I have started to write this post over and over since I've become full term. Then, at my due date, I almost had it posted, but realized that my pregnancy journey still wasn't done. So, with a heavy heart (and empty arms) I deleted it and decided to write a new one once I felt the time was right.
While I don't know what to say, all I can do is just hope that somehow I'll be a good mother. I know that in the end, it doesn't matter if Boo has all the latest toys or that his clothes are brand new. What matters the most is that he's taken care of, protected and loved. I may doubt myself at times about how I can take care of a child, I know that he will never go without love.
In my previous drafts I have long explanations about how my pregnancy has brought me to where I am; but now they no longer seem to hold merit. So instead, I leave with a letter to my son. (Who at this current moment is going nuts inside my belly.)
BooBoo:
Christmas Eve morning was one of the best mornings ever. That's when I first knew about you. Sure, I had an idea before...but that little test confirmed it. You were growing inside of me. And from that moment on, I knew my life wouldn't be the same. You filled a little hole inside of my heart that was empty. When I told your Daddy, he cried. Not tears of sadness, but we were just so happy to know that you were coming.
From the moment I saw you on the first ultrasound, I knew you were going to be a hand full. Even the technician said that you were bouncing around and full of life. You didn't want to sit still enough for him to get your hear beat. When you were finally big enough for us to hear your heartbeat, it was the sweetest sound that anyone could ever hope for. I still pray everyday to hear that precious sound.
Then when it came time to "see" you again you were much bigger. We found out that you were a boy! Something that I secretly knew the whole time. We saw you move and kick and suck on your wrist. I wished then that I could give you the world...because that's what you deserve.
You continued to grow and grow. And I got to know your personality a little more. Yes, even when you were in my tummy you liked to make Mommy worry. Sometimes you didn't want to move. And other times you only wanted to move when Mommy was tired and just wanted to go to sleep. I knew that to get rid of your hiccups I have to hold and rock you. And how when Mommy gets upset you kick me in my ribs. And yet somehow, when I'm upset you can console me like no one else.
We patiently waited for your arrival, even when I thought you were done in there. You decided that you were in the one in control, and refused to budge. But now it's time that you'll be here very, very soon. And while I'm sad that you'll no longer be inside of me, I cannot wait to have you in my arms. You'll never know how much I love you, Boo. You'll never know how much you changed my life.
I love you so much my precious little one,
Mommy
Showing posts with label Baby Boo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Baby Boo. Show all posts
Monday, September 6, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
"You're the only past due woman I've seen still smiling." *A little TMI*
Apparently, I still have a sunny disposition despite my belly is as big as Jupiter. Who knew? Certainly I had no idea that I was actually one of those "happy" pregnant women who just so happen to go over her due date.
I think the nurse was just being too nice.
That's right. Last night we went for our first NST. It went really well. If the baby cooperates it can take as little as 20 minutes, but if he's being a bugger it can take up to an hour. Boo actually cooperated and did the test real fast. He didn't like being monitored. I was actually sore from all of his movements at once. I have one crazy little "alien". (Hehe, Jenn.)
It was actually kind of relaxing. For the first time in a real long time me and Greg just sat there, talked and listened to his heartbeat. (Which either sounds like an unbalanced load in a washing machine or an old man having sex, go figure.) There was no TV. There was no heavy discussion. Just talk about how we are going to have a little baby in our arms soon. And how we're going to be parents. It kind of woke us up a little. It's becoming more and more of a reality lately, even though I've had about 9 months to mentally prepare. It's finally sinking in.
We have a plan for when the time comes. And a little for after. In my mind, we are still not completely ready. But I'm sure a lot of new parents feel like that when they get so close to having their child. I've been trying to relax, but when things have been so stressful it's really hard to. The only thing that seems to relax me is knowing that I'm going to be holding my baby within 6 days. Just the mere mention of that puts a smile on my face.
Yes, there is a lot of things that need done before Boo comes. The van must be fixed. (Long story short: van needed a water pump for like a YEAR now and Greg finally put one on. Worked great! Battery went all wonky. Thought it was a minor fix. Worked only when jumped. Then didn't work at all. Bolt was broken when water pump was fixed. Need to get that taken out *could cost $75!*. But it is now working and somehow we need to get money to get that broken bolt out. Right now it's working, but it's just a temporary thing.) The car seat must be installed. From what I can see we can't use the seat belts that we have for our child restraint. Greg still believes that it can be done. But I'm going to leave my faith in him, and we're going to go to a fire department or police station so someone can install it for us. I personally don't think it's going to work...but like I said...I can't stress over it. It'll get installed. And if not? We will have to use FIL's jeep.
What has really been bugging me, is although both Greg and I are stressed out, I need sex. I don't want it. I don't crave it. I n-e-e-d it. Well, the past two nights Greg has turned me down. I could understand Monday night, because of the whole membrane thing and our shitty day. I will admit, I was hurt but oh well. I got over it. But last night when he turned me down again, I couldn't help to think it's because he's not attracted to me anymore. I mean, seriously...I'm HUGE and I know I'm not sexy. And let's be honest, it's no longer fun. Although I did get my wish in the middle of the night, I still have a nagging little feeling that he is somehow pulling away.
Before I never had to beg for it. Now I have to beg, plead and sign my life away for him to look my way. Maybe it's my hormones. Maybe it's because he's freaked out that he'll hurt Boo. I'm not sure, but I hope it goes away. It's killing what little self confidence I have.
**Side Note**: The sex might have generated some contractions and me losing more of my plug. Sooo who's the crazy one now?
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
I think the nurse was just being too nice.
That's right. Last night we went for our first NST. It went really well. If the baby cooperates it can take as little as 20 minutes, but if he's being a bugger it can take up to an hour. Boo actually cooperated and did the test real fast. He didn't like being monitored. I was actually sore from all of his movements at once. I have one crazy little "alien". (Hehe, Jenn.)
It was actually kind of relaxing. For the first time in a real long time me and Greg just sat there, talked and listened to his heartbeat. (Which either sounds like an unbalanced load in a washing machine or an old man having sex, go figure.) There was no TV. There was no heavy discussion. Just talk about how we are going to have a little baby in our arms soon. And how we're going to be parents. It kind of woke us up a little. It's becoming more and more of a reality lately, even though I've had about 9 months to mentally prepare. It's finally sinking in.
We have a plan for when the time comes. And a little for after. In my mind, we are still not completely ready. But I'm sure a lot of new parents feel like that when they get so close to having their child. I've been trying to relax, but when things have been so stressful it's really hard to. The only thing that seems to relax me is knowing that I'm going to be holding my baby within 6 days. Just the mere mention of that puts a smile on my face.
Yes, there is a lot of things that need done before Boo comes. The van must be fixed. (Long story short: van needed a water pump for like a YEAR now and Greg finally put one on. Worked great! Battery went all wonky. Thought it was a minor fix. Worked only when jumped. Then didn't work at all. Bolt was broken when water pump was fixed. Need to get that taken out *could cost $75!*. But it is now working and somehow we need to get money to get that broken bolt out. Right now it's working, but it's just a temporary thing.) The car seat must be installed. From what I can see we can't use the seat belts that we have for our child restraint. Greg still believes that it can be done. But I'm going to leave my faith in him, and we're going to go to a fire department or police station so someone can install it for us. I personally don't think it's going to work...but like I said...I can't stress over it. It'll get installed. And if not? We will have to use FIL's jeep.
What has really been bugging me, is although both Greg and I are stressed out, I need sex. I don't want it. I don't crave it. I n-e-e-d it. Well, the past two nights Greg has turned me down. I could understand Monday night, because of the whole membrane thing and our shitty day. I will admit, I was hurt but oh well. I got over it. But last night when he turned me down again, I couldn't help to think it's because he's not attracted to me anymore. I mean, seriously...I'm HUGE and I know I'm not sexy. And let's be honest, it's no longer fun. Although I did get my wish in the middle of the night, I still have a nagging little feeling that he is somehow pulling away.
Before I never had to beg for it. Now I have to beg, plead and sign my life away for him to look my way. Maybe it's my hormones. Maybe it's because he's freaked out that he'll hurt Boo. I'm not sure, but I hope it goes away. It's killing what little self confidence I have.
**Side Note**: The sex might have generated some contractions and me losing more of my plug. Sooo who's the crazy one now?
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Monday, August 30, 2010
It's finally here.
It's been 40 weeks. 280 days. 6,720 hours. 403,200 minutes. Or 24,192,000 seconds.
Yea...that's the human gestational period.
So tell me again that pregnancy is so short.
And to think, after today, my little man is "past due".
I'm trying to remember that it's okay that he's in there. He's safe. He's still growing. He's still moving. He's fine. And when he comes out, that's when I have to worry. It's a big scary world. Full of all the things that he's sheltered from inside of me. I can say that until I'm blue in the face, but it doesn't matter. I want him HERE. Again, it's been 40 weeks. I think he's done.
I'm waiting for my doctor's appointment later today. I'm hoping that the doctor will give me good news. That either my "never changing" cervix is finally cooperating...or that they will tell me a time to be at the hospital. And if it's the latter...I hope its soon.
I have known a few women who were pregnant and due around the same time as me. (4 to be exact...5 including me.) Well...everyone else had their babies. My friend Megan had her twins last night. And everyone else had their babies weeks ago. And here I am. Still bloated, fat, swollen, miserable, and pregnant. Megan was even due after me...which makes me even more sad.
But again: I'm going to try to stay positive. There's a reason why he's still in there. And I won't be pregnant forever. I just gotta remember that.
I should probably do something to occupy my mind. But eventually I'll wander into the baby's room and wonder when he's going to come. And probably start to cry because my hormones are all over the place.
Until Next Time (when, hopefully I'll have some good news)
~MommyToBee
Yea...that's the human gestational period.
So tell me again that pregnancy is so short.
And to think, after today, my little man is "past due".
I'm trying to remember that it's okay that he's in there. He's safe. He's still growing. He's still moving. He's fine. And when he comes out, that's when I have to worry. It's a big scary world. Full of all the things that he's sheltered from inside of me. I can say that until I'm blue in the face, but it doesn't matter. I want him HERE. Again, it's been 40 weeks. I think he's done.
I'm waiting for my doctor's appointment later today. I'm hoping that the doctor will give me good news. That either my "never changing" cervix is finally cooperating...or that they will tell me a time to be at the hospital. And if it's the latter...I hope its soon.
I have known a few women who were pregnant and due around the same time as me. (4 to be exact...5 including me.) Well...everyone else had their babies. My friend Megan had her twins last night. And everyone else had their babies weeks ago. And here I am. Still bloated, fat, swollen, miserable, and pregnant. Megan was even due after me...which makes me even more sad.
But again: I'm going to try to stay positive. There's a reason why he's still in there. And I won't be pregnant forever. I just gotta remember that.
I should probably do something to occupy my mind. But eventually I'll wander into the baby's room and wonder when he's going to come. And probably start to cry because my hormones are all over the place.
Until Next Time (when, hopefully I'll have some good news)
~MommyToBee
Monday, August 9, 2010
I lied.
I thought I wanted this bun to stay in the oven. I thought I didn't want to go into labor until my due date. I made myself believe that they were indeed correct about my due date after fighting for months saying it wasn't. Turns out, I was wrong.
I want this baby out. NOW. I have no idea if he dropped or not, but I'm thinking he did. I thought I was uncomfortable before...HA! Oh man...I hurt in my everywhere. And not to mention I've been having some serious braxton hicks contractions. Everything just hurts. I'm exhausted. And I have a ton of energy. (Oxy moron much?) I can't stop peeing. And my mouth is so dry I can't drink enough water. (Maybe that's why you have to sprint to the bathroom every 15 minutes...dummy.) I've been crying, yelling and laughing for no reason. Even the most harmless comment bruises my ego. But I can dish out the insults like no one's business. Patience has eluded me. I go from pleasantly full to starving in 5 minutes. My clothing no longer fits. (And what does fit makes me look like I'm having friggen triples as numerous people have pointed out.)
The only plus side to all of this is I can *finally* go to the bathroom...sorry for the TMI.
Basically...I loved being pregnant, but I think it's time to think about an eviction notice.
Since I'm now 37 weeks...I'm considered full term. Which means:
* 21 days until my due date
* I could go at anytime now
* He's almost here!
I seriously cannot wait for my appointment tomorrow. I'm thinking that if my fundal height is still way big that they will order an ultrasound just to see how big he is. (Hey, I'm up for another "peek" at him...I haven't "seen" him since 19 weeks 5 days.) Although the ultrasound could go either way. It could be "oh, he's fine" or "It looks like we're going to have to induce." Honestly, at this point, I just want to meet him. This week doesn't work for me, but next week...for sure he can come. :D
His bag is almost packed and I'm going to get mine done this week. And I have to get a list together of everyone who is planning on coming to the hospital. So far, I'm pretty sure there's a waiting list for passes...but if the head honcho (A.k.a. the one who is pushing a watermelon sized baby out of a hole the size of a lemon.) likes you...you get special treatment. :D I understand that people don't want to see me while I'm cursing and possibly loopy from the pain medication, but it may not be possible for everyone to see Boo once he's here.
Jus' sayin'.
Luckily I talked to my mom about her being in the room. I told her I have no problem with it, as long as she doesn't get in the way. That the person who is coaching me is Greg. And at anytime I can ask her to leave. Surprisingly, she wasn't acting crazy and agreed. Even more shocking is that she agreed that the kids will not be in there while I'm pushing. The last thing I need is to hear my sister say "I'm bored" while I'm pushing. It would be no bueno.
Now if only she will give me a straight flipping answer if she's coming this weekend. "I don't want to step on your toes...I know Jenn said she might be visiting you." Ummm yea...but not that day. I just need to know if you're coming or not so I can prepare Greg. He's had enough of your crazy...and I don't blame him for wanting to scream out whenver you call. OR if she would kindly stop saying to every Tom, Dick and Harry that I'm practically in stir-ups already. OR that I'm having a 20lb baby. I know I'm fat...and I gained a good bit of weight...but that doesn't give anyone the right to say that I'm going to have that *big* of a baby. That just makes me want to curse you out.
See what I mean about being hormonal?
Anyway, Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
I want this baby out. NOW. I have no idea if he dropped or not, but I'm thinking he did. I thought I was uncomfortable before...HA! Oh man...I hurt in my everywhere. And not to mention I've been having some serious braxton hicks contractions. Everything just hurts. I'm exhausted. And I have a ton of energy. (Oxy moron much?) I can't stop peeing. And my mouth is so dry I can't drink enough water. (Maybe that's why you have to sprint to the bathroom every 15 minutes...dummy.) I've been crying, yelling and laughing for no reason. Even the most harmless comment bruises my ego. But I can dish out the insults like no one's business. Patience has eluded me. I go from pleasantly full to starving in 5 minutes. My clothing no longer fits. (And what does fit makes me look like I'm having friggen triples as numerous people have pointed out.)
The only plus side to all of this is I can *finally* go to the bathroom...sorry for the TMI.
Basically...I loved being pregnant, but I think it's time to think about an eviction notice.
Since I'm now 37 weeks...I'm considered full term. Which means:
* 21 days until my due date
* I could go at anytime now
* He's almost here!
I seriously cannot wait for my appointment tomorrow. I'm thinking that if my fundal height is still way big that they will order an ultrasound just to see how big he is. (Hey, I'm up for another "peek" at him...I haven't "seen" him since 19 weeks 5 days.) Although the ultrasound could go either way. It could be "oh, he's fine" or "It looks like we're going to have to induce." Honestly, at this point, I just want to meet him. This week doesn't work for me, but next week...for sure he can come. :D
His bag is almost packed and I'm going to get mine done this week. And I have to get a list together of everyone who is planning on coming to the hospital. So far, I'm pretty sure there's a waiting list for passes...but if the head honcho (A.k.a. the one who is pushing a watermelon sized baby out of a hole the size of a lemon.) likes you...you get special treatment. :D I understand that people don't want to see me while I'm cursing and possibly loopy from the pain medication, but it may not be possible for everyone to see Boo once he's here.
Jus' sayin'.
Luckily I talked to my mom about her being in the room. I told her I have no problem with it, as long as she doesn't get in the way. That the person who is coaching me is Greg. And at anytime I can ask her to leave. Surprisingly, she wasn't acting crazy and agreed. Even more shocking is that she agreed that the kids will not be in there while I'm pushing. The last thing I need is to hear my sister say "I'm bored" while I'm pushing. It would be no bueno.
Now if only she will give me a straight flipping answer if she's coming this weekend. "I don't want to step on your toes...I know Jenn said she might be visiting you." Ummm yea...but not that day. I just need to know if you're coming or not so I can prepare Greg. He's had enough of your crazy...and I don't blame him for wanting to scream out whenver you call. OR if she would kindly stop saying to every Tom, Dick and Harry that I'm practically in stir-ups already. OR that I'm having a 20lb baby. I know I'm fat...and I gained a good bit of weight...but that doesn't give anyone the right to say that I'm going to have that *big* of a baby. That just makes me want to curse you out.
See what I mean about being hormonal?
Anyway, Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Eh.
I spent most of the morning frantically cleaning. And why did I do that? I have no idea. But now that I have done it, I'm exhausted and I want a chocolate shake and nap for my efforts.
'Cause that's just what this pregnant woman wants. :D
Time is flying by. And according to my mother, I really don't have any time left. She told my Gram Cracker (who is out of the hospital! YAY!) that I should be having Boo within a week. A week...??? REALLY? I think you are crazy. Gram thinks he'll be here in 2 weeks. And I want to tell everyone to just get out of my uterus. Boo will come when he is ready.
I'm getting comments from people like: "You didn't pop yet?" or "WOW you are HUGE!!!!!" or "When are you serving his eviction notice?" Okay, people. I'm 9 months pregnant. Most women go to 10 months. *Hence 40 weeks.* Please do not rush my child. The latest he'll be out is September 9th. Do I personally think he's going to wait that long? No. Do I think I'm going to be holding my child sometime in August? Yes. But he'll come when HE is ready. Not when anyone else is.
Ohhh and when you see my big whale butt waddling in public don't stare at me like I'm some sort of leper. I know that I waddle. I know I look ridiculous. Don't stare though. I'm pregnant. Who cares?
Well I think it's time for my nap and to try to wake up my little one...he slept too much today. :D
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
'Cause that's just what this pregnant woman wants. :D
Time is flying by. And according to my mother, I really don't have any time left. She told my Gram Cracker (who is out of the hospital! YAY!) that I should be having Boo within a week. A week...??? REALLY? I think you are crazy. Gram thinks he'll be here in 2 weeks. And I want to tell everyone to just get out of my uterus. Boo will come when he is ready.
I'm getting comments from people like: "You didn't pop yet?" or "WOW you are HUGE!!!!!" or "When are you serving his eviction notice?" Okay, people. I'm 9 months pregnant. Most women go to 10 months. *Hence 40 weeks.* Please do not rush my child. The latest he'll be out is September 9th. Do I personally think he's going to wait that long? No. Do I think I'm going to be holding my child sometime in August? Yes. But he'll come when HE is ready. Not when anyone else is.
Ohhh and when you see my big whale butt waddling in public don't stare at me like I'm some sort of leper. I know that I waddle. I know I look ridiculous. Don't stare though. I'm pregnant. Who cares?
Well I think it's time for my nap and to try to wake up my little one...he slept too much today. :D
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
I really suck at remembering to take pictures...
It's the second week that I completely forgot to take belly pictures. Not that it really matters...I'm a whale and even some of Greg's shirts are covering my massive bump. It really is depressing. With that being said: let's talk about baby.
Yesterday I had my 34th week appointment. It went extremely well. I was so worried about my weight...luckily I only gained a pound. The doctor told me that probably from here on out I won't gain as much (WHOO HOOO!) and that any weight I do gain in these last few weeks (omg omg OMG) is purely baby.
They did have to take my blood pressure twice though. There must have been issues with the automatic pump because the cuff kept trying to blow off, so they did it around the wrist. No biggie, the last time they did that it was wayyyy under. Well this time...it was wayyyyyyyyy over. Intitinally it was 140/92...yea. Next they did it manually and they got a good reading 122/74. I'm pretty sure that if they would have done the manual one first it wouldn't even be that high.
Boo's heart rate was amazing, 145, and strong once they found it. The little bugger wouldn't stay still and kept moving away from the Doppler. He is head down, and apparently is already at about a -3 station: meaning his head isn't engaged in the birth canal just yet but he's getting ready to get into position. Another good thing from what she can feel is that he's not postitor. She doesn't want to induce me, for any other reason than a medical emergency. From what she knows about my pregnancy so far, there shouldn't be any issues. (Yay!)
I go for another appointment in two weeks and then after that, I'll be going back every week. I can't believe how fast this pregnancy has gone by. It's just amazing that I'm pretty much done already. That he'll be here real soon. I've come to a calm that everything will get done. And I realize that although our financial situation isn't ideal, it could be a lot worse. (Now if only Greg's work will get on the ball with all this extra overtime...he's on loan but not for long.)
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Yesterday I had my 34th week appointment. It went extremely well. I was so worried about my weight...luckily I only gained a pound. The doctor told me that probably from here on out I won't gain as much (WHOO HOOO!) and that any weight I do gain in these last few weeks (omg omg OMG) is purely baby.
They did have to take my blood pressure twice though. There must have been issues with the automatic pump because the cuff kept trying to blow off, so they did it around the wrist. No biggie, the last time they did that it was wayyyy under. Well this time...it was wayyyyyyyyy over. Intitinally it was 140/92...yea. Next they did it manually and they got a good reading 122/74. I'm pretty sure that if they would have done the manual one first it wouldn't even be that high.
Boo's heart rate was amazing, 145, and strong once they found it. The little bugger wouldn't stay still and kept moving away from the Doppler. He is head down, and apparently is already at about a -3 station: meaning his head isn't engaged in the birth canal just yet but he's getting ready to get into position. Another good thing from what she can feel is that he's not postitor. She doesn't want to induce me, for any other reason than a medical emergency. From what she knows about my pregnancy so far, there shouldn't be any issues. (Yay!)
I go for another appointment in two weeks and then after that, I'll be going back every week. I can't believe how fast this pregnancy has gone by. It's just amazing that I'm pretty much done already. That he'll be here real soon. I've come to a calm that everything will get done. And I realize that although our financial situation isn't ideal, it could be a lot worse. (Now if only Greg's work will get on the ball with all this extra overtime...he's on loan but not for long.)
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
So Sleepy.
With the arrival of glorious rain (it's been a while since we got a good soaking) there has been some issues happening. One issue is the ceiling in our bathroom is leaking. This was "fixed" last summer. In fact, the two men who "fixed" this problem spent 2 months installing a window. There were 3 problems that needed fixed last summer: replace a window, fix the ceiling, and cut down a mulberry tree. Well, we still have mulberries all over...AND we have a leaking ceiling. PLUS whenever there's a lot of wind, you can hear a "whistle" coming through the window. So really, we're back at square one. To top it off, Greg's dad doesn't want to call the landlord just yet because we don't have the repairs done yet. (As apart of the rent agreement every year we have to do some things around the house to make sure it passes inspection. The inspection is due in January but we have to have the stuff done...NOW so he knows it's done.)
Not to mention that everyone else (except for Greg's mom...who doesn't use the bathroom...she uses a portable toilet since she can't walk up the steps) can literally do their "business" in the shower. Me, however, cannot pee standing up. (The leak is over the toilet) So I have to quickly pee or I'll be soaked.
This doesn't make the preggo happy. Not. Happy. At. All.
Again with the rain, or maybe just pregnant-ness, I have been tired ALL the time. This would be great, if I could sleep. With waking up litterly every hour to pee, and sometimes not being able to fall back asleep is killing me. I know it's going to get worse once Boo is here. I just hope that I get some sleep soon. (While I'm writing this, I can't stop yawning....oy.)
Of course my teeth issues aren't helping me get quality rest. I haven't been to a dentist in about 6 years. (Very bad, I know) I finally made an appointment, and I'm nervous. I've been dealing with this pain for such a long time though, it needs to get fixed. Apart of me hopes they just yank the one tooth out since it's a wisdom tooth...but I doubt it. After the baby comes out I got to get my wisdom teeth out. :( Not looking forward to it at all.
Boo has been EXTREMELY active lately. Literally, it feels like he's going to kick his way out. One minute he'll have hiccups, next minute he's kicking my ribs. It's pretty cool though. I've started taking videos of him going nuts in there.
'Cause ya know...he's just itching to get out. :)
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Not to mention that everyone else (except for Greg's mom...who doesn't use the bathroom...she uses a portable toilet since she can't walk up the steps) can literally do their "business" in the shower. Me, however, cannot pee standing up. (The leak is over the toilet) So I have to quickly pee or I'll be soaked.
This doesn't make the preggo happy. Not. Happy. At. All.
Again with the rain, or maybe just pregnant-ness, I have been tired ALL the time. This would be great, if I could sleep. With waking up litterly every hour to pee, and sometimes not being able to fall back asleep is killing me. I know it's going to get worse once Boo is here. I just hope that I get some sleep soon. (While I'm writing this, I can't stop yawning....oy.)
Of course my teeth issues aren't helping me get quality rest. I haven't been to a dentist in about 6 years. (Very bad, I know) I finally made an appointment, and I'm nervous. I've been dealing with this pain for such a long time though, it needs to get fixed. Apart of me hopes they just yank the one tooth out since it's a wisdom tooth...but I doubt it. After the baby comes out I got to get my wisdom teeth out. :( Not looking forward to it at all.
Boo has been EXTREMELY active lately. Literally, it feels like he's going to kick his way out. One minute he'll have hiccups, next minute he's kicking my ribs. It's pretty cool though. I've started taking videos of him going nuts in there.
'Cause ya know...he's just itching to get out. :)
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Monday, July 12, 2010
And So, The Countdown Begins!
My life has become a numbers game:
33: Weeks pregnant
49: Days left in my pregnancy
28: Days left until full term
48: Days that Greg is supposed to be working non stop starting July 29th
2: Number of Braxtion Hicks contractions that I had last night in a 3 hour time period
50: Number of pounds I have gained so far. (Blehhhh I'm disgusted)
4: Liters of water I drink a day
0: Centimeters dilated
Definitely seems like time was going so fast, and now it seemed to stall. Which, I guess, is a good thing. I'm still so unprepared though. Some days it feels like nothing is going to get done. And it's driving me nuts. Somethings I need help with still, and I'm not going to get it. Greg has less motivation than me to get things done. Which I can understand. He's been (and is going to be) working too much.
I just hope he doesn't have too much on his plate.
And I hope that when the time comes his job will be understanding of the time he'll need to take off.
But I doubt that they will. And generally speaking, if it comes to me or his job...it's looking like his job will win.
My mom already offered for me to stay there while I'm recovering after the baby. To which I laughed in my head. There is absolutely no way in hell I'm going to separate my family moments after my child is born. Not to mention, I'm going to need to stay in York. The baby's doctor is going to be here as well as mine. Just in case something happens...you never know. But talking to that woman is like banging your head against the wall. The only thing it will lead to is a terrible headache and mass confusion.
I guess this is all tied to jitters. Some days I question if this was all a terrible mistake. That maybe I'm not ready. Maybe both Greg and I need to grow up before we have this child. But every time I have one of those thoughts I shake it out of my head. I know that this is not the ideal time. I know that if things were different I would be planning my trip down the aisle and not the trip to the delivery room. And I know that everyone has their doubts before. That everyone kind of freaks out because they don't want to do wrong.
It's just so close to the end. I can almost see August 30th already. And I am so excited and nervous at the same time.
And so...the countdown keeps going.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
33: Weeks pregnant
49: Days left in my pregnancy
28: Days left until full term
48: Days that Greg is supposed to be working non stop starting July 29th
2: Number of Braxtion Hicks contractions that I had last night in a 3 hour time period
50: Number of pounds I have gained so far. (Blehhhh I'm disgusted)
4: Liters of water I drink a day
0: Centimeters dilated
Definitely seems like time was going so fast, and now it seemed to stall. Which, I guess, is a good thing. I'm still so unprepared though. Some days it feels like nothing is going to get done. And it's driving me nuts. Somethings I need help with still, and I'm not going to get it. Greg has less motivation than me to get things done. Which I can understand. He's been (and is going to be) working too much.
I just hope he doesn't have too much on his plate.
And I hope that when the time comes his job will be understanding of the time he'll need to take off.
But I doubt that they will. And generally speaking, if it comes to me or his job...it's looking like his job will win.
My mom already offered for me to stay there while I'm recovering after the baby. To which I laughed in my head. There is absolutely no way in hell I'm going to separate my family moments after my child is born. Not to mention, I'm going to need to stay in York. The baby's doctor is going to be here as well as mine. Just in case something happens...you never know. But talking to that woman is like banging your head against the wall. The only thing it will lead to is a terrible headache and mass confusion.
I guess this is all tied to jitters. Some days I question if this was all a terrible mistake. That maybe I'm not ready. Maybe both Greg and I need to grow up before we have this child. But every time I have one of those thoughts I shake it out of my head. I know that this is not the ideal time. I know that if things were different I would be planning my trip down the aisle and not the trip to the delivery room. And I know that everyone has their doubts before. That everyone kind of freaks out because they don't want to do wrong.
It's just so close to the end. I can almost see August 30th already. And I am so excited and nervous at the same time.
And so...the countdown keeps going.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Fireworks, Long Days and Furniture.
Well. The fourth of July was a major dud this year. Last year we had fireworks (pretty good ones, too) and tons of food and laughter. This year...not so much. No fireworks (no one had money for them) and we got a ton of food and hardly no one ate any. In fact, all the chicken that FIL got had to be made into chicken pot pie...yea. There's enough pot pie to feed a small country, for a year, if they ate it for every meal.
And my huge preggo butt doesn't want to eat something hot and heavy like chicken pot pie. Just saying...I can sweat in an air conditioned room.
Today is the first day of Greg's crazy schedule. I hope they will be able to give him at least one day off in this whole mess. Which, might be a stretch but I'm hoping. I know he's doing this so we will have a little extra money for when boo comes but I don't think it's worth working a possible 76 hours a week.
That's a little...crazy.
I think my nesting kicked in. I'm not going nuts in cleaning, however, I'm definitely in the mind set that I want to get everything together like yesterday. As of this morning I went through every single article of clothing I received. And let me tell ya...some of it, I just can't use. (preemie clothes, girl clothes, clothes that I would never want my child to wear...yes...I might be a little picky, but with what I got...I think I was entitled to it just a little bit.) I went back and forth between what I wanted to do with some of this extra stuff. I was going to sell the clothes, but I decided just to take it to Salvation Army. I really didn't get rid of that much. About 98% of the extra stuff was girls...and it was like size 4...and I'm not sure if I'm going to have another kid...so it was a little pointless for me.
It also forced me to go through all of my clothing. I hope I didn't get rid of anything that I could have used.
With this being said...I now have room for my furniture. To which I wonder...where is it? Greg and I are going to be buying my glider within the next 2 weeks...very cool. The dresser we're supposed to be getting we have no idea when she's ready to give it up (and I want it so I can paint it). And to ask my dad when he's ready to give what he's ready to give has been fruitless. I called him last night and asked him. The response I got was kinda funny. "Well you're not due for another 8 weeks...I got about 7 to get it to you." Hate to break it to you there, champ, but you don't.
I don't want to sound ungrateful. I'm really appreciative of everything I have gotten so far. However, I want to get things done. I don't want to wait until the last minute to get my nursery together. I'm the one who is primarily getting these things done so I want extra time if I slack off a day or two. I don't want to be in the hospital in labor and freaked out that my nursery isn't ready.
Maybe I'm being a control freak. And I'm probably being paranoid. And I'm a-ok with that.
Boo has been on my bladder constantly today. I've been up (and mobile after not sleeping so well last night) since 6:30 and I've been to the bathroom about...15 times so far? Yea...he's tiny little 4ish pound body is up against my bladder today and is causing me to litterly run to the bathroom more than once.
Speaking about Boo...he's totally named already. I'm not even going to lie. He has his name picked out.
...And I'm not saying what it is until he's here. Is it one of the previously mentioned? Or is it a brand new name? We will see. :)
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
And my huge preggo butt doesn't want to eat something hot and heavy like chicken pot pie. Just saying...I can sweat in an air conditioned room.
Today is the first day of Greg's crazy schedule. I hope they will be able to give him at least one day off in this whole mess. Which, might be a stretch but I'm hoping. I know he's doing this so we will have a little extra money for when boo comes but I don't think it's worth working a possible 76 hours a week.
That's a little...crazy.
I think my nesting kicked in. I'm not going nuts in cleaning, however, I'm definitely in the mind set that I want to get everything together like yesterday. As of this morning I went through every single article of clothing I received. And let me tell ya...some of it, I just can't use. (preemie clothes, girl clothes, clothes that I would never want my child to wear...yes...I might be a little picky, but with what I got...I think I was entitled to it just a little bit.) I went back and forth between what I wanted to do with some of this extra stuff. I was going to sell the clothes, but I decided just to take it to Salvation Army. I really didn't get rid of that much. About 98% of the extra stuff was girls...and it was like size 4...and I'm not sure if I'm going to have another kid...so it was a little pointless for me.
It also forced me to go through all of my clothing. I hope I didn't get rid of anything that I could have used.
With this being said...I now have room for my furniture. To which I wonder...where is it? Greg and I are going to be buying my glider within the next 2 weeks...very cool. The dresser we're supposed to be getting we have no idea when she's ready to give it up (and I want it so I can paint it). And to ask my dad when he's ready to give what he's ready to give has been fruitless. I called him last night and asked him. The response I got was kinda funny. "Well you're not due for another 8 weeks...I got about 7 to get it to you." Hate to break it to you there, champ, but you don't.
I don't want to sound ungrateful. I'm really appreciative of everything I have gotten so far. However, I want to get things done. I don't want to wait until the last minute to get my nursery together. I'm the one who is primarily getting these things done so I want extra time if I slack off a day or two. I don't want to be in the hospital in labor and freaked out that my nursery isn't ready.
Maybe I'm being a control freak. And I'm probably being paranoid. And I'm a-ok with that.
Boo has been on my bladder constantly today. I've been up (and mobile after not sleeping so well last night) since 6:30 and I've been to the bathroom about...15 times so far? Yea...he's tiny little 4ish pound body is up against my bladder today and is causing me to litterly run to the bathroom more than once.
Speaking about Boo...he's totally named already. I'm not even going to lie. He has his name picked out.
...And I'm not saying what it is until he's here. Is it one of the previously mentioned? Or is it a brand new name? We will see. :)
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Picture...Thursday?
I have every intention of working on the blog at least 3 times a week...sometimes that just doesn't happen. Instead, I get lazy and decide I rather sit in my son's room and play with his baby toys. Yea...I'm going to be that kind of a mom.
Let me first say how wonderful my shower was on Saturday. It was really a great party, and I was so surprised that everyone was so excited for me and Greg. That's something that makes me feel really great. I'm so grateful for everything that I got. And for all the well wishes that I received.
Now all I have to do is return some things (pack'n'play...a $12 crib sheet that I just thought was cute) and do the thank you cards.
Ohhh and go through the 4 full garbage bags of clothes that I got. The baby is never going to be without something on.
Tuesday I was supposed to a post but you already know what I was doing and then yesterday my body hated me and I didn't crawl outta bed. It was the most gorgeous day too. I was a little bummed.
But here's this week's pictures!
Holy baby, Batman! This is 31 weeks...and some days I feel like I can't get any bigger. But I know that's not the case and I can definitely get a whole lot bigger. Boo is taking up a lot more room lately. His head is always in my hoo-ha and his feet are in my ribs. And he always has hiccups.
I've started to get new symptoms again. Since I'm about 90% sure he dropped some body parts are swollen and I got something that I thought I was lucky to avoid. I'm not going to mention what I got...but let's just say...it ain't pretty.
Well now it's time to go through some baby clothes!
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Let me first say how wonderful my shower was on Saturday. It was really a great party, and I was so surprised that everyone was so excited for me and Greg. That's something that makes me feel really great. I'm so grateful for everything that I got. And for all the well wishes that I received.
Now all I have to do is return some things (pack'n'play...a $12 crib sheet that I just thought was cute) and do the thank you cards.
Ohhh and go through the 4 full garbage bags of clothes that I got. The baby is never going to be without something on.
Tuesday I was supposed to a post but you already know what I was doing and then yesterday my body hated me and I didn't crawl outta bed. It was the most gorgeous day too. I was a little bummed.
But here's this week's pictures!
Holy baby, Batman! This is 31 weeks...and some days I feel like I can't get any bigger. But I know that's not the case and I can definitely get a whole lot bigger. Boo is taking up a lot more room lately. His head is always in my hoo-ha and his feet are in my ribs. And he always has hiccups.
I've started to get new symptoms again. Since I'm about 90% sure he dropped some body parts are swollen and I got something that I thought I was lucky to avoid. I'm not going to mention what I got...but let's just say...it ain't pretty.
Well now it's time to go through some baby clothes!
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Monday, June 21, 2010
So Much To Do...No Desire To Do It.
It's currently 9am and I have no motivation to do anything. I have about a million things to do before I leave on Friday to go home. I've been putting it off. My to do list that was supposed to be done last week was pushed back another week. What really stinks is that I *HAVE* to get it all done this week, or I'll be screwed next.
It's my shower this weekend, and I currently have NO room to put anything. Oyy. I need motivation. Maybe my excitement will help motivate me? (All signs point to no...but you never know)
Greg doesn't want to do much of anything because him and Billy are fixing up the house. I need his help but it doesn't look like I'll get much assistance. And to top it all off...he doesn't have much motivation to begin with. Andddd this week is already super busy.
I guess I just need to get it done. But playing around on the internet seems like much more fun.
...Yea...This is going to end well. *scarcasm*
Physical therapy is going well. The pain in my hip has drastically gone down. I no longer feel like I'm going to fall when I wake up in the middle of the night. Yes, I still waddle, but I don't think it's as bad as it once was.
Boo has been kicking up a storm again. I was laying in bed, and Greg sat down and actually felt the baby kick through the bed. I think he's starting to get the hint that I really do get beat up from the inside.
Lately I've had the worse heartburn ever. It doesn't prevent me from eating things, just makes me hurt afterwards. Does this mean I'm going to get my wish of having a baby with lots of hair? We will see. :)
I think I finally have told myself that I need to fold this laundry.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
It's my shower this weekend, and I currently have NO room to put anything. Oyy. I need motivation. Maybe my excitement will help motivate me? (All signs point to no...but you never know)
Greg doesn't want to do much of anything because him and Billy are fixing up the house. I need his help but it doesn't look like I'll get much assistance. And to top it all off...he doesn't have much motivation to begin with. Andddd this week is already super busy.
I guess I just need to get it done. But playing around on the internet seems like much more fun.
...Yea...This is going to end well. *scarcasm*
Physical therapy is going well. The pain in my hip has drastically gone down. I no longer feel like I'm going to fall when I wake up in the middle of the night. Yes, I still waddle, but I don't think it's as bad as it once was.
Boo has been kicking up a storm again. I was laying in bed, and Greg sat down and actually felt the baby kick through the bed. I think he's starting to get the hint that I really do get beat up from the inside.
Lately I've had the worse heartburn ever. It doesn't prevent me from eating things, just makes me hurt afterwards. Does this mean I'm going to get my wish of having a baby with lots of hair? We will see. :)
I think I finally have told myself that I need to fold this laundry.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Monday, June 14, 2010
Where did the time go?
Again my absence shouldn't have been as long as it was. A few days after we got back, our internet box crapped out. Which was fine. We figured it wouldn't take almost 3 weeks to get another. Seriously. Comcast kept pulling our leg. What was supposed to be one business day turned into a lot longer. Finally, I went down to the office to complain and they told me that the next time they would be able to come out and hook it up would be until June 27th! (the last day we had the Internet was May 18th....soooo yea.) When I told them that we wouldn't be paying for the Internet services, they suddenly found a much earlier date.
However...we got a lot of stuff done in that time. I finally cleaned the entire bedroom. There was nothing on the floor. The floors were vacuumed. I dusted. I folded laundry. I found laundry that I didn't realize we had- including about 20 pairs of Greg's socks that "disappeared". For the most part, our bedroom is still mostly clean. Although, I do have hurricane Greg that sometimes throws something on the floor and he just leaves it. Biggest. Annoyance. Ever. After I cleaned the room, we rearranged the furniture. We now have a ton more room. And it just seems to "flow" better. We do have one issue, and that's the computer desk. All I know is that Greg "promised" to fix the situation yesterday, and it's still not done. I'll give him until tonight to get it done, or I'll do it my way, and he will have to fix it. :D
Downside to my nesting is that boo's room is completely trashed. If I could only motivate my wonderful fiancee to get rid of some of the junk that he still has. But no, since his parents keep everything, so does he. Oyyyy.
Pregnancy wise...everything is going great! I started to worry around my 24th week appointment. I was told that I was going to take my glucose tolerance test. (They give you a super sugary drink and you have to sit there for one hour and then they test your blood to see how your body is processing the glucose.) I was worried about the drink the most. With my doctor's office, if you throw up the drink (it can happen) you have failed and you will have to take the longer three hour test. All I knew is that I didn't want to take that test. Luckily, I got through the one hour test with minimal side effects. Although I felt like crud or literally 3 days, I knew that if I failed, I could make it through the three hour.
I passed! Barely. But I still passed. *does a happy dance*
At my 28th week appointment I saw just how much weight I gained, again. But they said as long as I'm eating as healthy as I can, and I'm not over indulging my sweet tooth, that there isn't much I can do. The baby is going to start gaining weight like crazy. That's just how it is. So. I'm just going to try to manage my weight as much as I can.
Little man has now found my ribs and kicks them on a regular basis. He gets hiccups and it feels so weird. The funniest thing is though, if I'm laying on my side holding Greg he will kick super hard. I think little man doesn't like to be touched. Whenever we touch my belly, he goes nuts. He does less flips and more kicks and jabs. He likes to keep me up at night which makes me even more tired during the day.
All I can say is that I'm officially 29 weeks today. And that means 77 days to go. Where did the time go?
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
However...we got a lot of stuff done in that time. I finally cleaned the entire bedroom. There was nothing on the floor. The floors were vacuumed. I dusted. I folded laundry. I found laundry that I didn't realize we had- including about 20 pairs of Greg's socks that "disappeared". For the most part, our bedroom is still mostly clean. Although, I do have hurricane Greg that sometimes throws something on the floor and he just leaves it. Biggest. Annoyance. Ever. After I cleaned the room, we rearranged the furniture. We now have a ton more room. And it just seems to "flow" better. We do have one issue, and that's the computer desk. All I know is that Greg "promised" to fix the situation yesterday, and it's still not done. I'll give him until tonight to get it done, or I'll do it my way, and he will have to fix it. :D
Downside to my nesting is that boo's room is completely trashed. If I could only motivate my wonderful fiancee to get rid of some of the junk that he still has. But no, since his parents keep everything, so does he. Oyyyy.
Pregnancy wise...everything is going great! I started to worry around my 24th week appointment. I was told that I was going to take my glucose tolerance test. (They give you a super sugary drink and you have to sit there for one hour and then they test your blood to see how your body is processing the glucose.) I was worried about the drink the most. With my doctor's office, if you throw up the drink (it can happen) you have failed and you will have to take the longer three hour test. All I knew is that I didn't want to take that test. Luckily, I got through the one hour test with minimal side effects. Although I felt like crud or literally 3 days, I knew that if I failed, I could make it through the three hour.
I passed! Barely. But I still passed. *does a happy dance*
At my 28th week appointment I saw just how much weight I gained, again. But they said as long as I'm eating as healthy as I can, and I'm not over indulging my sweet tooth, that there isn't much I can do. The baby is going to start gaining weight like crazy. That's just how it is. So. I'm just going to try to manage my weight as much as I can.
Little man has now found my ribs and kicks them on a regular basis. He gets hiccups and it feels so weird. The funniest thing is though, if I'm laying on my side holding Greg he will kick super hard. I think little man doesn't like to be touched. Whenever we touch my belly, he goes nuts. He does less flips and more kicks and jabs. He likes to keep me up at night which makes me even more tired during the day.
All I can say is that I'm officially 29 weeks today. And that means 77 days to go. Where did the time go?
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Thursday, March 25, 2010
After Awhile, Water Stops Tasting Good.
I have been very good about drinking enough water for me and baby this whole pregnancy. At least 3 liters of water a day. However, I think I hit the wall. Water is just not quenching my thirst. I know it should be the go to drink, but if I have to drink another glass, I'm going to freak. I've started drinking more milk, but I can't drink it beyond the morning hours or if I have cookies. I added a little bit of juice to my daily intake due to some tummy issues with the bathroom. It's not like soda is a good option. I might drink a little when I go out to eat, but I rarely drink it at home anymore.
So here I am, forcing myself to drink water. I do it for the baby. I just wish that it would taste better. I know I could drink Crystal Light, but even that doesn't sound to appealing.
Not only am I not digging water, I'm also not very hungry. I eat breakfast (cereal with extra milk and sometimes with a piece of fruit) and then I have a pack of fruit snacks about 2 hours later. I then have to force myself to eat lunch by 1, only to eat again at 5. Lunch and dinner I have to force down. And I'm noticing that those meals are getting smaller and smaller. I have no idea what's causing this.
I'm getting a little afraid that it would be affecting the baby for the simple fact that I haven't felt Baby Boo move yesterday or today. I'm sure it's because I haven't been that active and I haven't really tried to lay down and just feel the baby. So today I'm going to try some cleaning and moving around and hopefully that will wake up the little one a little more. I know that it's still early for me to feel the little one, so I'm not trying to worry too much. I know I'm a worry wort so I need to put some things in the back of my mind.
I'm pretty stoked for this weekend though! My best friend, Jenn, and her husband are planning on coming down here for a little fishing trip. I just hope that it isn't as "cool" as they want it. Between yesterday and today the weather changed about 6 times. I haven't seen her since the end of November, so I'm pretty sure I need some "girl" time. Besides, it'll be the first time that she's actually seeing the "bump". Hell, she's the first of my friends back home that are seeing it! It's been too long...seriously.
And that means it's only 16 days until we get to find out what the baby is! (Well, hopefully) I'm planning on drinking some OJ before we go, even though I really don't like OJ. Why? It's supposed to make the baby more active. A more active baby = better chance of him or her opening their legs. And I want the baby to show it allllll off. I want to be able to tell my mom and dad and Jenn and everyone(!) what we have inside of me!
Lots of excitement in my world, let me tell ya.
Side note: I found an old teacher on facebook today. Mind you, I had a h-u-g-e crush on this teacher while in high school. Seriously, he was gorgeous. Now, I found him, I don't have the courage to add him, but I found out he got married! *tear!* No one ever thought that he would get married...a lot of us thought he was batting for the other team. But I knew he wasn't. Damn, he's married!?! :(
Yes, I know I'm knocked up and engaged to another man...so?
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
So here I am, forcing myself to drink water. I do it for the baby. I just wish that it would taste better. I know I could drink Crystal Light, but even that doesn't sound to appealing.
Not only am I not digging water, I'm also not very hungry. I eat breakfast (cereal with extra milk and sometimes with a piece of fruit) and then I have a pack of fruit snacks about 2 hours later. I then have to force myself to eat lunch by 1, only to eat again at 5. Lunch and dinner I have to force down. And I'm noticing that those meals are getting smaller and smaller. I have no idea what's causing this.
I'm getting a little afraid that it would be affecting the baby for the simple fact that I haven't felt Baby Boo move yesterday or today. I'm sure it's because I haven't been that active and I haven't really tried to lay down and just feel the baby. So today I'm going to try some cleaning and moving around and hopefully that will wake up the little one a little more. I know that it's still early for me to feel the little one, so I'm not trying to worry too much. I know I'm a worry wort so I need to put some things in the back of my mind.
I'm pretty stoked for this weekend though! My best friend, Jenn, and her husband are planning on coming down here for a little fishing trip. I just hope that it isn't as "cool" as they want it. Between yesterday and today the weather changed about 6 times. I haven't seen her since the end of November, so I'm pretty sure I need some "girl" time. Besides, it'll be the first time that she's actually seeing the "bump". Hell, she's the first of my friends back home that are seeing it! It's been too long...seriously.
And that means it's only 16 days until we get to find out what the baby is! (Well, hopefully) I'm planning on drinking some OJ before we go, even though I really don't like OJ. Why? It's supposed to make the baby more active. A more active baby = better chance of him or her opening their legs. And I want the baby to show it allllll off. I want to be able to tell my mom and dad and Jenn and everyone(!) what we have inside of me!
Lots of excitement in my world, let me tell ya.
Side note: I found an old teacher on facebook today. Mind you, I had a h-u-g-e crush on this teacher while in high school. Seriously, he was gorgeous. Now, I found him, I don't have the courage to add him, but I found out he got married! *tear!* No one ever thought that he would get married...a lot of us thought he was batting for the other team. But I knew he wasn't. Damn, he's married!?! :(
Yes, I know I'm knocked up and engaged to another man...so?
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Monday, March 22, 2010
What A Weekend.
...First let me say, I cannot write today. Seriously...I can't get my thoughts into a good entry. So I appologize in advance if I seem all over the place.
It was a good weekend! It was the first day of SPRING on Saturday. And I got to celebrate it by fishing. Didn't catch a damn thing. Got a few bites though. Greg caught a catfish and let it go. He was pretty excited that he was able to get something the first time out. I gotta love my redneck. He's kinda amazing in the fact that he can find a silver lining in any cloud. He's not negative, like me, and a whole lot calmer.
Sunday we went shopping. And I'm now convinced that I want a new crib. By new I mean, I want a BRAND new one. I found one at Burlington Coat Factory that I fell in love with. Too bad it's 260 dollars. It sure is beautiful though. I've started to look at bedding for the baby. Momma told me that she's going to buy the bedding, any bedding I want. But they're so expensive! Some bedding is more than a crib. I know I want animals...but there's so many different types. Greg tells me not to worry about it until we find out what we're having...but I want some sort of idea to give to my mom. I think when I come up that weekend, we're going to go shopping for the bedding. Maybe I can convince her to shop online? Stores don't always have a wide selection, and I don't want to be there when she does buy it. I want a suprise.
The only thing that I have decided that I need to have is a rocking/ glider chair. This to be exact. I figure I'm going to be spending a lot of time in that chair. I'm going to need something a little comfotable. I can't nurse in a computer chair. And I could always use the bed, but I won't be able to sit up for long periods of time. Sooooo a glider is the best thing.
I'm also getting pretty sick and tired of other people telling me what to do. Especially Greg's family. That I shouldn't eat half a brownie because it's cafeine and the baby shouldn't have cafeine. Or that I shouldn't be wearing flip flops. Or that I shouldn't take the city bus to walmart because I want a day away from the house. Or that the kicks that I'm feeling from the OUTSIDE (*squeal!* more about that soon) is just gas. And my favorite...that Greg shouldn't use the new back massager (best idea he has ever had) on my achy back because it will "shake the baby's brains and turn it into scrambled eggs." *Blank stare.* (This is half of my child's DNA. I'm actually a little worried now.) I know now to push myself until the point of where I'm so tired that I can barely move. I'm not doing anything that the doctor didn't say I could do. Granted, my diet could use a little help. Mainly because I'm getting hungry all the time. And if I don't have any healthy snacks I usually go for something that's not the healthiest. But seriously? I'm allowed to have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Do not try to "smack" it out of my hands. You'll lose a finger.
Soooo mildstone! The other day I was laying in bed and had my hand on my belly. Suddenly it felt like something "pushed" my fingers up. So I lifted up my hand and put it back down. And again it happened...but this time my belly got hard in that little spot. I figured it was just a muscle spasm and didn't pay much mind. The next night Greg and I were laying down to go to bed. I had my hand on my belly like always and it happend again...but it was more rapid. I pulled Greg's hand on that spot and he felt it too! It was a quick little *kick kick kick kick* but it felt sooo good. I knew I wasn't imagining it, because it wasn't just me anymore. Little Baby Boo is quite active. I still don't feel it fully from the inside, but I sure can feel it from outside. It's pretty awesome. :)
Well, I gotta go back to bed. It's pretty yucky outside and that makes for a very sleepy mommy.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
It was a good weekend! It was the first day of SPRING on Saturday. And I got to celebrate it by fishing. Didn't catch a damn thing. Got a few bites though. Greg caught a catfish and let it go. He was pretty excited that he was able to get something the first time out. I gotta love my redneck. He's kinda amazing in the fact that he can find a silver lining in any cloud. He's not negative, like me, and a whole lot calmer.
Sunday we went shopping. And I'm now convinced that I want a new crib. By new I mean, I want a BRAND new one. I found one at Burlington Coat Factory that I fell in love with. Too bad it's 260 dollars. It sure is beautiful though. I've started to look at bedding for the baby. Momma told me that she's going to buy the bedding, any bedding I want. But they're so expensive! Some bedding is more than a crib. I know I want animals...but there's so many different types. Greg tells me not to worry about it until we find out what we're having...but I want some sort of idea to give to my mom. I think when I come up that weekend, we're going to go shopping for the bedding. Maybe I can convince her to shop online? Stores don't always have a wide selection, and I don't want to be there when she does buy it. I want a suprise.
The only thing that I have decided that I need to have is a rocking/ glider chair. This to be exact. I figure I'm going to be spending a lot of time in that chair. I'm going to need something a little comfotable. I can't nurse in a computer chair. And I could always use the bed, but I won't be able to sit up for long periods of time. Sooooo a glider is the best thing.
I'm also getting pretty sick and tired of other people telling me what to do. Especially Greg's family. That I shouldn't eat half a brownie because it's cafeine and the baby shouldn't have cafeine. Or that I shouldn't be wearing flip flops. Or that I shouldn't take the city bus to walmart because I want a day away from the house. Or that the kicks that I'm feeling from the OUTSIDE (*squeal!* more about that soon) is just gas. And my favorite...that Greg shouldn't use the new back massager (best idea he has ever had) on my achy back because it will "shake the baby's brains and turn it into scrambled eggs." *Blank stare.* (This is half of my child's DNA. I'm actually a little worried now.) I know now to push myself until the point of where I'm so tired that I can barely move. I'm not doing anything that the doctor didn't say I could do. Granted, my diet could use a little help. Mainly because I'm getting hungry all the time. And if I don't have any healthy snacks I usually go for something that's not the healthiest. But seriously? I'm allowed to have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Do not try to "smack" it out of my hands. You'll lose a finger.
Soooo mildstone! The other day I was laying in bed and had my hand on my belly. Suddenly it felt like something "pushed" my fingers up. So I lifted up my hand and put it back down. And again it happened...but this time my belly got hard in that little spot. I figured it was just a muscle spasm and didn't pay much mind. The next night Greg and I were laying down to go to bed. I had my hand on my belly like always and it happend again...but it was more rapid. I pulled Greg's hand on that spot and he felt it too! It was a quick little *kick kick kick kick* but it felt sooo good. I knew I wasn't imagining it, because it wasn't just me anymore. Little Baby Boo is quite active. I still don't feel it fully from the inside, but I sure can feel it from outside. It's pretty awesome. :)
Well, I gotta go back to bed. It's pretty yucky outside and that makes for a very sleepy mommy.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Friday, March 12, 2010
Men! And Baby!
Although I am very happy with Greg...he makes me smile every day. However, sometimes he just makes me go "grrr". I know he thinks that we have money right not because of his income tax...but really...we don't. His van needs some repairs. We need to fix up our room and the nursery. He needs some new clothes. All of this requires money. Yes, it would be nice to go out to dinner...and for me to finally get that steak...but we need to save. He's a kid in a candy store when he gets a little bit of green in his hand. It drives me nuts.
I know why he does it too. His ex, Suzie, never wanted to save money. Most of the time she was out of a job, (yes I know, I'm unemployed right now...but it's not my choice to not be working.) and she always made him buy her things. He never admited that to me, but several other people did. I guess he still feels like that if he doesn't buy me things, I won't love him. Suzie treated him horribly, I just wish I could make him see I'm not like her.
With all of that being said...I really could go for a steak. *drools*
Alright, since this is a pregnancy journal, I suppose I should talk about the baby.
This entire pregnancy until yesterday, I have been craving bananas. Baby boo decided yesterday morning that he or she doesn't like bananas anymore. So much so I had to fight off morning sickness all day. I wanted to try again today and have a banana...no dice. And that big jar of JIF peanut butter we bought on Wednesday? Doesn't appeal to me at all anymore. I don't get it. I probably never will. All I know is that I want a steak and that turkey sandwich from Panera Bread.
It's harder and harder to wake up in the morning. I gotta wake up every hour and a half to pee...and then every time I want to roll over...I wake up. Greg laughs at me when I wake up. Apparently I sigh, groan, and mutter that I'm again awake. And when I'm finally asleep; I have the weirdest dreams known to man.
Seriously....last night I had another dream that I gave birth to Bruce Willis.
And that's not even the weirdest dream I've had.
Hiccups have become a daily thing. They usually start after breakfast...end right before lunch...and at night right before bed. I love this whole hiccup/heartburn combo I got going on. It's a lot of fun!
*Why do I still not have a scarcasm font????*
Baby Boo has been moving almost constantly for the past 2 days. Seems like whenever I take a drink of water (which I do quite often) he or she stirs up and won't stop moving around. It's really kind of cool. I love feeling it, but it's kinda weird when you're trying to sleep.
My digestive system is all sort of messed up. If I can't go, it sucks. If I go too much, it sucks worse. I don't get it. Oh, and the "tooting" is really not pleasant. I'm starting to make Greg feel like he's not the stinky one of this relationship.
Migranes are getting worse, but so far, I can handle them. I just really don't want to take Tylenol. Even though everyone tells me it's safe.
My teeth are super sensative. They always have been but I think I need to change toothpaste.
I'm really...forgetful. I'd forget my hands if they weren't attached.
Ummm let's see....
Since my belly is getting bigger, I love how Greg's hand falls on it when he's holding me at night. It's a little thing...but it feels so right.
On April 10th, we're going for the 3D ultrasound. I was worried that they won't be able to tell...but they assured me that if they aren't 100% sure that they will re-do the session...free of charge. They did tell me that the 3D and 4D aspect might not be what we're hoping for just because the baby will still be little and won't have much fat on them. Let's hope baby boo has their legs open!
Well, Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
I know why he does it too. His ex, Suzie, never wanted to save money. Most of the time she was out of a job, (yes I know, I'm unemployed right now...but it's not my choice to not be working.) and she always made him buy her things. He never admited that to me, but several other people did. I guess he still feels like that if he doesn't buy me things, I won't love him. Suzie treated him horribly, I just wish I could make him see I'm not like her.
With all of that being said...I really could go for a steak. *drools*
Alright, since this is a pregnancy journal, I suppose I should talk about the baby.
This entire pregnancy until yesterday, I have been craving bananas. Baby boo decided yesterday morning that he or she doesn't like bananas anymore. So much so I had to fight off morning sickness all day. I wanted to try again today and have a banana...no dice. And that big jar of JIF peanut butter we bought on Wednesday? Doesn't appeal to me at all anymore. I don't get it. I probably never will. All I know is that I want a steak and that turkey sandwich from Panera Bread.
It's harder and harder to wake up in the morning. I gotta wake up every hour and a half to pee...and then every time I want to roll over...I wake up. Greg laughs at me when I wake up. Apparently I sigh, groan, and mutter that I'm again awake. And when I'm finally asleep; I have the weirdest dreams known to man.
Seriously....last night I had another dream that I gave birth to Bruce Willis.
And that's not even the weirdest dream I've had.
Hiccups have become a daily thing. They usually start after breakfast...end right before lunch...and at night right before bed. I love this whole hiccup/heartburn combo I got going on. It's a lot of fun!
*Why do I still not have a scarcasm font????*
Baby Boo has been moving almost constantly for the past 2 days. Seems like whenever I take a drink of water (which I do quite often) he or she stirs up and won't stop moving around. It's really kind of cool. I love feeling it, but it's kinda weird when you're trying to sleep.
My digestive system is all sort of messed up. If I can't go, it sucks. If I go too much, it sucks worse. I don't get it. Oh, and the "tooting" is really not pleasant. I'm starting to make Greg feel like he's not the stinky one of this relationship.
Migranes are getting worse, but so far, I can handle them. I just really don't want to take Tylenol. Even though everyone tells me it's safe.
My teeth are super sensative. They always have been but I think I need to change toothpaste.
I'm really...forgetful. I'd forget my hands if they weren't attached.
Ummm let's see....
Since my belly is getting bigger, I love how Greg's hand falls on it when he's holding me at night. It's a little thing...but it feels so right.
On April 10th, we're going for the 3D ultrasound. I was worried that they won't be able to tell...but they assured me that if they aren't 100% sure that they will re-do the session...free of charge. They did tell me that the 3D and 4D aspect might not be what we're hoping for just because the baby will still be little and won't have much fat on them. Let's hope baby boo has their legs open!
Well, Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
What was so wrong about the '90's?
Yesterday I was talking to a friend that I haven't spoken to in a while. He just found out that his girlfriend and him are expecting! After we exchanged congradulatory comments (he didn't know I was "with child" either) he said something that really shocked me. "I'm just glad that I'm raising my child in th 2000's then the '90's."
I know what he ment by that statement. That there are more programs in place for children then there was back then. And that technology has improved. There are more schools. Just in general...more things for his child then there was.
I, on the other hand, disagree.
I'm going to try to keep this as short as I possibly can...but this is a rant that is 16 hours plus in the making:
I want to show my child that with everything we have now, sometimes it's better to have simplier things. I miss a lot from my childhood.
I guess I'm talking about something bigger than myself. I see what has been happening to the world in the past few years. It makes me sick that there's nothing I can do to prevent my child from being exposed to bad things. I just hope that I'll be able to raise a child that's strong enough to protect themselves from all the terrible stuff that can happen.
So I ask: what was really that bad about the '90s?
Until next time:
~MommyToBee
I know what he ment by that statement. That there are more programs in place for children then there was back then. And that technology has improved. There are more schools. Just in general...more things for his child then there was.
I, on the other hand, disagree.
I'm going to try to keep this as short as I possibly can...but this is a rant that is 16 hours plus in the making:
*I don't want to teach my child that it's okay to take text messages during dinner.
*That it's okay to not know your neighbor. That first names are good enough.
*That video games is the norm, not a luxuary.
*You can google anything your parents don't want you to know just yet.
*It doesn't matter what you do, you can be a celebrity. And somehow, it's cool to be drunk/ bitchy/ attention-seeking/ rehab going/ talentless no one.
*Yes, we had Britney Spears. But she never pole danced at a kids award show when she was 17.
*People cared more about voting for the President then for American Idol.
I want to show my child that with everything we have now, sometimes it's better to have simplier things. I miss a lot from my childhood.
*I want to see more "Rugrats" and "Hey Arnold" and take away "Spongebob" and pretty much anything on the Cartoon Network.
*I want to see the "Spice Girls" message back: Girls Rule. Now adays we have girls running around in hotpants (and in one case, no pants...Lady Gaga...we get it...you're "edgy"...now put on some normal clothes) and singing about getting drunk from sun up til way past sun down.
*I want to be able to watch the news and not hear about any "celebrity" and how they "went to rehab" or "fell off the wagon" or "put on weight." I really don't care to hear about these people. So what if a golf player had affairs or an actress is spotted stumbling home from a club after she claimed to be "sober".
*I want to watch television that the whole family can watch. Like "Full House" or "The Frest Prince of Bel-Air". And not have to cover my child's eyes and ears when they talk about something sexual or inapporpriate.
*I want my child to go to a school where they don't have to walk through a metal dector at the grade school level.
I guess I'm talking about something bigger than myself. I see what has been happening to the world in the past few years. It makes me sick that there's nothing I can do to prevent my child from being exposed to bad things. I just hope that I'll be able to raise a child that's strong enough to protect themselves from all the terrible stuff that can happen.
So I ask: what was really that bad about the '90s?
Until next time:
~MommyToBee
Saturday, February 27, 2010
"Baby, it was only a dream..."
One of the things I found out is when you're pregnant, you have more dreams/nightmares. I've always had an active subconscience...but it's a little crazy right now. Every night I have at least one dream where I'm as big as an apartment complex and Greg is cheating on me. And he's cheating on me with people I know but I haven't talked to in years. When I wake up, I am insanely miffed and jealous. The other night I actually punched him, I was so mad.
My name is Amanda, and I think I abuse my boyfriend...
Of course, he has never cheated on me. Nor has he ever cheated on anyone. But these dreams are so real. And after more than a few dreams I literally cannot go back to sleep. All I can do is roll over, hold him and know that he is laying next to me and that he's not going around behind my back. I have no reason to believe he's cheating, because we're attached at the hip. And when he has to go to work...he's texting me...almost constantly. So why am I bugging out?
Well. He does have a few friends that are women. Not a big deal, right? *buzzer sound* I loathe the one woman. Her husband works with Greg but he doesn't talk to her husband. And she texts Greg...alot. We've only met once but for some reason, I don't trust her. But shouldn't I trust my fiancee? Duh, of course. I just don't like how she eyed him up. I feel like a dog that must mark my territory and snap on anyone who tries to go after what's mine.
The sick thing is? It's not even women. Lately he's been helping people out with their cars. He's real good and working on that kind of stuff. And he's getting paid for most of it. But they are taking him away from me. I'm grateful that he has a real skill (I still think that he should go get his G.E.D and see if anywhere would hire him.) but does he have to do it every Saturday? And sometimes during the week? He'll get calls saying "Oh are you going to do *blank* for me?" They honestly expect him to drop everything to do whatever they want. Every night he gets texts and calls for all sorts of things. It bugs the hell outta me.
I already told him I get him, all to myself, a month before the due date and at least two months after the baby is born. He didn't really like that at first but eventually he agreed.
I'm sure that the reason why I'm feeling so jealous is because I am getting insecure. I love my baby bump. But, other things are growing too. Like my booty, *I had to google booty...cause I didn't remember how to spell it* hips, legs and boobs. That, and up until about a week ago, I had no sex drive. So I felt that if I wasn't giving him what he wanted, he would find someone who would. And that maybe I'm not that interesting. That's why he always going off and working on peoples' cars. In my sick mind, it makes a lot of sense.
I trust Greg. I really do. And I have never had these thoughts about him before I got pregnant. This is a new thing. I just wish that these nightmares would stop. I'm losing sleep and losing faith. It seems so silly, but it's really eating me up inside.
Well, now that I got that out of my system. I'm sorry for the emo post yesterday. That is the number one reason why I shouldn't blog when I'm already crying for no reason. It's been a very bipolar week for me. Ha, this baby is going to make me even crazier.
Side note: Everything has been going well. I *think* I'm feeling the baby move. It kinda feels like gas. It's kinda weird. It's also really cool if it is the baby. It's just something I got to bring up to the doctor and see if it is the baby or just phantom flutters.
Next post WILL have pictures. I decied that even though my laptop is dead and my desktop is a pos, I'm going to make it work. :)
Until later
~MommyToBee
My name is Amanda, and I think I abuse my boyfriend...
Of course, he has never cheated on me. Nor has he ever cheated on anyone. But these dreams are so real. And after more than a few dreams I literally cannot go back to sleep. All I can do is roll over, hold him and know that he is laying next to me and that he's not going around behind my back. I have no reason to believe he's cheating, because we're attached at the hip. And when he has to go to work...he's texting me...almost constantly. So why am I bugging out?
Well. He does have a few friends that are women. Not a big deal, right? *buzzer sound* I loathe the one woman. Her husband works with Greg but he doesn't talk to her husband. And she texts Greg...alot. We've only met once but for some reason, I don't trust her. But shouldn't I trust my fiancee? Duh, of course. I just don't like how she eyed him up. I feel like a dog that must mark my territory and snap on anyone who tries to go after what's mine.
The sick thing is? It's not even women. Lately he's been helping people out with their cars. He's real good and working on that kind of stuff. And he's getting paid for most of it. But they are taking him away from me. I'm grateful that he has a real skill (I still think that he should go get his G.E.D and see if anywhere would hire him.) but does he have to do it every Saturday? And sometimes during the week? He'll get calls saying "Oh are you going to do *blank* for me?" They honestly expect him to drop everything to do whatever they want. Every night he gets texts and calls for all sorts of things. It bugs the hell outta me.
I already told him I get him, all to myself, a month before the due date and at least two months after the baby is born. He didn't really like that at first but eventually he agreed.
I'm sure that the reason why I'm feeling so jealous is because I am getting insecure. I love my baby bump. But, other things are growing too. Like my booty, *I had to google booty...cause I didn't remember how to spell it* hips, legs and boobs. That, and up until about a week ago, I had no sex drive. So I felt that if I wasn't giving him what he wanted, he would find someone who would. And that maybe I'm not that interesting. That's why he always going off and working on peoples' cars. In my sick mind, it makes a lot of sense.
I trust Greg. I really do. And I have never had these thoughts about him before I got pregnant. This is a new thing. I just wish that these nightmares would stop. I'm losing sleep and losing faith. It seems so silly, but it's really eating me up inside.
Well, now that I got that out of my system. I'm sorry for the emo post yesterday. That is the number one reason why I shouldn't blog when I'm already crying for no reason. It's been a very bipolar week for me. Ha, this baby is going to make me even crazier.
Side note: Everything has been going well. I *think* I'm feeling the baby move. It kinda feels like gas. It's kinda weird. It's also really cool if it is the baby. It's just something I got to bring up to the doctor and see if it is the baby or just phantom flutters.
Next post WILL have pictures. I decied that even though my laptop is dead and my desktop is a pos, I'm going to make it work. :)
Until later
~MommyToBee
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
We will always miss you. *graphic*
"That bag is way to heavy for you to carry."
"You really shouldn't smoke at a time like this."
"Amanda, you need to eat more...it's not just you right now."
"Sit down for a second, you'll overheat."
"Why are you doing the truck while pregnant."
"You need to sleep, it isn't good for you not to sleep."
"Cramping and spotting is normal. Don't worry, you'll be fine!"
...I heard it all the weeks coming leading up to my miscarriage. No one seemed to realize that I was trying my best but physically I was pushing myself to the limit. I chalked everything up to the pregnancy. The sleepness nights because I was worried if I would be ready; the lack of wanting eat because of morning sickness. But most of all, to keep working as hard as I ever did because I knew fiancially I would not be ready. I was stressed and scared but most of all, so over the moon happy. And although I had no energy I just thought it was normal. That's what others said when I brought up what I was feeling.
But we would all be wrong. So wrong.
I though the greatest day of my life was June 10th 2009. Greg and I were celebrating his birthday. He was going to come over to my house and then we were going to go away for the afternoon. After 2 months of not having my period and countless negative pregnancy tests, I got a postive. My jaw dropped and my stomach fluttered. I cried. For a brief second, I was surrounded by fear of what was going to happen, but it was soon replaced by elation. My happiness grew even more when Greg saw the test and he said: "I got the best present ever."
That day, he got on his knee and told me that I will never be lonely ever again and put one of *my* rings on my finger.
Slowly but surely we started to tell people. I was most nervous to tell my mom. For years she's been telling me that she's too young to be a grandmother, but oh my God she gave me the greatest hug and biggest smile when I told her. Things were going great. Everyone was so happy, but no one was happier than me. One of my earliest memories is playing with my dolls and calling myself mommy. I know lots of little girls have that wish, but all I ever wanted to be was a mommy when I grew up. My wish was coming true. I could not wait for my little munchkin to come into the world.
On the 4th of July I started to feel a little...off. I didn't think it was serious. Just that the baby was growing or I ate some bad cook out or something. I tried to push it out of my mind and enjoy the holiday, and it worked until the next day. I felt so sick. My digestive system was out of wack, and I was not hungry at all. I tried to just work though it. That it will pass. I kept working and not really trying to work really hard but not slow down. Little did I know my body was telling me something. And it screamed on July 7th.
I woke up and I had the middle shift that day. I go in at 11, start working on toliet paper and paper towels. That was the only thing I was allowed to lift, as long as it wasn't the whole case. I started to feel really funny again and I went to the bathroom. Nothing can prepare a pregnant woman to see bright red when they go to the bathroom. I didn't know what to do. I go to my boss and say that I need to go the hospital, that I was starting to spot. I have never seen anyone in that store move as fast as she did. Within minutes the drawer I was using was taken down, and Greg came right away. By this time my cramps are getting worse, but I'm sure they are gas pains. So I'm not really worried yet. The short trip from my work to the hospital took forever.
When I arrived at the hospital they had to do all the normal stuff: pee in a cup, take your vitals, get some blood. Although the waiting room was full I went back as soon as I was able to pee. Nurses and doctors came in and talked to me. "You're going to have an ultrasound to see what's going on." Within what seemed like seconds, I was in the ultrasound room and my whole world just stopped.
Greg came into the room with me. The woman preforming the ultrasound tried doing an external one but since I'm heavy they couldn't see very well. They prepped me for an internal one. I wasn't able to see the screen but Greg could. All I could see was his eyes when he looked at the screen and started to tear up. That was my first inkling that something was definately wrong. He later told me. "I just didn't see anything."
I layed in that emergency room bed for 3 hours before they told me that I lost the baby. I don't remember a lot after that. Just that a nurse came in and told me that she is so sorry about what had happened and the doctor telling me that although I was 11 weeks along, the baby didn't make it past 6 weeks. And that they will have to do surgery. All I could think was just take my heart instead. It would be easier that way.
I had to wait two days before they were able to preform the DnE that I needed. Just knowing that in my belly there wasn't a life like I thought there was. Those were the hardest two days of my life. I would have moments when I would laugh and others when I could not control my sobbing. I had to tell people that I lost my child. And everytime I tell someone, my heat would break all over again. Greg would hold me while we both cried and wipe away my tears so I would be able to to see. I realized how lucky I am to have such a wonderful man in my life, and that if we could survive this, we could get through anything.
I didn't have much pain. And when the surgery happened I remember being so out of it with the medicine but right before I fell asleep on the table I regretted everything I might have done to jeapordize this baby's life. I know people said it wasn't my fault. But I knew it was. The surgery went prefectly, and I got the greatest apple juice ever.
I healed from the surgery and I went to work 3 days after I had the surgery. I went from from the expecting cashier to the empty employee over night. While I was at work I started feeling funny again and started bleeding again. The doctors told me this would happen, so I didn't think of it. But the next morning I knew something wasn't right. After not being able to sleep and having severe pain Greg helped me to the bathroom that's when we heard something. (I won't post what it was/ sounded like. That is something that no one else should know about.) I have never gotten to the hospital faster. I thought I was dying. I believed it too.
The doctor topld me that they didn't get everything during the procedure and they will be admitting me in the hospital overnight and giving me medicine to make sure they got it all now. And if the medicine didn't work I'll need to have a DnC and it is possible that I would become sterile.
Luckily that wasn't the case and they were able to get everything without the second surgery. But for a brief second I thought that I would never have kids. I saw my dream floating away. I was warned that I might not be able to concieve right away. And that I need to wait at least 3 months before trying again. I knew I wanted to try again, but Greg needed to be convinced. He did not want the same thing to happen again. And no amount of me trying to convince him would do the trick. He was sure that it would happen again.
Our lives slowly got back to "normal". We decided taht we wanted to get married before we tried to have another baby. And in October I finally got my *ring*. God had other plans though. Because on Christmas eve I took a pregnancy test and it was postive. We weren't trying. And I didn't think it would happen so soon. I had myself sold to the idea that it might not happen for him and I. But sure enough, I am 13 weeks and 2 days pregnant with his child. And I could not be happier.
But with most of the things in my life, there is a little cloud hanging over me. I still worry about every little ache and pain I have. I know I shouldn't, but I do. I know our munchkin is watching over us, and I think our angel sent this baby to us, knowing how much we miss it. I am so happy that I am having a baby and I cannot help but to think about the one who is still watching over us. Every night when I talk to my stomach, I tilt my head up to the sky and say a little something to the one who made me so strong.
I am sorry if this was graphic or disturbing to anyone or that it was so long. But last night I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about munchkin. And I plan on telling baby boo about it's big brother or sister that will always be watching over us. Well notw that I'm a sobbing mess, I say:
Until later:
~MommyToBee
"You really shouldn't smoke at a time like this."
"Amanda, you need to eat more...it's not just you right now."
"Sit down for a second, you'll overheat."
"Why are you doing the truck while pregnant."
"You need to sleep, it isn't good for you not to sleep."
"Cramping and spotting is normal. Don't worry, you'll be fine!"
...I heard it all the weeks coming leading up to my miscarriage. No one seemed to realize that I was trying my best but physically I was pushing myself to the limit. I chalked everything up to the pregnancy. The sleepness nights because I was worried if I would be ready; the lack of wanting eat because of morning sickness. But most of all, to keep working as hard as I ever did because I knew fiancially I would not be ready. I was stressed and scared but most of all, so over the moon happy. And although I had no energy I just thought it was normal. That's what others said when I brought up what I was feeling.
But we would all be wrong. So wrong.
I though the greatest day of my life was June 10th 2009. Greg and I were celebrating his birthday. He was going to come over to my house and then we were going to go away for the afternoon. After 2 months of not having my period and countless negative pregnancy tests, I got a postive. My jaw dropped and my stomach fluttered. I cried. For a brief second, I was surrounded by fear of what was going to happen, but it was soon replaced by elation. My happiness grew even more when Greg saw the test and he said: "I got the best present ever."
That day, he got on his knee and told me that I will never be lonely ever again and put one of *my* rings on my finger.
Slowly but surely we started to tell people. I was most nervous to tell my mom. For years she's been telling me that she's too young to be a grandmother, but oh my God she gave me the greatest hug and biggest smile when I told her. Things were going great. Everyone was so happy, but no one was happier than me. One of my earliest memories is playing with my dolls and calling myself mommy. I know lots of little girls have that wish, but all I ever wanted to be was a mommy when I grew up. My wish was coming true. I could not wait for my little munchkin to come into the world.
On the 4th of July I started to feel a little...off. I didn't think it was serious. Just that the baby was growing or I ate some bad cook out or something. I tried to push it out of my mind and enjoy the holiday, and it worked until the next day. I felt so sick. My digestive system was out of wack, and I was not hungry at all. I tried to just work though it. That it will pass. I kept working and not really trying to work really hard but not slow down. Little did I know my body was telling me something. And it screamed on July 7th.
I woke up and I had the middle shift that day. I go in at 11, start working on toliet paper and paper towels. That was the only thing I was allowed to lift, as long as it wasn't the whole case. I started to feel really funny again and I went to the bathroom. Nothing can prepare a pregnant woman to see bright red when they go to the bathroom. I didn't know what to do. I go to my boss and say that I need to go the hospital, that I was starting to spot. I have never seen anyone in that store move as fast as she did. Within minutes the drawer I was using was taken down, and Greg came right away. By this time my cramps are getting worse, but I'm sure they are gas pains. So I'm not really worried yet. The short trip from my work to the hospital took forever.
When I arrived at the hospital they had to do all the normal stuff: pee in a cup, take your vitals, get some blood. Although the waiting room was full I went back as soon as I was able to pee. Nurses and doctors came in and talked to me. "You're going to have an ultrasound to see what's going on." Within what seemed like seconds, I was in the ultrasound room and my whole world just stopped.
Greg came into the room with me. The woman preforming the ultrasound tried doing an external one but since I'm heavy they couldn't see very well. They prepped me for an internal one. I wasn't able to see the screen but Greg could. All I could see was his eyes when he looked at the screen and started to tear up. That was my first inkling that something was definately wrong. He later told me. "I just didn't see anything."
I layed in that emergency room bed for 3 hours before they told me that I lost the baby. I don't remember a lot after that. Just that a nurse came in and told me that she is so sorry about what had happened and the doctor telling me that although I was 11 weeks along, the baby didn't make it past 6 weeks. And that they will have to do surgery. All I could think was just take my heart instead. It would be easier that way.
I had to wait two days before they were able to preform the DnE that I needed. Just knowing that in my belly there wasn't a life like I thought there was. Those were the hardest two days of my life. I would have moments when I would laugh and others when I could not control my sobbing. I had to tell people that I lost my child. And everytime I tell someone, my heat would break all over again. Greg would hold me while we both cried and wipe away my tears so I would be able to to see. I realized how lucky I am to have such a wonderful man in my life, and that if we could survive this, we could get through anything.
I didn't have much pain. And when the surgery happened I remember being so out of it with the medicine but right before I fell asleep on the table I regretted everything I might have done to jeapordize this baby's life. I know people said it wasn't my fault. But I knew it was. The surgery went prefectly, and I got the greatest apple juice ever.
I healed from the surgery and I went to work 3 days after I had the surgery. I went from from the expecting cashier to the empty employee over night. While I was at work I started feeling funny again and started bleeding again. The doctors told me this would happen, so I didn't think of it. But the next morning I knew something wasn't right. After not being able to sleep and having severe pain Greg helped me to the bathroom that's when we heard something. (I won't post what it was/ sounded like. That is something that no one else should know about.) I have never gotten to the hospital faster. I thought I was dying. I believed it too.
The doctor topld me that they didn't get everything during the procedure and they will be admitting me in the hospital overnight and giving me medicine to make sure they got it all now. And if the medicine didn't work I'll need to have a DnC and it is possible that I would become sterile.
Luckily that wasn't the case and they were able to get everything without the second surgery. But for a brief second I thought that I would never have kids. I saw my dream floating away. I was warned that I might not be able to concieve right away. And that I need to wait at least 3 months before trying again. I knew I wanted to try again, but Greg needed to be convinced. He did not want the same thing to happen again. And no amount of me trying to convince him would do the trick. He was sure that it would happen again.
Our lives slowly got back to "normal". We decided taht we wanted to get married before we tried to have another baby. And in October I finally got my *ring*. God had other plans though. Because on Christmas eve I took a pregnancy test and it was postive. We weren't trying. And I didn't think it would happen so soon. I had myself sold to the idea that it might not happen for him and I. But sure enough, I am 13 weeks and 2 days pregnant with his child. And I could not be happier.
But with most of the things in my life, there is a little cloud hanging over me. I still worry about every little ache and pain I have. I know I shouldn't, but I do. I know our munchkin is watching over us, and I think our angel sent this baby to us, knowing how much we miss it. I am so happy that I am having a baby and I cannot help but to think about the one who is still watching over us. Every night when I talk to my stomach, I tilt my head up to the sky and say a little something to the one who made me so strong.
I am sorry if this was graphic or disturbing to anyone or that it was so long. But last night I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about munchkin. And I plan on telling baby boo about it's big brother or sister that will always be watching over us. Well notw that I'm a sobbing mess, I say:
Until later:
~MommyToBee
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