he goes to sleep then I can feed him.  *Sleep nursing is awesome and it's the only time I can get a good feeding in.*

Miserable baby = miserable mommy.

Annddddd to top it off...I have not been able to go to sleep before midnight for the past three nights.  This.  Is.  Getting.  Old.

But I must say I found a new toy I want to get Jaden.  Yes..it's 17 dollars for a chew toy.  But I think it's cute!

It's called a "Sophie the Giraffe".  I think it's adorable.  I want my son to have it.  It's a teether.  And I think it'll make my life a little better.

And now I think it's bedtime.

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

Don't Underestimate Me.

When I got pregnant I heard a lot of things from a lot of naysayers.  "You'll breastfeed for 6 weeks then throw in the towel."  "With your history of depression, you'll have post partum depression."  "You won't be able to handle being a mother and a wife."  "You'll never get yourself out of debt."  And the one that hurt the most:  "You'll never be a good mother."

Yea.  With friends/ family like that...who needs enemies?

I will admit that one of those lines are correct.  I have to deal with post partum depression.  About 3 weeks after Jaden was born, I decided that I needed some help and I went on Zoloft.  I wasn't proud, but I knew it was for my son.  That made it a little easier to accept.  Now, almost 3 months later, I feel that I don't need those pills anymore.  Who knows, I may lapse...but I know I can do it.

Now...onto proving myself. 

• It's been three months...and I still love breastfeeding.  Is it hard?  Sure!  But it's something I feel very strongly about.  When we stop that's up to Jaden.  Come hell or high water, I will provide nutrion for my son.
• Yea...I'll admit, for the first few weeks I didn't do much.  But then again, I had a very difficult recovery from my c-section.  Greg and I might have our issues but we're making it work. 
• Debt is a terrible thing.  I'm trying my hardest to get out of it.  It's not easy, espcially since we barely scrape by.  I don't ask for handouts.  Yes, Jaden and I are on state insurance, big deal.  I'm not on food stamps.  Or cash assistance.  And I'm not on WIC.  I could be...we qualify...but we can make it so far without.

Lastly...

A big SCREW YOU goes out to anyone who thinks I'm not doing all I can for my child.  I realize that I'm not married to his father.  And why yes, we do live with my in laws.  Does that make me a terrible mother?  No...didn't think so.  We pay rent.  Buy our own food.  Jaden has his own crib and room.  He's always clean.  Has clean clothes.  And a clean diaper.  He's happy, healthy and thrieving.  He weighs an impressive 16 pounds 3 ounces.  He's exceeding his milestones.  So I think I'm doing my job pretty well.

I might not have all the newest toys for him.  And I might cuddle him a little too much.  However, no baby has EVER been a failure to thrieve because they didn't have the newest toys or enjoyed cuddle time.

Jaden is independent.  He loves to stand and babble and discover.  He brightens the whole room.  And anyone who graced his presence knows how special of a little boy he is.

That's because of Greg and myself.  Do not dismiss me because I'm not "educated" enough.  I know what I need to know...and if I don't...I learn.  Greg may have a low paying job.  He may never win the lottery...but I won the jackpot of love with him.

I may be young but I am more mature than some people older than me. 

Go ahead...underestimate me.  That just makes me prove you wrong.

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

Two posts within 24 hours? *tmi!*

Both of my men are sleeping soundly.  Although I was so against co-sleeping in the beginning I'm really enjoying it.   I just find it very funny that a tiny 16 pound baby takes up more room than his not so little mommy.


It does pose it's problems though.  For one, Greg and I can't have...alone time.  Granted my sex drive is ohhhh next to zero but it is starting to come back (I'll explain why in a moment).  It's kind of hard to have sexiness and adult cuddles when there's a little guy in between.  Perhaps I might move his crib into our room.  From there we might transition him to his own room?  I don't know.  In fact, I'm pretty sure he would do great in his crib, in his own room.  I think I'm the one who will have separation anxiety.


But, I can't sleep with him in the bed anymore.  It's painful for me since I sleep on the edge of the bed.  Never have I had so many knots in my back.  But its so easy to put him back to sleep!  He starts crying, I pull out a boobie and within 5 minutes he's clunked out and I'm off to dream land.


But, there is a price to pay.  Greg and I have been having some issues lately.  My sex drive has been non existent since Boo was born.  Which its normal for new moms to just not be in the mood like they once were.  It's especially hard for me since I am so disgusted by my new "motherly" body.  Let's face it.  I am super obese.  It's not even a matter of aesthetics anymore.  It's a health issue.  When I look in the mirror, I want to cry.  I am proud of every stretch mark that handsome little boy gave me...but...Momma is ready to lose the weight.


Sorry, I got off track.


Point is, Greg has never been more attracted to me.  He says that I am even more beautiful then the day he met me because I am the mother of his child.  (OMG can you say AWWWW?)  But I don't feel beautiful.  In fact, I feel down right ugly.  Since I don't have any self esteem...I don't want sex.  Which leads to me asking Greg about a million times a day why he can't keep his hands off of me or why he can't just be sweet instead of raunchy all the time. 


Because of this, I slowly started to tap out of the relationship.


I'll admit it.  I am madly in love with my fiancee.  I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with him.  But, I was prepared to walk away from it all and tell him that I can't be what he wants me to be anymore.


When I told him that I was getting ready to leave with Jaden for a week...he finally got the message.


He understood that I need a break from our little guy.  Yes, I love him with all my heart...but Momma needs a little breather.  I need to spend a few hours away so I remember what it's like to miss Greg.   And I need a chance to be away from Boo so he doesn't always cling to me.  I might sound selfish...but I give up so much already.  I would give anything for them.  But right now.  I need just a little for me.

We just have to work on a few things.  I'm not ready to give up.  But I'm also not willing to be walked over like I was.

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

Call me old fashioned...

This year has been one of the best years of my life.  And in this Christmas season I've decided that I want to show my family and loved ones just how special they are to me.  I will admit, in previous years I wouldn't give much thought to a gift.  I'd simply would get a gift certificate for whomever I was thinking about.  However, this year, I want to make it a little more personal.

Although, I am having a real hard time thinking of presents for some people.  I don't associate with anyone who is "difficult" to shop for persey, but I'm still horrible at gift giving.  Everything I seem to think is a "good fit" is either too generic or somehow not right. 

Yes, I have tons of ideas...I'm just hoping that people would actually enjoy them this year.  This truly is the first year that I'm putting real thought into presents.  Everyone...not just Jaden and Greg.

Speaking of which...I cannot for the life of me figure out anything I want for Christmas.  Oh well, I guess Greg is on his own. :P

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

Ohh, here's our little Charlie Brown Tree

Am I becoming one of those hippy moms?

Okay...let me first say...that last year at this time I was *newly* pregnant.  Yes, I knew already.  I was practically sick from day one.

With that being said...onto the post:

I'm not exactly sure how to word this, but I'm going to try my best. 

I have been thinking about different things I want to do for Jaden.  I knew I wanted to breastfeed for at least 6 weeks.  Then it became 3 months...then 6...then a year.  Now, I'm thinking I want to let him self wean.  Not only do I want to self wean, but I also want to continue to pump (as long as I'm still producing milk) and donating it.  *Which I haven't told Greg...I'm sure he would be supportive...after much discussion* 


Something that newly popped into my head was maybe to start cloth diapering.  I realize I might be crazy...but I think it'll be good.  I have no idea why I'm thinking I want to start, but I think it's because I realize how much money we spend on disposable diapers.  Seriously, he goes through about 14 diapers a day and that means we go through about 400 diapers a month!  That adds up quick.  And besides, cloth diaper covers are so cute.  (And can be made from old t-shirts)

Yes, I know I might sound a little nuts.  I've become a co-sleeping, breastfeeding, cloth diaper considering, vaccinating, possible extended rear facing, baby wearing momma.

Pretty much, I'm becoming a "hippy" mom.  And I'm okay with that. 

Just further shows how your life changes with that first cry.  And will continue to change as he grows.

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

Christmas Shopping

I'm not going to lie, this is the first year in about, oh, 15 years that I've been excited for Christmas.  How can I not be?  It's Boo's first Christmas...and that's a big deal for me.  Yes, this year is more for Greg and I to celebrate...but it's still going to be a good year. 

Although I'm so excited for Christmas to come...I hate Christmas shopping.  And what exactly do you get a then 4 month old?  Yea...no clue.  We already got him a bumbo seat...which I'm sure he's going to love.  But other than that...what to get him?  Clothes?  Diapers?  

I'm clueless. 

His dad however...has NO shortage of a Christmas list for me.  Everything from gift cards to a tattoo to an air brush with an air compressor.  Pretty much he wants stuff that he can say "oooo look what I got" then not to mess with it again. 

'Cause that's the kind of man he can be.  No doubt, both of my men are going to make out like bandits..even if it breaks the bank slightly.   What can I say...they deserve the best.  No...I don't want to blow all of our money on material things because that's not what Christmas is about.  However, Greg gave up a lot this past year...and if I wanna spoil Jaden a little...that's my choice.

For me, I don't want anything.  I just want Jaden and Greg to have a good day.  I did want a moby wrap, but I don't want anyone to spend the money on it.  I think it's too much, and way too "lavish" for me.

Well, the kiddo is waking up.  Gotta wrap this up.

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

Oh Noes...I use my breasts for what??? *slight TMI*

I do not claim to be a "lactivist" by any definition of the word.  I do not want to be critical of how any mother plans to feed their child.  But, I have to say this.



*Stands on soapbox*
I know that some women do not want to be bothered with the demand/ stress/ some times painful process of breastfeeding.  Honestly, I could give two shits if you want to give your child artificial milk, pumped breast milk, or milk "straight from the tap".  Breast is best.  *Added:  If you are doing meth, maybe you shouldn't breastfeed.*  It's proven.  However, I know that it's not for everyone.  Again...I don't care what you do with your child. 


For me, I prefer to give my son the "boobie milk".  And no, I don't want to be bothered with bottles.  I'm lazy.  Who wants to get a clean bottle, make sure the formula is mixed properly, warm (but not too warm) and then clean a bottle once baby is done?  Pshhh In the middle of the night all I have to do is pull out my breast and stick it in his mouth.  That's ultimate convince.

I didn't always feel this way.  I was brought up that babies get bottles...and that breasts were for sex.  As a mother, I see things completely different.  However, I am still amazed at some people's ignorance on breastfeeding.  Now, I am not an expert by any means.  Yes, I've only been breastfeeding for 75 days but that's still longer than some women.  (Again, I'm not trying to dismiss any women's choice on how they feed their children.)

The other day I was at the local flea market and we stopped for milkshakes.  The stand is run by a woman and her daughter usually is there also.  The woman (who we saw very often while I was pregnant) asked if she could hold the baby.  I didn't mind.  Her granddaughter (6) came up and asked "Nana, are you keeping that baby?"  To which she replied "No honey, I don't have any formula."  Her daughter then wrinkled her nose (as did I) as her granddaughter asked "What's that?"  I won't lie, it made me feel good.  That question should be asked more often.  Later on in the day though, I got looks when I openly nursed Jaden.  I try to be modest.  I go into the bathroom to latch him on.  And I try to keep a blanket over my bare breast.  It doesn't always work, since little man loathes a cover.  (Who can blame him?  I wouldn't want a blanket over my head/ food while I ate.)  I still get looks.  I still see the thought pop into people's heads "What is she doing?"

Even tonight:  We were out to dinner with Greg's family.  Jaden was SO good though the whole meal until close to the end.  He was hungry.  I went to the bathroom, latched him on and came back out.  His Aunt Rachael questioned if I should just feed him in the bathroom since there was a lot of teenage boys in the restaurant.  I simply said "Nope.  I'm not ashamed of what I'm doing."  And I'm not.  Nothing was showing.  I practically had my head under the blanket too so Jaden wouldn't pull the blanket off.  Once he fell asleep, I unlatched him and held him.  (He ate for a total of 5 minutes.) And all without showing a hint of nipple.

This makes me mad.  I'm sorry but if it was a bottle I wouldn't be stared at.  But since I have a child basically attached to me, I'm doing something "dirty."  I don't sit with my boob out; nor do I try to bring extra attention to myself and what I'm doing.  No, I don't think that there are "perverts" out there who are watching me nursing my son and getting sick ideas in their head.  Because if I did, that just further fuels the misconception that what I'm doing is a "sexual" act. 

*Jumps off soapbox*

Maybe, I'm a lactivist after all.

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

I hate shots.

Jaden had his 2 month appointment on Tuesday.  He's now a whopping 14lbs 13oz.  He is 25 inches long and his head is 16 and 1/4 inches big.  I cannot believe how huge he is.  I guess that "momma's milk" is helping.  He is doing perfect.  The doctor told me that he is meeting all of his milestones and is "right on track".  No teethers yet...and definitely NO thrush!  YAY!

And then...he got shots.

OH LORD!  I cried more than he did!  But he did well...until that afternoon.  He woke up from his "drug" induced nap and screamed.  He didn't want to be held, or layed down, or standing up (on his legs), or walked around.  He wasn't wet, he didn't have gas, no interest in eating, or sleeping.   He was just miserable.  Finally, he calmed down enough for me to nurse him for about 30 seconds until he passed out. 

It wasn't fun, let me tell you.

That's all for my quick update.  Now it's off to do some tummy time and play. 

...Have I mentioned how much I LOVE this job?!?  It's seriously the best.

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

Teething already?!

There is new found evidence that my son isn't really a newborn.  He is, in fact, a very (okay, maybe not so tiny) toddler.  Most newborns love to cuddle.  Nope...not my little porker.  He likes to stand on Mommy's belly and blow raspberries.  (Which is ADORABLE!)  He tries to talk.  And if you don't talk to him, watch out.  He will get mad and scream.  The latest in my reasoning for not believing I have a "itty bitty baby" is the fact that he may be teething!  Good grief!  I can't handle this.  Where's my little baby?

Oh, that's right...I have born to an infant...not a newborn.  How could I have forgotten?

While most people think I'm insane for saying my son is teething:  I do have my reasons.  We have been successfully breastfeeding for 8...yes..EIGHT...weeks now!  I know that there is a little pain associated with breastfeeding, but not this far in the game.  Nor, will it suddenly happen after the pain being gone for weeks.  He has a new found habit of biting on my nipple (Sorry, TMI)  and then RIPPING his mouth away.  Yes, it's a tiny bit painful.  Not only that, but he has discovered his hands and proceeds to bite on them.  Plus, a low grade fever.   Plus, excessive drooling.  Plus, he is fussy.  PLUS, tugging on his ears.  I am almost 100% sure that my little man...at 8 weeks old...is teething. (I'm only unsure because there is a possiblity that it could be thrush...and i'm not sure which I'd prefer.)

He's growing up too fast.  :(

But other than that...he's too perfect. 

Over the past few weeks his personality is showing a lot more.  He's very laid back.  And nosey.  He can be content hanging out by himself, but he perfers to be talked to.  Jaden likes to be vocal...and if you are paying attention to something other than him...he'll let you know.  Not only that, he's exploring his world in ways he can.  I must say, it makes me proud as a Momma.

Lots of firsts have already happened.   First trick or treat night.  First giggle.  First raspberry blown.  First smile.  Many more to come.  :D 

Happy Early Two Month Birthday, Jaden!

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

Gas drops, smiles and co-sleeping.

Jaden is growing like a weed!  At his one month check up (OMG!) he weighed in at 12 pounds, 10 ounces and grew almost 2 inches.  PLUS his head grew an inch.  Whoever said breastfed babies are tiny were mistaken.  He is in the 95th precentile for height and weight...and even the nurses say he's not chunky he's perfect. 

The only problem we have is that he's a very gassy baby.  I have practically cut out every gas causing food from my diet, but it doesn't seem to be enough.  And since his little belly "sounds like a bass drum" we have now started to give him gas drops.  Everyone says they are a life saver but since we started using them he refuses to nap for me during the day.  Although he's still a very happy baby, I can tell that he's going to be very vocial.

He is starting to show off his personality.  And with that, he's smiling more.  Which makes me smile.  And he's cooing...awww melts my heart.

Since I'm starting to heal a little better (On Monday I'm giving my pump back) we have transitioned into different sleeping postions.  At first he slept on me or on the floor in his bouncer with daddy.  We are now offically co-sleeping.  And once I am able to get up out of bed a little easier, he will be in his crib.  I'll be able to use my glider (that I couldn't fit in because of the extra fluid)  and get him into a sleep routine.  Jaden is already doing well with night time feedings...he just needs to learn that mommy's boobies aren't his pillows. 

As for me, I'm physically healing...slowly.  Mentaly, I'm healing too.  My OB is really amazing...he "perscribed" me to talk about me for a half an hour a day to anyone.  He doesn't believe I have PPD, but I need to talk things out so I don't get overwhelmed.  It's helping...I no longer want to kill my dear Greg.

Well that's it for now!

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

Sleep when the baby sleeps...

..Pretty much every experienced mother gave me that advice.  It sounds simple enough.  Whenever the baby sleeps, you nap.  Don't worry about cleaning or getting much done...you have a newborn to take care of!  Hmmm yea...easier said then done.  I can't sleep knowing that there is a chance that Jaden will stop breathing.  I literally watch his chest rise and fall.  I'm pretty sure this is unhealthy.  Especially since now I've been having nightmares when I do fall asleep.

I'm so jealous of Greg because he can sleep.  He doesn't have nightmares.  Just me.  And it's to the point where it's starting to effect me.  The headaches, the general bitchyness and that groggy feeling.

I just may never sleep again.

And although, in the end, just seeing Jaden's face makes things all better...it would be even nicer if didn't fight napping now.  My once quiet, sleeping little angel is now awake all morning and refuses anything but boob.  He sleeps well during the night, but, during the day is a different story.

What is he doing now?  Sleeping.  What am I doing?  Wishing I was sleeping.  What's Greg doing?  Yelling at me to come to bed.  Cause we both know it's gonna be a long night again tonight.

Upside...next weekend...as long as the Vertis Gods work with us...we will be in my hometown. <3.  This whole "having a baby thing" makes me miss my family. :(

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

A quick update while the baby is entertained.

Basically in the past few weeks I have become a mother, a cow, a pacifier, a pillow and of course, a lovie.  Let me just say this...my boy is definitely my fiance's son.  He LOVES to eat (a.k.a. boobs) and he is super nosey.  If he can't look around, he gets pissed.

He's growing like a weed though.  Whoever said: "they don't stay little for long" was so right.  Even in three weeks, he looks completely different and I can tell he's going to grow up way too fast.  Now if only he will sleep in his crib.  One day it'll happen.

As far as me, I'm still healing.  When they removed my staples from my incision, my wound opened up.  For a week or so they were packing it (basically stuffing it with a medical "ribbon") but the doctor decided she wanted it closed...NOW.  I now have a wound VAC and I cannot wait to get it removed.  It's bulky, it gets in the way, and the alarms are LOUD.  It's supposed to help close faster, but only time will tell.

Well the baby is starting to get fussy.  I'm pretty sure he wants to eat again. :) 

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

I haven't forgotten to blog, I swear.

Things have just been really busy/stressful since Jaden's arrival.  I'm getting used to having a little one around, but it is a big adjustment.  Everyday I swear he gets bigger.  And everyday I swear I get a little more tired. 

Things have been...hard...lately.  I find myself being angry at Greg a lot.  There's no reason for my anger but I can't help it.  I know he has to work, but he doesn't realize that my job doesn't have an 8 hour day.  Even when I think I'm done, I keep going.  Maybe I resent him for being able to sleep while I have to watch Jaden's chest go up and down.  Maybe I worry that somehow I don't measure up.

Maybe I need to talk to my OB on Monday about possible PPD.

...Maybe what I thought I could avoid, is unavoidable.

Although I am 2 weeks out from having him, I'm still having a rough recovery.  When they removed my staples my incision opened up.  I now have to go back twice a week to make sure it doesn't get infected.  Everyday I have to deal with the nerve pain that's associated with a c-section.  And although it's not as bad as it once was, it still hurts.  And the weird "fluid pouch" that happened following my surgery is still there and showing no signs of going away.

I don't want to say that my birthing experience wasn't pleasant, but the recovery is hell.

*Speaking of me being angry...I just had to yell at Greg because apparently, I can't have 10 minutes to update my blog.  No, I have to talk to him constantly...plus ward off his advances...soothe our son (since he's a "momma's boy")...and make about a million decisions about our life.*

Jaden is doing extremely well.  He's breastfeeding and is a pro at it.  We had some ups and downs but he knows what he's doing.  He eats alot though.  I swear he's about 12 lbs so far, and can no longer fit into a size 0-3month pant.  His little legs are so long!  He's a pretty happy kid.  He doesn't really fuss or anything.  And he sleeps pretty good too.  If only he would sleep in his crib though...that would be awesome. 

Here's some pictures:

 

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

He's here!

I would love to write out my whole birth story at this time, but the little one is sleeping, so I'm pretty sure that's my cue to take a nap. 
But with that being said...I can still show him off, right?

Introducing...
Jaden Alexander Thomas.
Born: September 9th 2010 at 3:56am via c-section
Weight: 10lbs 5.8oz.  Length: 22inches

Last Post As A MommyToBee

I have started to write this post over and over since I've become full term.  Then, at my due date, I almost had it posted, but realized that my pregnancy journey still wasn't done.  So, with a heavy heart (and empty arms) I deleted it and decided to write a new one once I felt the time was right.

While I don't know what to say, all I can do is just hope that somehow I'll be a good mother.  I know that in the end, it doesn't matter if Boo has all the latest toys or that his clothes are brand new.  What matters the most is that he's taken care of, protected and loved.  I may doubt myself at times about how I can take care of a child, I know that he will never go without love.

In my previous drafts I have long explanations about how my pregnancy has brought me to where I am; but now they no longer seem to hold merit.  So instead, I leave with a letter to my son.  (Who at this current moment is going nuts inside my belly.)

BooBoo:
Christmas Eve morning was one of the best mornings ever.  That's when I first knew about you.  Sure, I had an idea before...but that little test confirmed it.  You were growing inside of me.  And from that moment on, I knew my life wouldn't be the same.  You filled a little hole inside of my heart that was empty.  When I told your Daddy, he cried.  Not tears of sadness, but we were just so happy to know that you were coming.

From the moment I saw you on the first ultrasound, I knew you were going to be a hand full.  Even the technician said that you were bouncing around and full of life.  You didn't want to sit still enough for him to get your hear beat.  When you were finally big enough for us to hear your heartbeat, it was the sweetest sound that anyone could ever hope for.  I still pray everyday to hear that precious sound. 

Then when it came time to "see" you again you were much bigger.  We found out that you were a boy!  Something that I secretly knew the whole time.  We saw you move and kick and suck on your wrist.  I wished then that I could give you the world...because that's what you deserve.

You continued to grow and grow.  And I got to know your personality a little more.  Yes, even when you were in my tummy you liked to make Mommy worry.  Sometimes you didn't want to move.  And other times you only wanted to move when Mommy was tired and just wanted to go to sleep.  I knew that to get rid of your hiccups I have to hold and rock you.   And how when Mommy gets upset you kick me in my ribs.  And yet somehow, when I'm upset you can console me like no one else.

We patiently waited for your arrival, even when I thought you were done in there.  You decided that you were in the one in control, and refused to budge.  But now it's time that you'll be here very, very soon.  And while I'm sad that you'll no longer be inside of me, I cannot wait to have you in my arms.  You'll never know how much I love you, Boo.  You'll never know how much you changed my life. 

I love you so much my precious little one,
Mommy

Sleep is wasted on me.

I haven't slept right for the past few nights.  I had this problem last week and it's starting to get to me.  At night I'm up for hours at a time just tossing and turning. Although when I do sleep it's pretty decent...but it takes me hours to wake up.  I can't shake the sleepies.  I know it's because I am so uncomfortable.  I can't roll over by myself.  And if I somehow manage to lay on my back, it's like a turtle trying to get off its' back.  I keep telling myself that I won't be like this forever.  Eventually he will be out and although I'll have to deal with a newborn then, maybe sleep won't be so difficult. 

I'm sure I'm going to those words hardcore.

I'm not sure if my lack of sleep is causing my next problem: severe mood swings.  They aren't like the mood swings I've had so far.  Basically I've been crying like it's going out of style.  Yea, it's probably lack of sleep and me stressing out and all the bullshit that goes into late (LATE) pregnancy.  All I know is that I want it to stop.  Everytime Greg turns the corner I'm crying for some reason or another.

To make matters worse; Greg's sister (Lori), 16 year old neice (Donea) and twin nephews (Zach and Aaron) were in a car accident last night.  They were taken by ambulence to Hershey Medical Center and the kids were admitted.  It's super difficult to get any sort of information.  I know that Donea was driving (she just got her permit, pulled out in front of a car, and was t-boned), one of the twins had to have emergency surgery.  We also got news that one of the twins fractured his neck but we don't know which one.  Scary stuff.

Who knows maybe all of this excitement will send me into labor, although I'm doubtful.  I haven't had a SINGLE contraction since they stripped my membranes.  Although I'm having more of a discharge, I'm suprised I'm not having more of the "pre"labor pains anymore.  I just want this baby out and in my arms.  :(  I swear he's never coming out. 

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee 

Insomniac Edition

**I am writing this on a little more than an hour of sleep so if some of my upcoming story doesn't make sense.  I will try to explain everything, but since I'm tired I might just edit this in the morning.**

I don't really know where to start because this story has multiple beginnings.  Throughout my entire pregnancy I realized just how much of a role reversal I've had with my mother.  Yes, she has been going through a lot of personal things (a divorce, finding her middle child's father, becoming a grandparent) but that doesn't give her the right to start acting like a child.  I applaud her in the ways that she is becoming more independent.  However, I disapprove in her behavior.  It's the same sort of behavior that she went through when she was going through the divorce with my dad:  jumping from man to man, not listening to other people and just be overall defensive.  She has yet to realize that I've seen this all before and this time I'm letting her know.

I'm not saying she's a bad person, or a bad mother.  She is far from that.  What she doesn't see is what she's actually doing.  She's pushing people (me included) away for reasons that are not entirely known to me.  All while thinking that things should be at an all time closeness.  I agree, every woman wants her mother to be around when she is expecting but there are limits.  In no way should the mother of the mother-to-be outrank the father-to-be.

I know that she is excited for her grandson.  But that doesn't excuse her behavior.  It doesn't exclude all of the things she has said about Greg.  It doesn't make light of what she think she's entitled to.  As of this moment Greg and I don't want her in the room when I deliver.  I have no idea how to tell her that because of her actions, she's going to miss out.  I'm sure that will go over so well.  Hell, if Greg had it his way she wouldn't even know when we have Boo until hours after; that she's been booted from top of the list all the way down to the bottom. 

While I feel that is harsh, I'm not sure I oppose anymore.  She crossed a line tonight when all I was doing was speaking my mind.  I realize that I can come across a little...rough around the edges...but at the same time I wasn't calling her names.  She's in a situation that sounds very high school to me, and I told her not to get involved.  Apparently she didn't like what I had to say.  I, of course, am "a bitch since *I've* been pregnant".  I told her "Okay, bye, love you".  That's when she hung up.  Twenty minutes later I get a text saying "I'm sorry."

Sorry just doesn't cut it anymore.  If she doesn't want my opinions, fine.  I don't want to be involved in her "drama" anyway.  The other person got exactly what they wanted...a rise out of her.  The only other time I've seen this happen is with little immature people.  I was just surprised to see my 45 year old mother actually getting involved. 

Maybe things will be better in the morning light.  Maybe when I'm not so tired I'll be able to think straight.  But the thing is, I cannot sleep because I know that things will never get better.  That ever since she "got her wings and is staying away from controlling men" that she has almost completely severed all ties of our relationship. 

I guess that's what happens when you get older.  You realize that your parents aren't perfect.  That the pedestal that you once placed them upon is severely tarnished and scuffed.  I just pray that somehow we make it through this hard time.  I doubt it though.

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

"You're the only past due woman I've seen still smiling." *A little TMI*

Apparently, I still have a sunny disposition despite my belly is as big as Jupiter.  Who knew?  Certainly I had no idea that I was actually one of those "happy" pregnant women who just so happen to go over her due date.
I think the nurse was just being too nice.

That's right.  Last night we went for our first NST.  It went really well.  If the baby cooperates it can take as little as 20 minutes, but if he's being a bugger it can take up to an hour.  Boo actually cooperated and did the test real fast.  He didn't like being monitored.  I was actually sore from all of his movements at once.  I have one crazy little "alien".  (Hehe, Jenn.)

It was actually kind of relaxing.  For the first time in a real long time me and Greg just sat there, talked and listened to his heartbeat.  (Which either sounds like an unbalanced load in a washing machine or an old man having sex, go figure.)  There was no TV.  There was no heavy discussion.  Just talk about how we are going to have a little baby in our arms soon.  And how we're going to be parents.  It kind of woke us up a little.  It's becoming more and more of a reality lately, even though I've had about 9 months to mentally prepare.  It's finally sinking in. 

We have a plan for when the time comes.  And a little for after.  In my mind, we are still not completely ready.  But I'm sure a lot of new parents feel like that when they get so close to having their child.  I've been trying to relax, but when things have been so stressful it's really hard to.  The only thing that seems to relax me is knowing that I'm going to be holding my baby within 6 days.  Just the mere mention of that puts a smile on my face.

Yes, there is a lot of things that need done before Boo comes.  The van must be fixed.  (Long story short:  van needed a water pump for like a YEAR now and Greg finally put one on.  Worked great!  Battery went all wonky.  Thought it was a minor fix.  Worked only when jumped.  Then didn't work at all.  Bolt was broken when water pump was fixed.  Need to get that taken out *could cost $75!*.  But it is now working and somehow we need to get money to get that broken bolt out.  Right now it's working, but it's just a temporary thing.)  The car seat must be installed.  From what I can see we can't use the seat belts that we have for our child restraint.  Greg still believes that it can be done.  But I'm going to leave my faith in him, and we're going to go to a fire department or police station so someone can install it for us.  I personally don't think it's going to work...but like I said...I can't stress over it.  It'll get installed.   And if not?  We will have to use FIL's jeep. 

What has really been bugging me, is although both Greg and I are stressed out, I need sex.  I don't want it.  I don't crave it.  I n-e-e-d it.  Well, the past two nights Greg has turned me down.  I could understand Monday night, because of the whole membrane thing and our shitty day.  I will admit, I was hurt but oh well.  I got over it.  But last night when he turned me down again, I couldn't help to think it's because he's not attracted to me anymore.  I mean, seriously...I'm HUGE and I know I'm not sexy.  And let's be honest, it's no longer fun.  Although I did get my wish in the middle of the night, I still have a nagging little feeling that he is somehow pulling away. 

Before I never had to beg for it.  Now I have to beg, plead and sign my life away for him to look my way.  Maybe it's my hormones.  Maybe it's because he's freaked out that he'll hurt Boo.  I'm not sure, but I hope it goes away.  It's killing what little self confidence I have.

**Side Note**:  The sex might have generated some contractions and me losing more of my plug.  Sooo who's the crazy one now?

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

Past Due. Car Troubles. And I'm not supposed to stress. HA! *Kinda TMI*

Well, my appointment went just how I thought it would.  I gained an additional 3 pounds.  My blood pressure was not good but not bad.  And all the nurses said they didn't think they would see me.  Apparently I'm the most pregnant woman they have seen in a while.  Gee, Thanks.

They found Boo's heartbeat pretty fast this time.  (YAY fresh batteries!)  The doctor came in and talked about all the normal things.  Things haven't changed.  Like at all, since I was 28 weeks.  So the questions they ask are always the same answers.  The student doctor left and told me he was getting a resident to come in so we could do a vaginal exam and from there talk about induction.  Alright, I can deal with that.  Now, any woman who is okay with a vaginal exam, has something wrong with their head.  And let me tell you, it's even more uncomfortable when you're pregnant.  And then to have a doctor, student doctor, fiancee and nurse watching isn't exactly fun.  No wonder why women are tense.

The doctor confirmed my worries.  My cervix is still hard and thick.  The only change was the cervix was starting to funnel.  (The outside was starting to open...only a fingertip...but the inside was still closed...which is normal.)  What he did next though, shot me through the roof.  He stripped my membranes.  (It might help stimulate labor...by pulling the membrane away from the uterus.  Yea...a little painful)  When he was done poking me from the inside he told me our game plan for the end.

In the next week we will have 3 NSTs.  (Fetal Non-Stress Tests)  Basically to make sure that he's moving enough and that he's not under any sort of stress.  There's a concern for over due babies that they might pinch their umbilical cord and basically cut off his life supply.  As long as things are looking good and I don't go into labor beforehand, I'll be having this baby September 7th.  (They were all booked up for a "labor" day baby.)  I was just told to sit back and relax.  He's on his way.

There is an end to it all!

Now we have been having trouble with the van.  And I'm praying that Greg will get it figured out tonight.  If not, I'm going to be even more stressed.  (Not to mention, my cool headed Greg is so stressed out and I don't know how to calm him down.  That has NEVER happened before.  I'm the stressbot.) 

I'll post more tomorrow. 

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee 

It's finally here.

It's been 40 weeks.  280 days.  6,720 hours.  403,200 minutes.  Or 24,192,000 seconds.

Yea...that's the human gestational period. 

So tell me again that pregnancy is so short. 

And to think, after today, my little man is "past due".

I'm trying to remember that it's okay that he's in there.  He's safe.  He's still growing.  He's still moving.  He's fine.  And when he comes out, that's when I have to worry.  It's a big scary world.  Full of all the things that he's sheltered from inside of me.  I can say that until I'm blue in the face, but it doesn't matter.  I want him HERE.  Again, it's been 40 weeks.  I think he's done.

I'm waiting for my doctor's appointment later today.  I'm hoping that the doctor will give me good news.  That either my "never changing" cervix is finally cooperating...or that they will tell me a time to be at the hospital.  And if it's the latter...I hope its soon.

I have known a few women who were pregnant and due around the same time as me.  (4 to be exact...5 including me.)  Well...everyone else had their babies.  My friend Megan had her twins last night.  And everyone else had their babies weeks ago.  And here I am.  Still bloated, fat, swollen, miserable, and pregnant.  Megan was even due after me...which makes me even more sad.

But again:  I'm going to try to stay positive.  There's a reason why he's still in there.  And I won't be pregnant forever.  I just gotta remember that.

I should probably do something to occupy my mind.  But eventually I'll wander into the baby's room and wonder when he's going to come.  And probably start to cry because my hormones are all over the place.

Until Next Time (when, hopefully I'll have some good news)
~MommyToBee

Tick. Tock.

Sorry it's been a while since posted.  We didn't have the internet...damn FIL.  Anyway, it's now all set up...and if FIL knows what's good for him, he won't "forget" to pay again.  He saw the wrath of a very hormonal pregnant woman...I don't think he's going to risk it again.

Well.  Not a lot has changed since the last time I posted.  At my last appointment, I was still not dilated and my cervix was still real high.  Absolutely zero change since my 38th week appointment.  I would love to say that it doesn't bother me, but it does.  Especially since I've been having some painful contractions and nothing is happening.  It discouraging.  But we still have three days until my due date...and anything could happen.  However, at my next appointment (on my due date) we will be discussing induction.  They are starting to worry about my blood pressure.  It has been slowly going up...and they want to make sure that I don't develop bigger problems down the road.

Basically...even the Doctor doesn't want me to go the extra 10 days after my due date.  She feels that he is more than ready to come out, but he needs a little nudge.  

And that's why I'm praying that she is the one to deliver Boo.

Again, all the people around me are nuts.  My mother actually called Greg last night at 11:15 because he texted her.  It's a long story...but the short of it...she thought I was in labor.  Oy.  He's trying to talk to her softly because I was in a lot of pain and had some trouble sleeping.  Well, when I asked him who was on the phone and he told me I pretty much freaked.  And it continued into this morning when she told me she actually believes that we won't tell her when I go into labor.  If she keeps up this nonsense, I won't tell her.  Even though she is "going to know before *I* go into labor".  Obviously she knows my body more than I do. 

And then I get the texts saying "Oh...you should do *blank* to go into labor."  Most of them has been a been there, tried that.  I appreciate most of the suggestions and I welcome them from most people.  However... don't tell me that Greg and I are not having sex the right way because I still haven't gone into labor.  Seriously?  I think if he is able to get me pregnant twice, he knows what he's doing.   

Truth be told, I hope I do get induced now.  And I hope it's during the week.  I want my best friend to be able to come see her Godson.  I want to tell people when to come.  I want to have that final date.  I want to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Right now, I just feel like I'm going to be pregnant forever.

A few pictures from last week:

38 weeks, 5 days.  Our last night out before baby.  I love that man with all of my heart.  Even if he's a dumb dumb most days. :P

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

Trying to stay positive.

Well we had our 38th week appointment yesterday.  I was having contractions on and off since Sunday so I was thinking that maybe there would be some progress.  Seriously no one really makes it to 38 weeks with out no dilation.  HA!  So wrong.  Not only was I still not dilated, but my cervix was still high.  (Meaning he's not ready just yet.)  My heart broke a little when the doctor said:  "Welp, just like I thought.  High, closed and thick."  I guess this means he's gotta bake a little more.

However, my blood pressure is creeping up.  I had it checked 5 times while I was there.  Started out highish...then it got even higher...then I had to stay for an additional 15 minutes for it to come down.  Luckily it did.  (I believe I was upset from staying in the room for FOREVER.  Apparently normal pregnant women were having babies at the hospital and all but one doctor went over...so they were a little busy.)  But I was told to just kind of relax and keep my feet up today.  Drink plenty of water.  Lay on my left side....yadda yadda yadda.  Don't they see that maybe I want to walk around like a crazed woman so maybe this child will come?  Nope, I guess not. 

Greg is trying to be supportive, but let's face it, he hasn't gained a ton of weight.  His hips don't hurt constantly.  And he doesn't have to occasionally stop in his tracks because your lungs feel like they just stopped working.  I miss seeing my feet.  I miss my engagement ring on my finger.  I miss sleeping on my belly.  As supportive as any man can be to his pregnant lady, he cannot fully comprehend what's going on.  A man will never be pregnant.  And will never know what it truly feels like. 

He does try.  And I'm sure that my constant bitchiness isn't helping much to put a smile on his face.  He understands that I'm uncomfortable.  I just hate how he says "Baby, he'll come when he's ready."  That doesn't help me to see the whole light at the end of the tunnel.  I do know that ultimately I'll be pregnant for maxim of 22 days.  I don't think the doctors will let me go that long.  (My fundal height was 46cm yesterday...but he had his little tooshy WAY up there.)

But, if I don't start dilating and my blood pressure continues to be an issue, they will have no choice but to induce.  Yes, that will suck...but I want my baby to be healthy.  And that includes having a healthy mommy too. 

I know I'm growing impatient...but for real now...it's time for this bun to be let out of the oven. 

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

Extremes

I've been busy trying to get things in order before the little one gets here.  However, it seems like I've been hitting road block after road block.  Quite frankly, I'm getting a little sick of it.  In this week alone, there are several things I need to get mailed out.  Plus, I need to find a pediatrician for Boo.  Plus figure out how to add him to the medicaid that I'm using.  I'm so confused.  So very confused.  And now the department of welfare office is telling me they need to see my birth certificate!?  Oy.  Now I have to track one down...and give birth...and do about a million other things that need done.

This sucks.  I don't want to be a grown up.

I'm just hoping that things start looking up.  I've filed for unemployment for the very first time this week and I'm finally getting somewhere with it.  I have filed before but my requests never went through and I would always end in a dead end.  Now it seems like I might be getting some extra money and hell, anything is better than nothing at this point.  I'm just hoping that my insurance doesn't run out.  That wouldn't be good.  I would probably cry. 

This past week has been one shit storm after another.  I've been trying to keep my head on straight, but it's not easy.  I've had a very short fuse lately...and I'm not proud of that.  In fact, yesterday Greg and I had a fight that was so bad I almost wanted to leave.  I have never been that angry at him.  That's something that scares me.  I love that goofball...even when he gets on my nerves.  I don't want to end up like my parents.  I know it was more than likely just hormones and he was grumpy...but it was a big fight.  We eventually did make up and we both apologized.  We realized it was silly and it wasn't as big of a deal as we made it out to be. 

...Still hurtful though...

Not only has things been kind of crappy lately I've been going through these extremes.  I'm extremely happy.  I'm extremely nervous.  I'm extremely bitchy.  I'm extremely hungry.  I'm extremely tired.  I'm extremely thirsty.  And so on and so on.  I'm hopeful that this is just my way of getting ready for Boo to come.  That somehow this is just the last hormonal push before I get to hold my little man.  It sort of feels like a desperate plea though.  I literally feel like I'm going to be pregnant forever.  I don't care if I still have 13 days until my due date...I'm going to be pregnant forever. 

However, that might not be true.  I have been having some contractions (I'm pretty sure they're contractions) since Sunday.  Nothing too serious.  They're few and far between.  And they're really not too painful.  It's still a sign that maybe my body is just gearing up for the big day.  I hope so.  I don't think I could handle being pregnant for much more.  It's seriously starting to mess with my head.  Seems like everyone else I know is having their babies.  And here I sit...swollen, fat and miserable.

Maybe the doctor will give me some good news today.  If not, I guess he'll just stay in there a little bit longer.

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

I think I should just turn off the phone.

I know these calls are only going to increase in numbers by the time I have Boo.  Everyone knows what call I'm talking about...the "Is he here yet?!?" call.  Not only do I get those calls, but I also get the texts too.  I get people who I really have no desire to talk to, texting me, asking me.  And then of course I have to make idle chit chat with this person because I don't just want to completely dismiss them.  However, I'm getting kind of tired (and I'll admit, a tad depressed) saying "Nope, he's not here yet."

I realize that people don't want to be left out when I actually do have him.  But realize that if you do have some sort of importance in my life, you will know.  Best believe as soon as I go into labor I'm going to be posting on Facebook.  And if that's not enough...there will be a mass text when he's finally here.  I don't see a need in telling people who I barely talk to about every detail of my delivery.  And I'm pretty sure Greg is going to hijack my phone while I'm in L&D so I can't be on cafemom and facebook every 30 seconds.

Our hospital guest list is rising to dangerous levels.  There will probably be 4 people in that room from the time he's here until he goes home.  I'm pretty much okay with that...considering it shows how loved he is already.  However, I'm going to become a serious recluse once he's home.  My dad on Saturday was telling me how he wants to see the baby within the first month he's born.  So sorry, I'm not planning on coming up there until at least October...maybe even Thanksgiving.  And that will be a very long weekend.  We have a lot of people to see. :) 

I'm starting to realize that maybe my mom shouldn't be in the delivery room when I'm actually pushing.  I love her so much but I'm pretty sure she's going to try to take control.   The last thing I want to do is kick her out, but I'm probably going to have to do so.  It might be her grandchild, but it's my child.  I don't think she realizes that I need to do this my way.  No matter how she feels about it.  I'll hope and pray that she relaxes a little...but I swear, if she continues to talk about how I'm having a 12 pound baby or how much the baby wants to meet his MomMom...I'll snap.  (She also uses a name that we might be picking...which I FRIGGEN HATE.  It's not for her to announce my son's name.  That's for me and Greg to do.)  Trust me, the baby wants to meet his Mommy and Daddy more than that crazy lady who gave his mom life.

I know people are just acting crazy because they're ready to meet him.  There is nothing more than I want right now than to hold my child.  I'm probably the craziest one out of everyone.  However, I feel like I am allowed to act a little nuts.  Everyone else though, needs to be institutionalized.  And the comments about how big I am isn't helping.  Yes...I am very pregnant.  There is no sane reason to point that out on a daily basis.

I'm done with my rant.

On Saturday my dad, stepmom, stepbrother, his wife and their two kids come down for a visit/ to drop off a dresser.  I was very grateful that I finally got the dresser.  However, I wasn't impressed that 3 of the 5 drawers are broken and I can't use them until Greg gets wood glue for it.  Nor, was I impressed that I the rest of the stuff I had at my Dad's came as well.  Mainly because I didn't want it.  It was all junk.  The last time I was there to pick up some of the stuff I told my Dad to throw it all away.  I even offered to bag it up, and he told me not to, that he'll do it.  HA!  Nope, I bagged it up HERE and it promptly went in the trash can. 

...'Cause you know...he didn't want to go through my stuff.  Even though all the items were in a different dresser...so he would have to go through it anyway.

*SCREAMS, bangs head against the wall*

But it's okay.  I'm not going to let that get to me.  I have the dresser now.  And I can start on getting Boo's room COMPLETELY done.  Which has to wait until Saturday now.  We still don't have the glider.  And if my lovable, completely idiotic fiancee doesn't stop spending money we don't have, I might never get it.  (This might just be a hormone surge...but seriously...it's annoying.)  

Well...I'm officially in a bad mood (HAHA...gotta love pregnancy.) So on that note...

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee   

Waiting on Boo makes me write.

I love how I dedicated yesterday to cleaning when all I actually did was play farkle and bingo on facebook.  OH and write out to do lists.  Which Greg wasn't happy when he saw.  Oooooh well!  His list is half of mine...but double the work...with less time... :) What can I say, that's how I roll.  I love his argument though:  "I work during the day, why do I have to get this all done by the end of the weekend when you get extra time to get your list?"  "'Cause you procrastinate, and the things that I need you to do I can't do.  And I get extra time because you knocked me up." 

...He's never amused when I pull out that card. :P

I'm just pretty excited that this weekend I get to finally finish the nursery!  OMG!  WHOOOOOOO!  Dad is bring the dresser on Saturday (and I'm dropping him from my phone plan...Hell yea!).  Plus we can finally afford to get the glider?!  Holy shit, is it my birthday?  Someone, PINCH ME!

Sorry...I'm a little excited.  I've been waiting to get the nursery done since July 4th weekend.  Yea, we're a little behind schedule.  But that's okay, cause Boo is still in there.  And we will have everything ready in time.

In other news.  Boo hasn't been that active lately.  I'm not sure if it's because he dropped or he's just gearing up for the big day...but he's hard to "wake up" lately.  I know he's cramped in there.  But still, usually I can get a few good jabs in.  Now, not so much.  He's still moving, just not as much.  It kinda freaks me out.  I know he's okay in there, it just different I guess.  When he's been non-stop for weeks now, and for him to be really sleepy since he dropped makes me nervous.

Speaking of sleepy....it's only 7:30am and I'm ready for some more pork tacos and a nap.  

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee 

Can I have my epidural now?

Well.  After speculation I got confirmation last night that Boo, indeed, dropped.  I thought my hip pain was bad before...OMG I wasn't expecting this.

Let's just say this:  it feels like I have a bowling ball on my cervix.  Walking makes me groan.  Rolling over is nearly impossible.  My pubic bone feels like it's going to snap in half.  And my hips pop. 

I'm really not complaning.  I know this is actually a good thing.  It means baby is more than likely engaged into my pelvis and is putting pressure on my girly bits.  Everywhere I read I see that a baby usually drops 2-4 weeks before delivery.  *For the first-time mom*  God, please let it be closer to two weeks.

I had my first full term appointment yesterday!  I gained 3 pounds. :(  Which means, I offically gained 50 pounds during this pregnancy.  My blood pressure was good (as always...even though I eat Chief Boyaredee..) to the dismay of my nurse.  Again they had a hard time finding Boo's heartbeat.  I tell them to go to my left side but they don't listen.  But once they found it, it was a solid 140.

I also find it amazing that in the span of 15 minutes my fundal height went from 44 weeks to 42 weeks down to 38 1/2 weeks.  : /  Why the large span?  He had his butt up in the air!  (Haha Jenn...he sleeps like me!)  So no ultrasound...no talk of induction.  Thank you, JESUS!  I know that could change but I don't think it will.  I'm determined to let his guy bake.  No matter what anyone says.

Best of all...the doctor gave me the okay to do "self" induction!  Things like intercourse, (which Greg is VERY happy about) nipple stimulation, walking, sweeping, doing squats, eating spicy food/ pineapple and some herbs.  I'm not going to do the herbal route, mainly because I don't want to have this stuff left over and not needing it.  But everything else...sign me up!  I made pork tacos last night (OMG SO GOOD!) and Greg told me not to put anymore spice in it because it was making him sneeze.  Too bad...I wanted it.  I've been craving spicy food and now that I don't have constant heartburn, I'm gonna eat it.

The only downside is that since I'm not having contractions they still haven't checked my cervix.  Which is a little discouraging.  I mean, there is a chance that I'm having contractions but just not feeling them.  Soooo I really want to try to get some contractions started.  (Okay, okay...I know I'm going to regret saying that...but give me a break, I'm so over being pregnant.) 

Today is going to be dedicated to cleaning and getting my hospital bag together.  Even the OB says I could go at anytime...but she can't pin point it.  *grumbles.*

The ball is in his court now...C'mon BABY!

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee