With the wedding fastly approaching, I have set up a timeline and to do list. As well, I have also started my diet. While it's not "perfect" I already seem to be losing something. I can't really see it (because I'm huge) but I can feel it. Which, is a win in my eyes.
Although I have had someone help me with all the preparations, I still feel quite rushed. In only 66 days I will be "Mrs. Thomas" and I am so nervous that something is going to go wrong. Lately, there have been a lot of problems that seem to be following us. My biggest worry is that this little black cloud is going to linger until the big day. All I can do is just try to prepare for the worst and just keep my head up high.
Things are being crossed off my to do list. Like, Jaden's outfit is done. The centerpieces will be done next week. The final guest list is done. And the RSVPs are coming in. (More about that later) Everything really feels like it's falling in place. So why do I feel like nothing is done, and it will never be done?
Oh, because I'm crazy. That's why.
I have ZERO reason to worry that things won't be done. But I just can't help it. Money is tight and seems like the closer we get, the more money we are putting in. Not that that's a bad thing. We are getting one hell of a deal and sticking to a good budget. I just don't understand where the funds are going. It is truly mind boggling. And to top it off- people are INVITING themselves to our event. Ummm how about no? I'm pretty sure people aren't going to like what I have to say when I tell them "Really? Yea, no. You're NOT invited." I will not hesitate to have the front desk clerk check the guest list. I'm THAT serious.
I'm hoping that things will slow down soon, but I know it'll only pick up. Oy. I can't wait to be married!
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Monday, May 2, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Blogging has gotten away from me. :(
So much has been happening lately. Last week, I had a mini-vacay at my wonderful bestie's house. It was great to get away, but I missed Greg. Yes, he gets on my nerves...but what can I say...I love him. While I was there, we got a lot of wedding stuff accomplished. A new venue. The bouquets. The room design. The cake. The cake topper. Most of the music. All but one dress. Alternations on two dresses. Jaden's outfit has been picked out. Groomsmen go for fittings next week.
In baby news:
Jaden is officially crawling! And he is cruising around. His favorite word is "da da". But last night...he said the sweetest thing. I cried a little when I finally heard "mama". Ohhhhh. Here come the tears now!
Once I have more time, I really need to update this more in depth. Until next time:
~MommyToBee
In baby news:
Jaden is officially crawling! And he is cruising around. His favorite word is "da da". But last night...he said the sweetest thing. I cried a little when I finally heard "mama". Ohhhhh. Here come the tears now!
Once I have more time, I really need to update this more in depth. Until next time:
~MommyToBee
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
I've been terrible updating this.
Ever since Greg's been out of work, I have gotten less accomplished. Today, I threw him out. It's just Jaden and me. And I'm cleaning. Seriously. EVERYTHING is getting cleaned. Remember in previous posts about how I call Greg a hurricane? Well currently it looks more like a tornado. I can't wait to get everything cleaned up!
Jaden is doing so good. We started him on solids. He loves squash and peas. Carrots aren't a top favorite, but he'll eat them. Green beans are a no go. And today we tried some apples. Hopefully that will help him poop (sorry, TMI!). It's been 6 days and he's starting to be grumpy. (wouldn't you if it's been almost a week?) He's still breastfeeding like a champ. He loves his momma milk. And he is starting to get possive over them. When He's really hungry he will grab my shirt and open his mouth wide. I think it's cute, but I have to stop it. That's apart of nrusing manners. He can't do that.
He is also starting to talk! OMG!! So far he only says "da da" and what I think is "yeahhhhh" *his voice goes high towards the end*. He babbles and gets upset if you don't talk back to him. It's so cute. Not only that, but he is able to pull himself up to a standing postion for a while now. And instead of crawling (which he can do poorly...can't figure out that only one arm can be up at a time) he wants to cruise around! My little man can't start walking yet!!!! :( Oy.
Wedding stuff is going great, thanks to my wonderful bestie. She really has taken charge of everything. Jenn, you are awesome!
The last dress has been bought. The cake is ordered. I'm waiting for confirmation on the new venue. The music is being taken care of. The food is on the back burner, but that's coming along well. Centerpieces just need to be bought and assembled. Greg and his men still need their threads, and that's coming up soon. Guest list is almost 100% completed. And the invites are going to be ordered this week.
For now, I'm going to get my butt in gear and clean. I only got a few hours before the manchild comes home!
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Jaden is doing so good. We started him on solids. He loves squash and peas. Carrots aren't a top favorite, but he'll eat them. Green beans are a no go. And today we tried some apples. Hopefully that will help him poop (sorry, TMI!). It's been 6 days and he's starting to be grumpy. (wouldn't you if it's been almost a week?) He's still breastfeeding like a champ. He loves his momma milk. And he is starting to get possive over them. When He's really hungry he will grab my shirt and open his mouth wide. I think it's cute, but I have to stop it. That's apart of nrusing manners. He can't do that.
He is also starting to talk! OMG!! So far he only says "da da" and what I think is "yeahhhhh" *his voice goes high towards the end*. He babbles and gets upset if you don't talk back to him. It's so cute. Not only that, but he is able to pull himself up to a standing postion for a while now. And instead of crawling (which he can do poorly...can't figure out that only one arm can be up at a time) he wants to cruise around! My little man can't start walking yet!!!! :( Oy.
Wedding stuff is going great, thanks to my wonderful bestie. She really has taken charge of everything. Jenn, you are awesome!
The last dress has been bought. The cake is ordered. I'm waiting for confirmation on the new venue. The music is being taken care of. The food is on the back burner, but that's coming along well. Centerpieces just need to be bought and assembled. Greg and his men still need their threads, and that's coming up soon. Guest list is almost 100% completed. And the invites are going to be ordered this week.
For now, I'm going to get my butt in gear and clean. I only got a few hours before the manchild comes home!
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Forgive me, for I have been slacking.
With Greg not working he has been up my butt lounging around while I try to get everything done for the wedding, take care of baby and pretty much do everything else. He says he's "trying" but I know he's pretty depressed. I know it's hard, but I need him out of the house. I can only take so much of my fiancee before I want to punch him in the face. He's a lovable guy...but good grief.
We hit a snag with wedding plans. With Greg losing his job, we can no longer afford the Holiday Inn reception hall. With barely any income, all our extra pennies need to go to saving for the wedding. However, even if we didn't need gas for the jeep, or insurance, or needed to eat...we wouldn't have enough. Our cell phones would be cut off, Jaden wouldn't have diapers, and quite possibly we wouldn't even be able to afford soap. I'm not saying with are destitute, but life happened. Money is gone. We have to stay on top of everything.
I know we could just post pone the wedding. And I would be okay with that...except for the fact that I am ready to be married. Sounds cliche, but I am sick and tired of not being married to the father of my child. Yes, him and I have our problems, but we are doing great so far. He has done more for me without complaining than any other man. He is my rock. My love. The one I wanna be with.
Jaden has been so great. At his last appointment, he weighed in at 19 pounds 3 ounces, 27 3/4 inches long. Since then, we started him on solids. He loves peas and carrots, green beans are another story. He is starting to crawl, although he hasn't gotten it down quite yet. Actually, he sort of prefers to stand up and cruise. :( My little boy can't be this grown up!
Well, now it's off to try to motivate Greg into looking for wedding stuff or to go out with his nephew driving.
Until Next Time (I'll have more to update, promise!)
~MommyToBee
We hit a snag with wedding plans. With Greg losing his job, we can no longer afford the Holiday Inn reception hall. With barely any income, all our extra pennies need to go to saving for the wedding. However, even if we didn't need gas for the jeep, or insurance, or needed to eat...we wouldn't have enough. Our cell phones would be cut off, Jaden wouldn't have diapers, and quite possibly we wouldn't even be able to afford soap. I'm not saying with are destitute, but life happened. Money is gone. We have to stay on top of everything.
I know we could just post pone the wedding. And I would be okay with that...except for the fact that I am ready to be married. Sounds cliche, but I am sick and tired of not being married to the father of my child. Yes, him and I have our problems, but we are doing great so far. He has done more for me without complaining than any other man. He is my rock. My love. The one I wanna be with.
Jaden has been so great. At his last appointment, he weighed in at 19 pounds 3 ounces, 27 3/4 inches long. Since then, we started him on solids. He loves peas and carrots, green beans are another story. He is starting to crawl, although he hasn't gotten it down quite yet. Actually, he sort of prefers to stand up and cruise. :( My little boy can't be this grown up!
Well, now it's off to try to motivate Greg into looking for wedding stuff or to go out with his nephew driving.
Until Next Time (I'll have more to update, promise!)
~MommyToBee
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Why Momma Needs To Get Her Groove Back *TMI!!!*
Since Jaden has been born, Greg and I have only had sex twice. And we have "attempted" 3 times. That means, less than once a month we "get it on". He tries to no avial to get me in the mood to have sex, but I always seem to turn him down. He is still very attractive in my eyes and I would like to be intimate, but I just can't for some reason.
And "for some reason" I mean these:
*I have let myself go. I am the fattest I have ever been. And I am disgusted at how gross I really am.
*I love to have my breasts played with. While they are not techicnally off limits, I feel weird about what I feed my child is also Daddy's play things.
*Jaden is still co-sleeping with us. I love having my little boy next to me, but that kind of limits how "sexy time" happens. It has to be planned out. And more than likely-it won't happen in the bed.
*Physcially, it's hard to have it right now. I don't want to go into too many details with that.
*And well...it hurts. Not where you might think, either. Whenever I get "turned on", my c-section scar itches and aches. I was told that it could happen. And that if it did become an issue, there is nothing that can be done for it. (Lucky me.)
For a little bit, Greg was understanding...well as understanding as a man could be. But now, it's really starting to effect or relationship.
We once had a spark. I can't explain it. But we were so "on" with one another. We had the same thoughts, we could litterally finish eachothers' sentences. Now, it's like we're becoming strangers. We lost that "spark". I feel like he's falling out of love with me, and me with him.
And that depresses me to no end. I truly want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I think I have pushed him away and used with holding sex as some sort of punishment. Why do I subconciously feel like I need to punish him? I have no idea, but I need to figure it out.
Because I will not let the fact that we have a child change our sex lives. Even if it means me not enjoying it for a while...I need to try at least. I cannot lose that man because of a low sex drive. I got to make it work somehow. Greg is worth at least a good honest college try.
Let's just hope I can somehow make this work.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
And "for some reason" I mean these:
*I have let myself go. I am the fattest I have ever been. And I am disgusted at how gross I really am.
*I love to have my breasts played with. While they are not techicnally off limits, I feel weird about what I feed my child is also Daddy's play things.
*Jaden is still co-sleeping with us. I love having my little boy next to me, but that kind of limits how "sexy time" happens. It has to be planned out. And more than likely-it won't happen in the bed.
*Physcially, it's hard to have it right now. I don't want to go into too many details with that.
*And well...it hurts. Not where you might think, either. Whenever I get "turned on", my c-section scar itches and aches. I was told that it could happen. And that if it did become an issue, there is nothing that can be done for it. (Lucky me.)
For a little bit, Greg was understanding...well as understanding as a man could be. But now, it's really starting to effect or relationship.
We once had a spark. I can't explain it. But we were so "on" with one another. We had the same thoughts, we could litterally finish eachothers' sentences. Now, it's like we're becoming strangers. We lost that "spark". I feel like he's falling out of love with me, and me with him.
And that depresses me to no end. I truly want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I think I have pushed him away and used with holding sex as some sort of punishment. Why do I subconciously feel like I need to punish him? I have no idea, but I need to figure it out.
Because I will not let the fact that we have a child change our sex lives. Even if it means me not enjoying it for a while...I need to try at least. I cannot lose that man because of a low sex drive. I got to make it work somehow. Greg is worth at least a good honest college try.
Let's just hope I can somehow make this work.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Wedding, Diets, Layoff and Baby
A lot has changed since my last post. Greg has been layed off. While his "boss" keeps saying there's work and she's trying to bring him back, it's been 2 and a half weeks without him working. While it's nice to have him home, I am ready for him to work again. He is getting on my last nerve...and I think I'm starting to annoy him as well. I keep hoping that every time his phone rings he's getting called back. Oh well, I think it's time for him to start looking for more work. *Sigh* This is not the time for this to be happening.
We are starting to get things in order for our wedding. I have bought my dress (as well as my MOH) and the hall deposit is down. Next the invites need to be done and we need someone to marry us. The list keeps growing, and so is my guest list. Seriously, when did it become "okay" to invite yourself to a wedding? The last I heard, you don't do that. If I haven't personally mentioned the wedding to you...consider yourself NOT on the list.
I got a firm budget on this party...and I don't want certain people there. Not because I don't like them...oh wait. It is.
Going along with the whole "I really shouldn't look like a stuffed sausage for my wedding thing" I visited a nutritionist yesterday. I need to lose some weight...like now. I am truly disgusting.
Now...let's get to the baby. :) He is my favorite subject, after all. Jaden will be 6 months next week. He's teething, rolling, trying to crawl, babbling and laughing all the time. He's doing pretty well if you ask me. He didn't start solids yet...but he's ready. I just want to talk to his doctor before we start. With that being said: I don't need every Tom, Dick and Harry to tell me what I should be doing for my son. I know that "a lil whisky on the gums never hurt anyone" but I don't want to do that to my son. It increases the chances of RSV. And I know that when I "was a kid, *I* was already eating mashed potatoes and blah blah blah" but the pediatrician said not to give him solids until he's at least 6 months. He's not starving. He'll be ok.
Jaden is my kid. I know what I'm doing. I'm not as dumb as I might look.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
We are starting to get things in order for our wedding. I have bought my dress (as well as my MOH) and the hall deposit is down. Next the invites need to be done and we need someone to marry us. The list keeps growing, and so is my guest list. Seriously, when did it become "okay" to invite yourself to a wedding? The last I heard, you don't do that. If I haven't personally mentioned the wedding to you...consider yourself NOT on the list.
I got a firm budget on this party...and I don't want certain people there. Not because I don't like them...oh wait. It is.
Going along with the whole "I really shouldn't look like a stuffed sausage for my wedding thing" I visited a nutritionist yesterday. I need to lose some weight...like now. I am truly disgusting.
Now...let's get to the baby. :) He is my favorite subject, after all. Jaden will be 6 months next week. He's teething, rolling, trying to crawl, babbling and laughing all the time. He's doing pretty well if you ask me. He didn't start solids yet...but he's ready. I just want to talk to his doctor before we start. With that being said: I don't need every Tom, Dick and Harry to tell me what I should be doing for my son. I know that "a lil whisky on the gums never hurt anyone" but I don't want to do that to my son. It increases the chances of RSV. And I know that when I "was a kid, *I* was already eating mashed potatoes and blah blah blah" but the pediatrician said not to give him solids until he's at least 6 months. He's not starving. He'll be ok.
Jaden is my kid. I know what I'm doing. I'm not as dumb as I might look.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
I think we found a venue!!
Pictures aren't the greatest quality...but here's the Holiday Inn in York Pa...the Red Rose room (I believe that's what it's called)
Now, I need to go :( Because Greg just taught Jaden that he has a little something between his legs...geez.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Now, I need to go :( Because Greg just taught Jaden that he has a little something between his legs...geez.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Wedding Details. *pic and link heavy*
With Greg's income tax check in the mail, I have hardcore started to plan for the wedding. Unfortunately for me, Greg wants to have an opinion on the wedding. Like, every detail. Within the past two weeks he has informed me that he wants to have the wedding in a church, purchase a keg AND have a flower girl. While I'm not opposed to having a flower girl (although that would mean I would have to add my sister as a bridesmaid) the other two things I'm trying to fight. I never wanted a church in a wedding...unless it was my childhood church.
This isn't the best picture...but it was the only one I could find. Come to think of it, it doesn't completely look like that...but it's pretty close (lol?) Seriously...this church is BEAUTIFUL. Gorgeous stained glass windows...huge upper balcony...spacious alter area...pipe organs...long classic pews. *sigh* I love that church. As a little girl, I always said I want to be married there. However, since I am no longer a member there (my grandparents are though) and I am "living in sin" with Greg AND it's over an hour away...the church is out. *pouts*
I still have my heart set on having it at the West York Fire Hall...but my calls have gone unanswered so far. I am currently looking into other locations.
While I might not have the location down pat just yet...there are a few things I believe I want: Dress:
Invites:
Favors:
Flowers:
While I say I "know" what I want...I'm still totally clueless to what I want. The colors are going to match the invites. The favors I'm still unsure about. The dress, while I LOVE it...I'm iffy on buying a dress online without being able to try it on...and it's not a corset back, which would make it "perfect" and I would buy it....NOW.
I'm still up in the air if I want Jewl to be a bridesmaid. I don't think she would make a big fuss...but then again, it's my family. If it's not their way, it's no one's way.
Greg still wants to wear a tux. While I'm starting to warm up to the idea, I'm still wondering if he'll look too formal. I guess I need to figure out what he's wearing before I get a dress.
One thing is for certain...I am going to have the CUTEST ring bearer ever. Can you say "lady killer"???
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
I still have my heart set on having it at the West York Fire Hall...but my calls have gone unanswered so far. I am currently looking into other locations.
Invites:
Favors:
Flowers:
While I say I "know" what I want...I'm still totally clueless to what I want. The colors are going to match the invites. The favors I'm still unsure about. The dress, while I LOVE it...I'm iffy on buying a dress online without being able to try it on...and it's not a corset back, which would make it "perfect" and I would buy it....NOW.
I'm still up in the air if I want Jewl to be a bridesmaid. I don't think she would make a big fuss...but then again, it's my family. If it's not their way, it's no one's way.
Greg still wants to wear a tux. While I'm starting to warm up to the idea, I'm still wondering if he'll look too formal. I guess I need to figure out what he's wearing before I get a dress.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Monday, February 7, 2011
Ummmm What?
On Saturday, Shawn (Greg's brother) was surprised by a surprise birthday party thrown by his girlfriend. A little into the party, Jaden started to get fussy. He was obviously hungry. And, me being his Mommy and the "only" one to feed him... I announced my intentions. Did I have to tell people that I was planning on breastfeeding my child? No. But I did out of respect if anyone had any problems with it. No one objected so I assumed it was fine.
HA. Ha. Ohhh the joke was on me I guess.
Greg's boss' (Chris) boyfriend (Gene) didn't hear me ask if anyone had an issue with me feeding Jaden. Little man was nearly done when his man turned around and saw what I was doing. The conversation proceed as such:
Gene: Awww HELL What kind of party is this?
Chris: She said she was going to feed him.
Gene: Rachel. SHAWN!?!? RACHELLLLLLLL!!!!! Get in here.
Me: Jaden, we told them, didn't we? We don't care. Little man is hungrrry. *Saying to my son, who at this point is the only thing that matters*
Gene: Naw, that ain't right. That's just SICK.
Rachel: What's wrong, Gene?
Gene: What kind of party is this?!?! People whipping out titties. Little babies all around. What kind of sick shit is this?
Rachel: She said she was going to do it. It's not my fault you can't hear.
Me: He's just jealous he can't get some. Would you like some milkies, Gene? *Gene storms out, Chris chasing after him* I guess he's not hungry.
Seriously? You are going to throw a fit over a child eating??? This is the kind of ignorance that I cannot stand. I can understand that some people are uncomfortable with the idea of breastfeeding. (Since it is America and well, breasts can ONLY be for sexual arousal.) However, to try to point out that a woman is feeding her child? That makes no sense to me. If you don't like it, fine. I will cover up. But I will NOT move because you have an issue with it. I was in a private home where the owner knew I was breastfeeding. If YOU don't like it, YOU move. I am not going to be shamed by doing something so natural and special for me and my son.
I'm sorry, but I feel very strong about how I feed my son. I don't see a problem with something so organic. Mayed I should have been respectful and moved myself from the room. But I did tell everyone. And I don't regret having a satisfied baby at all.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
HA. Ha. Ohhh the joke was on me I guess.
Greg's boss' (Chris) boyfriend (Gene) didn't hear me ask if anyone had an issue with me feeding Jaden. Little man was nearly done when his man turned around and saw what I was doing. The conversation proceed as such:
Gene: Awww HELL What kind of party is this?
Chris: She said she was going to feed him.
Gene: Rachel. SHAWN!?!? RACHELLLLLLLL!!!!! Get in here.
Me: Jaden, we told them, didn't we? We don't care. Little man is hungrrry. *Saying to my son, who at this point is the only thing that matters*
Gene: Naw, that ain't right. That's just SICK.
Rachel: What's wrong, Gene?
Gene: What kind of party is this?!?! People whipping out titties. Little babies all around. What kind of sick shit is this?
Rachel: She said she was going to do it. It's not my fault you can't hear.
Me: He's just jealous he can't get some. Would you like some milkies, Gene? *Gene storms out, Chris chasing after him* I guess he's not hungry.
Seriously? You are going to throw a fit over a child eating??? This is the kind of ignorance that I cannot stand. I can understand that some people are uncomfortable with the idea of breastfeeding. (Since it is America and well, breasts can ONLY be for sexual arousal.) However, to try to point out that a woman is feeding her child? That makes no sense to me. If you don't like it, fine. I will cover up. But I will NOT move because you have an issue with it. I was in a private home where the owner knew I was breastfeeding. If YOU don't like it, YOU move. I am not going to be shamed by doing something so natural and special for me and my son.
I'm sorry, but I feel very strong about how I feed my son. I don't see a problem with something so organic. Mayed I should have been respectful and moved myself from the room. But I did tell everyone. And I don't regret having a satisfied baby at all.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Weight Loss
A week after I started Zoloft again, I went to the doctor's office for my cold that still hasn't gone away. I was happy to see I lost 8 pounds in a week. Since then, I've been trying really hard to lose weight. I've been eating less, or at least watching what I eat. It's not always easy, since nursing Jaden makes me hungry all the time. I thought I was doing pretty good, that is, until yesterday.
I need new clothes. Currently, I am 2 sizes bigger than I was before I got pregnant. My belly is huge. I hate it. I went shopping yesterday for some nursing shirts and jeans. Almost $90 later, I had 2 shirts and a pair of jeans. While I look okay, I am nowhere NEAR happy with how I look. Not to mention, I want to be at least 40 pounds lighter for my wedding. (Which is becoming a nightmare to plan since I told my mother. I should have just waited until the day before.)
Hopefully when springtime comes, I'll be able to take Jaden out more. This way we both can get some fresh air. Speaking of Jaden, here's my little ham:
Even with his teethers bothering him, he still smiles.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
I need new clothes. Currently, I am 2 sizes bigger than I was before I got pregnant. My belly is huge. I hate it. I went shopping yesterday for some nursing shirts and jeans. Almost $90 later, I had 2 shirts and a pair of jeans. While I look okay, I am nowhere NEAR happy with how I look. Not to mention, I want to be at least 40 pounds lighter for my wedding. (Which is becoming a nightmare to plan since I told my mother. I should have just waited until the day before.)
Hopefully when springtime comes, I'll be able to take Jaden out more. This way we both can get some fresh air. Speaking of Jaden, here's my little ham:
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Saturday, January 29, 2011
*SMH* Saturday: It just isn't fair.
Normally, I don't care what other people do. Ir really isn't any of my business. However, if you parade around information that is private...I'm going to have an opinion on it.
Yesterday at my Doctor's office I saw a girl (we will call her L...and yes...she's a GIRL in my opinion) I used to work with at Family Dollar. She told me that she was expecting...again. She is 21 years old and this is her 6th...yes...SIXTH pregnancy. However, she has no children.
How can this be? Well, from the time she was 14 she had 5 abortions.
While I believe it is a woman's choice if she wants to have an abortion or not, I don't think it should be used as a method of birth control. L told me that the only reason why she's keeping this one is "because I can get more assistance (meaning welfare) if I pop out a few babies." Whooooaaaaa, what? *shakes my head* That just blows my mind.
Here she is, 21, single, obviously VERY fertile, using abortions instead of condoms, planning on abusing welfare and she thinks that's okay.
Like I said, normally I don't give two cents about what other people do. But, it's not fair.
I have a friend (again, we will call her T). She recently was blessed with the arrival of her twins. Only problem is, T lost one at birth and the other twin died 48 hours later due to complications. T's loss is devastating. And to make matters worse, T had to have a hysterectomy because of the delivery. *I am hazy on why though. She told me it was because there was tons of scan tissue due to endometrosis* She will never be pregnant again and L doesn't seem to want her kids.
Another friend of mine (we will name her E) wants a child. She has muscular dystrophy. While it's not impossible for her to bear children, she is being cautious. E wishes not to have the disease spread to her children. E has a lot of obstacles to overcome before she is able to get pregnant...but she is making great strides in order to have the family she wants and deserves.
I have high respect for these two women. They have difficult decisions that need to be made. I don't think I could go through what they have to go through. They are strong. And I think L should be ashamed of herself. While she isn't doing anything wrong, I don't think she's doing anything right. To have kids just to get public assistance is dishonorable. And to not use birth control and instead have a viable pregnancy terminated, I think is wrong.
Yes, I might come off as pro-life. But I assure you all, I'm not. I think abortion is fine...but I don't believe in having multiple abortions. It's not fair that some women can just have an abortion and not realize that they have more options than just to "get rid of it."
It's just not fair.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Yesterday at my Doctor's office I saw a girl (we will call her L...and yes...she's a GIRL in my opinion) I used to work with at Family Dollar. She told me that she was expecting...again. She is 21 years old and this is her 6th...yes...SIXTH pregnancy. However, she has no children.
How can this be? Well, from the time she was 14 she had 5 abortions.
While I believe it is a woman's choice if she wants to have an abortion or not, I don't think it should be used as a method of birth control. L told me that the only reason why she's keeping this one is "because I can get more assistance (meaning welfare) if I pop out a few babies." Whooooaaaaa, what? *shakes my head* That just blows my mind.
Here she is, 21, single, obviously VERY fertile, using abortions instead of condoms, planning on abusing welfare and she thinks that's okay.
Like I said, normally I don't give two cents about what other people do. But, it's not fair.
I have a friend (again, we will call her T). She recently was blessed with the arrival of her twins. Only problem is, T lost one at birth and the other twin died 48 hours later due to complications. T's loss is devastating. And to make matters worse, T had to have a hysterectomy because of the delivery. *I am hazy on why though. She told me it was because there was tons of scan tissue due to endometrosis* She will never be pregnant again and L doesn't seem to want her kids.
Another friend of mine (we will name her E) wants a child. She has muscular dystrophy. While it's not impossible for her to bear children, she is being cautious. E wishes not to have the disease spread to her children. E has a lot of obstacles to overcome before she is able to get pregnant...but she is making great strides in order to have the family she wants and deserves.
I have high respect for these two women. They have difficult decisions that need to be made. I don't think I could go through what they have to go through. They are strong. And I think L should be ashamed of herself. While she isn't doing anything wrong, I don't think she's doing anything right. To have kids just to get public assistance is dishonorable. And to not use birth control and instead have a viable pregnancy terminated, I think is wrong.
Yes, I might come off as pro-life. But I assure you all, I'm not. I think abortion is fine...but I don't believe in having multiple abortions. It's not fair that some women can just have an abortion and not realize that they have more options than just to "get rid of it."
It's just not fair.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Friday, January 21, 2011
Definate Woe Is Me Post
For three long months I took Zoloft to help with my PPD. Everyday it hurt me to take it. But, I thought I would get over my PPD faster. I felt better. I didn't want to be on it anymore. I was SO wrong to do that. With my DR's permission, I stopped.
We were so wrong.
I should have never done that. Now I'm even more depressed than before. I can't stand up and rock and dance with my Son. I can't sleep. I can't feel my hands. I physically cannot smile or laugh or say a few words because the muscles in my jaw/neck are so tight, it's hurts. Standing has become a major feat. Changing diapers is almost impossible. Forget about the snaps on a onesie. My eyes are doing better though except for the fact they keep watering and I look more tired than what I really am. Another positive is my feet aren't numb anymore.
I am so distraught over this. I can't believe this is happening. I know it'll probably get better, but at this very moment I am so afraid that I am going to stay like this forever. That somehow, this isn't reversible. And those thoughts aren't helping. I need to stay positive and relaxed if I want my anxiety to go away. Maybe if I stay relaxed enough the drugs will help more.
I don't want to feel like a prisoner in my body anymore. I feel so helpless. And again, all this is doing is making me more depressed. The only thing that get me through the day is this...
...this face and knowing I have the love of...
...this man.
I might be depressed but know who cares about me: a best friend who would listen to me sob on the phone when I get the news. A baby who laughs whenever I sing a certain song. A man who loves me even though I don't deserve his affection.
So why can't I be happy?
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
We were so wrong.
I should have never done that. Now I'm even more depressed than before. I can't stand up and rock and dance with my Son. I can't sleep. I can't feel my hands. I physically cannot smile or laugh or say a few words because the muscles in my jaw/neck are so tight, it's hurts. Standing has become a major feat. Changing diapers is almost impossible. Forget about the snaps on a onesie. My eyes are doing better though except for the fact they keep watering and I look more tired than what I really am. Another positive is my feet aren't numb anymore.
I am so distraught over this. I can't believe this is happening. I know it'll probably get better, but at this very moment I am so afraid that I am going to stay like this forever. That somehow, this isn't reversible. And those thoughts aren't helping. I need to stay positive and relaxed if I want my anxiety to go away. Maybe if I stay relaxed enough the drugs will help more.
I don't want to feel like a prisoner in my body anymore. I feel so helpless. And again, all this is doing is making me more depressed. The only thing that get me through the day is this...
...this face and knowing I have the love of...
I might be depressed but know who cares about me: a best friend who would listen to me sob on the phone when I get the news. A baby who laughs whenever I sing a certain song. A man who loves me even though I don't deserve his affection.
So why can't I be happy?
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Eleven Days
January 10th:
I woke up with some "sleepy" fingers on my left hand. Okay. I probably slept on them wrong.
January 11th:
Hmm...my fingers are even more numb. And now my right hand the same thing is happening. I'm going to call the DR and make an appointment.
January 12th:
They are even worse today, but still manageable. And now I have a rash? Weird.
January 13th:
Constant headache and back ache. Oh well...I sleep weird.
January 14th:
Migraine. Full on Migraine. And on the day of Greg's Grandma's funeral. Fingers are really numb. It's ok...I got an appointment on Tuesday to get checked out. Only 4 more days to go! I can do this!
January 15th:
Zero sleep. So much pain. Boo is so heavy. My back is weak
January 16th:
ER visit. DR was not concerned over my numb fingers. I am diagnosed with an upper respiratory infection and swollen lymph nodes at the base of my skull. So much pain.
January 17th:
Oh God. I can't even pick up Boo! :(
January 18th:
Had my DR visit. I was surprised to find out that although I am getting blood work done and a CT scan...most likely my "illness" was from something I did 11 days ago...
January 7th:
I took my last Zoloft pill.
Wow. Just when I though I didn't need them...my body clearly thinks otherwise.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
I woke up with some "sleepy" fingers on my left hand. Okay. I probably slept on them wrong.
January 11th:
Hmm...my fingers are even more numb. And now my right hand the same thing is happening. I'm going to call the DR and make an appointment.
January 12th:
They are even worse today, but still manageable. And now I have a rash? Weird.
January 13th:
Constant headache and back ache. Oh well...I sleep weird.
January 14th:
Migraine. Full on Migraine. And on the day of Greg's Grandma's funeral. Fingers are really numb. It's ok...I got an appointment on Tuesday to get checked out. Only 4 more days to go! I can do this!
January 15th:
Zero sleep. So much pain. Boo is so heavy. My back is weak
January 16th:
ER visit. DR was not concerned over my numb fingers. I am diagnosed with an upper respiratory infection and swollen lymph nodes at the base of my skull. So much pain.
January 17th:
Oh God. I can't even pick up Boo! :(
January 18th:
Had my DR visit. I was surprised to find out that although I am getting blood work done and a CT scan...most likely my "illness" was from something I did 11 days ago...
January 7th:
I took my last Zoloft pill.
Wow. Just when I though I didn't need them...my body clearly thinks otherwise.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Scared
In the past 2 years, I've been in the hospital a lot. Tomorrow, I am planning another visit to the ER. Why? I can't feel my fingers, I have blinding migranes and I have so much neck/back pain I can barely hold Jaden. While before I wouldn't hesitate to go, now I'm so fucking scared to. I'm not afraid of what they'd find...I'm afraid they will try to admit me. As much as I hate to say it, I'll go AMA if they try to make me stay.
This fucking sucks. I can't even feel my son holding my hand. And every time I try to pick him up, I cry out in pain. When I go to hold him my back screams in pain. UGH.
I just hope it's nothing serious.
This fucking sucks. I can't even feel my son holding my hand. And every time I try to pick him up, I cry out in pain. When I go to hold him my back screams in pain. UGH.
I just hope it's nothing serious.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Check ups, Snow and Major Man Rant
Well. Jaden had his 4 month baby well check today. He is 17 pounds on the dot! *it kept bouncing from 16lbs 15oz and 17lbs.* NOOOO formula! He is still growing, 26 and 1/4 inches. He is in the 90th percentile for height and weight. 75 percentile for head size. Everything looked and sounded good except for one thing. He has eczema. Poor little bugger. Jaden's teeth are coming in. And we need to try to get him to poop more than once every 5 days.
'Cause even though he's passing gas and when he does go it's a lot. He's constipated. He doesn't have to strain to go or anything...but he's constipated. Sure, Doc. You've seen my son poop SO MANY TIMES that you can tell me he's having a hard time going. 'Kay. I'll remember that.
Onto the snow!
Snow blows. I've always hated the wet, cold white stuff. I rather see a thunderstorm. Just take the snow. And take the crazy drivers who think they can pass a snow plow. The things I see from my window.
I really need to live in a warmer climate, like...Texas. Oh... wait.
Now. Pet peeve of the day!
I love Greg. And I love my little Jaden. However. I would also like some time alone. Away from my men. Away from the crying and the begging (from the big one). Away from the diaper changes. Away from me telling Greg what Jaden wants or me stepping in to save one or the other one. Since Jaden has been born, I have spent 4 hours away from him. And that was in the hospital. Since then, he's been my shadow.
Yes, I know. I breastfeed. And he doesn't take bottles so I have to be *relatively* close to him at times. But Lord. I want to be able to go to my OB GYN without an audience. But noooooo. Jaden has to come with me. And Greg too. Why? Because if they don't go...I might leave! Are you shitting me? What am I going to do...run off with the doctor? Ummmm HELLO. I think I can go to an appointment alone. Someone needs a lesson in trust.
I'm not wearing this ring around my finger because it's pretty. (Although..it is GORGEOUS.) I'm wearing it because I want to spend the rest of my life with that dumb dumb.
:D
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
'Cause even though he's passing gas and when he does go it's a lot. He's constipated. He doesn't have to strain to go or anything...but he's constipated. Sure, Doc. You've seen my son poop SO MANY TIMES that you can tell me he's having a hard time going. 'Kay. I'll remember that.
Onto the snow!
Snow blows. I've always hated the wet, cold white stuff. I rather see a thunderstorm. Just take the snow. And take the crazy drivers who think they can pass a snow plow. The things I see from my window.
I really need to live in a warmer climate, like...Texas. Oh... wait.
Now. Pet peeve of the day!
I love Greg. And I love my little Jaden. However. I would also like some time alone. Away from my men. Away from the crying and the begging (from the big one). Away from the diaper changes. Away from me telling Greg what Jaden wants or me stepping in to save one or the other one. Since Jaden has been born, I have spent 4 hours away from him. And that was in the hospital. Since then, he's been my shadow.
Yes, I know. I breastfeed. And he doesn't take bottles so I have to be *relatively* close to him at times. But Lord. I want to be able to go to my OB GYN without an audience. But noooooo. Jaden has to come with me. And Greg too. Why? Because if they don't go...I might leave! Are you shitting me? What am I going to do...run off with the doctor? Ummmm HELLO. I think I can go to an appointment alone. Someone needs a lesson in trust.
I'm not wearing this ring around my finger because it's pretty. (Although..it is GORGEOUS.) I'm wearing it because I want to spend the rest of my life with that dumb dumb.
:D
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Monday, January 10, 2011
My time is flying by.
Well, yesterday Jaden turned 4 months old. I still cannot believe how fast time is going. Seems like just yesterday I was waiting for my due date, only to have him be late for his own birthday. He's feisty. And right now, he's testing my patience. He wants to do too much for his little body. I can tell, I got one independent kid on my hands. Which is good...as long as he still wants to cuddle with his momma.
Tomorrow he goes for his 4 month baby well check. The doctor's want him to be at least 17 pounds because of all the digestive issues he's been having. If not, they said I might need to supplement with formula. *rolls eyes* He's still in the 90th percentile for his age...why would he need artificial, less caloric yucky stuff?
Exactly. Momma did her research.
And we're not going to start on baby food just yet. APA says 6 months. Two more months to go, unless if he's showing some SERIOUS signs to start solids.
I still can't believe how big he is. Today he pushed his belly off the bed. (^.^). Next stop...crawling. Ohhhhh nooooooo can he be little for just a bit longer?
PICTURESSSSSS :D
He's getting so big!
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Tomorrow he goes for his 4 month baby well check. The doctor's want him to be at least 17 pounds because of all the digestive issues he's been having. If not, they said I might need to supplement with formula. *rolls eyes* He's still in the 90th percentile for his age...why would he need artificial, less caloric yucky stuff?
Exactly. Momma did her research.
And we're not going to start on baby food just yet. APA says 6 months. Two more months to go, unless if he's showing some SERIOUS signs to start solids.
I still can't believe how big he is. Today he pushed his belly off the bed. (^.^). Next stop...crawling. Ohhhhh nooooooo can he be little for just a bit longer?
PICTURESSSSSS :D
He's getting so big!
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Friday, January 7, 2011
Heaven recieved another angel today.
Greg's Grandma passed away this morning after being taken off of life support last night. Yes, it took a while and she fought right up to the end, but there was just no way of saving her. She was bed ridden for years and now she can finally dance and walk again in heaven. Strange thing: I think she came and "visited" us last night before her body slipped away. For those who don't believe in spirits, that's fine. But I do. And I'm pretty sure I saw her kiss her Grandson and Great grandson goodbye last night. Although I was a little freaked out...I'm very calm over her passing.
I just find it strange, that with every death, sickness, joy that I have encountered has made me a little more of a believer in "God" again. I might not have a whole lot of traditional faith, but I'm starting to believe once again.
Grammy: I know you're watching over us. We love you. Just remember, when our time comes to have the lima beans ready and tell Grandpa that Greg wants some cake and homemade wine. ;)
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
I just find it strange, that with every death, sickness, joy that I have encountered has made me a little more of a believer in "God" again. I might not have a whole lot of traditional faith, but I'm starting to believe once again.
Grammy: I know you're watching over us. We love you. Just remember, when our time comes to have the lima beans ready and tell Grandpa that Greg wants some cake and homemade wine. ;)
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Death and Weddings...the race is on!
First, I want to say my proud Momma moments that I have not told you all. Jaden is officially rolling! While he has been able to "flop" from belly to back for a while now (The first time he did it solo he was 5 weeks old) he is now rolling from his back to belly! OhMyGoodness! My little JadenMonster is growing up too fast. Now that he has figured out how to actually roll, he's doing it from belly to back. Not only that, but he tries to sit up...without help. He gets mad because he gets his head about 4 inches off the ground and then he just rolls. Then he screams...because what can you do with half your body turned one way and the other half turned the other?
Too. Damn. Grown.
Not only that...he now likes to "yell" at you, or his toys, or his hands, or his cuddle...He just likes to yell. And he has this look of utter concentration on his face. Sort of: "I'm going to get you. I can't tell you what I'm going to do, or how I'm going to do it. But it will happen and you will suffer."
Only my child, let me tell ya.
Now that's out of the way:
Greg's Grandma is still on life support. Which breaks a lot of hearts. Most of her grandchildren said their goodbyes before the feeding tube was inserted because no one wanted to see her like that. On the day before Christmas Eve she involuntarily opened her eyes. Well...some family members took that there was still a shred of life still within her. The brain scan confirmed that there is no change. She is 90% brain dead. The only thing is "living" is her heart...and they don't know if that's just from the medicine they are pumping through her veins or if it's really her.
Supposedly though, later on this week the children are going to pull the plug. The reasons for keeping her "alive" this long are for selfish, disgusting, horrible reasons. I won't mention them, but it's pretty messed up. But what do I know...I'm just the soon to be added family member.
That's right: Greg and I are planning on finally getting married. I still haven't told my family. I'm waiting to tell them for two things: Income tax and our venue availability. I don't want hear anyone say "Ohhhh it should be up here" or "Why are you getting married in York?". I'm looking into a few different places but I'm probably going to have my wedding in York. Why? (I'll admit, it's pretty selfish) No one (besides my lovely Jenn and Ben) come down here to visit. Sure, my dad stopped down when Jaden was a week old to drop off some money. And yes, my Mom came to visit when I had my miscarriage. However...all the holidays and visits have been at "home". It's not fair to Greg and I to drive an hour or so to our own wedding. Nope, not going to happen. No one is paying for this "wedding" but him and I. And what we say goes.
And that's for all aspects of the wedding. While I will accept opinions and "this is how you do it" from educated people (read: Jenn), I won't be walked all over from uneducated people (read: my mother). She tried to take control over Boo's delivery. She's not going to control my wedding. Hell, she's one of the reasons why we didn't just go to the JP and elope. ("I've waited 24 years to see you get married, I'll be hurt if I don't get to see your wedding." *blows raspberry*)
My wedding. My rules. My ideas.
Yes, I am a bridezilla. I've made peace with it. But the reasons for my controlling persona is for noble reasons. I'm tired of being told what to do and how to do it. I'm a grown woman and mother. I take care of at least 3 people on a daily baisis. And I look good while doing it. *smug face*
Jaden is stirring. My eyelids are falling. So that means...
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Too. Damn. Grown.
Not only that...he now likes to "yell" at you, or his toys, or his hands, or his cuddle...He just likes to yell. And he has this look of utter concentration on his face. Sort of: "I'm going to get you. I can't tell you what I'm going to do, or how I'm going to do it. But it will happen and you will suffer."
Only my child, let me tell ya.
Now that's out of the way:
Greg's Grandma is still on life support. Which breaks a lot of hearts. Most of her grandchildren said their goodbyes before the feeding tube was inserted because no one wanted to see her like that. On the day before Christmas Eve she involuntarily opened her eyes. Well...some family members took that there was still a shred of life still within her. The brain scan confirmed that there is no change. She is 90% brain dead. The only thing is "living" is her heart...and they don't know if that's just from the medicine they are pumping through her veins or if it's really her.
Supposedly though, later on this week the children are going to pull the plug. The reasons for keeping her "alive" this long are for selfish, disgusting, horrible reasons. I won't mention them, but it's pretty messed up. But what do I know...I'm just the soon to be added family member.
That's right: Greg and I are planning on finally getting married. I still haven't told my family. I'm waiting to tell them for two things: Income tax and our venue availability. I don't want hear anyone say "Ohhhh it should be up here" or "Why are you getting married in York?". I'm looking into a few different places but I'm probably going to have my wedding in York. Why? (I'll admit, it's pretty selfish) No one (besides my lovely Jenn and Ben) come down here to visit. Sure, my dad stopped down when Jaden was a week old to drop off some money. And yes, my Mom came to visit when I had my miscarriage. However...all the holidays and visits have been at "home". It's not fair to Greg and I to drive an hour or so to our own wedding. Nope, not going to happen. No one is paying for this "wedding" but him and I. And what we say goes.
And that's for all aspects of the wedding. While I will accept opinions and "this is how you do it" from educated people (read: Jenn), I won't be walked all over from uneducated people (read: my mother). She tried to take control over Boo's delivery. She's not going to control my wedding. Hell, she's one of the reasons why we didn't just go to the JP and elope. ("I've waited 24 years to see you get married, I'll be hurt if I don't get to see your wedding." *blows raspberry*)
My wedding. My rules. My ideas.
Yes, I am a bridezilla. I've made peace with it. But the reasons for my controlling persona is for noble reasons. I'm tired of being told what to do and how to do it. I'm a grown woman and mother. I take care of at least 3 people on a daily baisis. And I look good while doing it. *smug face*
Jaden is stirring. My eyelids are falling. So that means...
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
A brief update before a long post.
These past few weeks have been very hard. Let's see...in the process of trying to make the decision to let Greg's Granny go, one of her daughter's passed away due to a blood clot to the lungs. While Greg's Granny is still on life support (which, if you ask me is very inhumane) I'm glad that she isn't "here" to see another one of her daughters slip away.
Christmas was pretty good. Jaden and Greg made out like bandits, just like I predicted. I'll have to post pictures, but not right now.
Greg and I are going to start our wedding plans! *shhhh...my mom doesn't know yet. Nor anyone except Jenn.*
But, I might kill him first. That's always a possibility.
Jaden has been sick...along with Greg and I. While I've been the slowest to get over the bug, Jaden needed an x-ray and Greg acted as if he was dying. So while I was cleaning up my (how do I say this nicely?) sick...I had to tend to my soon to be 4 month old and my 29 year old babies.
Someone I went to school with recently asked me about breastfeeding. :D I'm pretty stoked that she saw from facebook that I at least have a little idea what I'm doing.
I suppose that's the short of it for now. I'll post more later when I'm not so tired and such. :)
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Christmas was pretty good. Jaden and Greg made out like bandits, just like I predicted. I'll have to post pictures, but not right now.
Greg and I are going to start our wedding plans! *shhhh...my mom doesn't know yet. Nor anyone except Jenn.*
But, I might kill him first. That's always a possibility.
Jaden has been sick...along with Greg and I. While I've been the slowest to get over the bug, Jaden needed an x-ray and Greg acted as if he was dying. So while I was cleaning up my (how do I say this nicely?) sick...I had to tend to my soon to be 4 month old and my 29 year old babies.
Someone I went to school with recently asked me about breastfeeding. :D I'm pretty stoked that she saw from facebook that I at least have a little idea what I'm doing.
I suppose that's the short of it for now. I'll post more later when I'm not so tired and such. :)
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
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