Last Post As A MommyToBee

I have started to write this post over and over since I've become full term.  Then, at my due date, I almost had it posted, but realized that my pregnancy journey still wasn't done.  So, with a heavy heart (and empty arms) I deleted it and decided to write a new one once I felt the time was right.

While I don't know what to say, all I can do is just hope that somehow I'll be a good mother.  I know that in the end, it doesn't matter if Boo has all the latest toys or that his clothes are brand new.  What matters the most is that he's taken care of, protected and loved.  I may doubt myself at times about how I can take care of a child, I know that he will never go without love.

In my previous drafts I have long explanations about how my pregnancy has brought me to where I am; but now they no longer seem to hold merit.  So instead, I leave with a letter to my son.  (Who at this current moment is going nuts inside my belly.)

BooBoo:
Christmas Eve morning was one of the best mornings ever.  That's when I first knew about you.  Sure, I had an idea before...but that little test confirmed it.  You were growing inside of me.  And from that moment on, I knew my life wouldn't be the same.  You filled a little hole inside of my heart that was empty.  When I told your Daddy, he cried.  Not tears of sadness, but we were just so happy to know that you were coming.

From the moment I saw you on the first ultrasound, I knew you were going to be a hand full.  Even the technician said that you were bouncing around and full of life.  You didn't want to sit still enough for him to get your hear beat.  When you were finally big enough for us to hear your heartbeat, it was the sweetest sound that anyone could ever hope for.  I still pray everyday to hear that precious sound. 

Then when it came time to "see" you again you were much bigger.  We found out that you were a boy!  Something that I secretly knew the whole time.  We saw you move and kick and suck on your wrist.  I wished then that I could give you the world...because that's what you deserve.

You continued to grow and grow.  And I got to know your personality a little more.  Yes, even when you were in my tummy you liked to make Mommy worry.  Sometimes you didn't want to move.  And other times you only wanted to move when Mommy was tired and just wanted to go to sleep.  I knew that to get rid of your hiccups I have to hold and rock you.   And how when Mommy gets upset you kick me in my ribs.  And yet somehow, when I'm upset you can console me like no one else.

We patiently waited for your arrival, even when I thought you were done in there.  You decided that you were in the one in control, and refused to budge.  But now it's time that you'll be here very, very soon.  And while I'm sad that you'll no longer be inside of me, I cannot wait to have you in my arms.  You'll never know how much I love you, Boo.  You'll never know how much you changed my life. 

I love you so much my precious little one,
Mommy