Extremes

I've been busy trying to get things in order before the little one gets here.  However, it seems like I've been hitting road block after road block.  Quite frankly, I'm getting a little sick of it.  In this week alone, there are several things I need to get mailed out.  Plus, I need to find a pediatrician for Boo.  Plus figure out how to add him to the medicaid that I'm using.  I'm so confused.  So very confused.  And now the department of welfare office is telling me they need to see my birth certificate!?  Oy.  Now I have to track one down...and give birth...and do about a million other things that need done.

This sucks.  I don't want to be a grown up.

I'm just hoping that things start looking up.  I've filed for unemployment for the very first time this week and I'm finally getting somewhere with it.  I have filed before but my requests never went through and I would always end in a dead end.  Now it seems like I might be getting some extra money and hell, anything is better than nothing at this point.  I'm just hoping that my insurance doesn't run out.  That wouldn't be good.  I would probably cry. 

This past week has been one shit storm after another.  I've been trying to keep my head on straight, but it's not easy.  I've had a very short fuse lately...and I'm not proud of that.  In fact, yesterday Greg and I had a fight that was so bad I almost wanted to leave.  I have never been that angry at him.  That's something that scares me.  I love that goofball...even when he gets on my nerves.  I don't want to end up like my parents.  I know it was more than likely just hormones and he was grumpy...but it was a big fight.  We eventually did make up and we both apologized.  We realized it was silly and it wasn't as big of a deal as we made it out to be. 

...Still hurtful though...

Not only has things been kind of crappy lately I've been going through these extremes.  I'm extremely happy.  I'm extremely nervous.  I'm extremely bitchy.  I'm extremely hungry.  I'm extremely tired.  I'm extremely thirsty.  And so on and so on.  I'm hopeful that this is just my way of getting ready for Boo to come.  That somehow this is just the last hormonal push before I get to hold my little man.  It sort of feels like a desperate plea though.  I literally feel like I'm going to be pregnant forever.  I don't care if I still have 13 days until my due date...I'm going to be pregnant forever. 

However, that might not be true.  I have been having some contractions (I'm pretty sure they're contractions) since Sunday.  Nothing too serious.  They're few and far between.  And they're really not too painful.  It's still a sign that maybe my body is just gearing up for the big day.  I hope so.  I don't think I could handle being pregnant for much more.  It's seriously starting to mess with my head.  Seems like everyone else I know is having their babies.  And here I sit...swollen, fat and miserable.

Maybe the doctor will give me some good news today.  If not, I guess he'll just stay in there a little bit longer.

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

And So, The Countdown Begins!

My life has become a numbers game:
33: Weeks pregnant
49: Days left in my pregnancy
28: Days left until full term
48: Days that Greg is supposed to be working non stop starting July 29th
2: Number of Braxtion Hicks contractions that I had last night in a 3 hour time period
50: Number of pounds I have gained so far. (Blehhhh I'm disgusted)
4: Liters of water I drink a day
0: Centimeters dilated

 Definitely seems like time was going so fast, and now it seemed to stall.  Which, I guess, is a good thing.  I'm still so unprepared though.  Some days it feels like nothing is going to get done.  And it's driving me nuts.  Somethings I need help with still, and I'm not going to get it.  Greg has less motivation than me to get things done.  Which I can understand.  He's been (and is going to be) working too much.

I just hope he doesn't have too much on his plate. 

And I hope that when the time comes his job will be understanding of the time he'll need to take off.

But I doubt that they will.  And generally speaking, if it comes to me or his job...it's looking like his job will win.

My mom already offered for me to stay there while I'm recovering after the baby.   To which I laughed in my head.  There is absolutely no way in hell I'm going to separate my family moments after my child is born.  Not to mention, I'm going to need to stay in York.  The baby's doctor is going to be here as well as mine.  Just in case something happens...you never know.  But talking to that woman is like banging your head against the wall.  The only thing it will lead to is a terrible headache and mass confusion.

I guess this is all tied to jitters.  Some days I question if this was all a terrible mistake.  That maybe I'm not ready.  Maybe both Greg and I need to grow up before we have this child.  But every time I have one of those thoughts I shake it out of my head.  I know that this is not the ideal time.  I know that if things were different I would be planning my trip down the aisle and not the trip to the delivery room.  And I know that everyone has their doubts before.  That everyone kind of freaks out because they don't want to do wrong. 

It's just so close to the end.  I can almost see August 30th already.  And I am so excited and nervous at the same time.

And so...the countdown keeps going.

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee