Things have just been really busy/stressful since Jaden's arrival. I'm getting used to having a little one around, but it is a big adjustment. Everyday I swear he gets bigger. And everyday I swear I get a little more tired.
Things have been...hard...lately. I find myself being angry at Greg a lot. There's no reason for my anger but I can't help it. I know he has to work, but he doesn't realize that my job doesn't have an 8 hour day. Even when I think I'm done, I keep going. Maybe I resent him for being able to sleep while I have to watch Jaden's chest go up and down. Maybe I worry that somehow I don't measure up.
Maybe I need to talk to my OB on Monday about possible PPD.
...Maybe what I thought I could avoid, is unavoidable.
Although I am 2 weeks out from having him, I'm still having a rough recovery. When they removed my staples my incision opened up. I now have to go back twice a week to make sure it doesn't get infected. Everyday I have to deal with the nerve pain that's associated with a c-section. And although it's not as bad as it once was, it still hurts. And the weird "fluid pouch" that happened following my surgery is still there and showing no signs of going away.
I don't want to say that my birthing experience wasn't pleasant, but the recovery is hell.
*Speaking of me being angry...I just had to yell at Greg because apparently, I can't have 10 minutes to update my blog. No, I have to talk to him constantly...plus ward off his advances...soothe our son (since he's a "momma's boy")...and make about a million decisions about our life.*
Jaden is doing extremely well. He's breastfeeding and is a pro at it. We had some ups and downs but he knows what he's doing. He eats alot though. I swear he's about 12 lbs so far, and can no longer fit into a size 0-3month pant. His little legs are so long! He's a pretty happy kid. He doesn't really fuss or anything. And he sleeps pretty good too. If only he would sleep in his crib though...that would be awesome.
Here's some pictures:
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Apparently, I still have a sunny disposition despite my belly is as big as Jupiter. Who knew? Certainly I had no idea that I was actually one of those "happy" pregnant women who just so happen to go over her due date.
I think the nurse was just being too nice.
That's right. Last night we went for our first NST. It went really well. If the baby cooperates it can take as little as 20 minutes, but if he's being a bugger it can take up to an hour. Boo actually cooperated and did the test real fast. He didn't like being monitored. I was actually sore from all of his movements at once. I have one crazy little "alien". (Hehe, Jenn.)
It was actually kind of relaxing. For the first time in a real long time me and Greg just sat there, talked and listened to his heartbeat. (Which either sounds like an unbalanced load in a washing machine or an old man having sex, go figure.) There was no TV. There was no heavy discussion. Just talk about how we are going to have a little baby in our arms soon. And how we're going to be parents. It kind of woke us up a little. It's becoming more and more of a reality lately, even though I've had about 9 months to mentally prepare. It's finally sinking in.
We have a plan for when the time comes. And a little for after. In my mind, we are still not completely ready. But I'm sure a lot of new parents feel like that when they get so close to having their child. I've been trying to relax, but when things have been so stressful it's really hard to. The only thing that seems to relax me is knowing that I'm going to be holding my baby within 6 days. Just the mere mention of that puts a smile on my face.
Yes, there is a lot of things that need done before Boo comes. The van must be fixed. (Long story short: van needed a water pump for like a YEAR now and Greg finally put one on. Worked great! Battery went all wonky. Thought it was a minor fix. Worked only when jumped. Then didn't work at all. Bolt was broken when water pump was fixed. Need to get that taken out *could cost $75!*. But it is now working and somehow we need to get money to get that broken bolt out. Right now it's working, but it's just a temporary thing.) The car seat must be installed. From what I can see we can't use the seat belts that we have for our child restraint. Greg still believes that it can be done. But I'm going to leave my faith in him, and we're going to go to a fire department or police station so someone can install it for us. I personally don't think it's going to work...but like I said...I can't stress over it. It'll get installed. And if not? We will have to use FIL's jeep.
What has really been bugging me, is although both Greg and I are stressed out, I need sex. I don't want it. I don't crave it. I n-e-e-d it. Well, the past two nights Greg has turned me down. I could understand Monday night, because of the whole membrane thing and our shitty day. I will admit, I was hurt but oh well. I got over it. But last night when he turned me down again, I couldn't help to think it's because he's not attracted to me anymore. I mean, seriously...I'm HUGE and I know I'm not sexy. And let's be honest, it's no longer fun. Although I did get my wish in the middle of the night, I still have a nagging little feeling that he is somehow pulling away.
Before I never had to beg for it. Now I have to beg, plead and sign my life away for him to look my way. Maybe it's my hormones. Maybe it's because he's freaked out that he'll hurt Boo. I'm not sure, but I hope it goes away. It's killing what little self confidence I have.
**Side Note**: The sex might have generated some contractions and me losing more of my plug. Sooo who's the crazy one now?
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
Well, my appointment went just how I thought it would. I gained an additional 3 pounds. My blood pressure was not good but not bad. And all the nurses said they didn't think they would see me. Apparently I'm the most pregnant woman they have seen in a while. Gee, Thanks.
They found Boo's heartbeat pretty fast this time. (YAY fresh batteries!) The doctor came in and talked about all the normal things. Things haven't changed. Like at all, since I was 28 weeks. So the questions they ask are always the same answers. The student doctor left and told me he was getting a resident to come in so we could do a vaginal exam and from there talk about induction. Alright, I can deal with that. Now, any woman who is okay with a vaginal exam, has something wrong with their head. And let me tell you, it's even more uncomfortable when you're pregnant. And then to have a doctor, student doctor, fiancee and nurse watching isn't exactly fun. No wonder why women are tense.
The doctor confirmed my worries. My cervix is still hard and thick. The only change was the cervix was starting to funnel. (The outside was starting to open...only a fingertip...but the inside was still closed...which is normal.) What he did next though, shot me through the roof. He stripped my membranes. (It might help stimulate labor...by pulling the membrane away from the uterus. Yea...a little painful) When he was done poking me from the inside he told me our game plan for the end.
In the next week we will have 3 NSTs. (Fetal Non-Stress Tests) Basically to make sure that he's moving enough and that he's not under any sort of stress. There's a concern for over due babies that they might pinch their umbilical cord and basically cut off his life supply. As long as things are looking good and I don't go into labor beforehand, I'll be having this baby September 7th. (They were all booked up for a "labor" day baby.) I was just told to sit back and relax. He's on his way.
There is an end to it all!
Now we have been having trouble with the van. And I'm praying that Greg will get it figured out tonight. If not, I'm going to be even more stressed. (Not to mention, my cool headed Greg is so stressed out and I don't know how to calm him down. That has NEVER happened before. I'm the stressbot.)
I'll post more tomorrow.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
As most of you might know, I tend to stress out a lot. I've been trying to calm my nerves for this pregnancy because I know that stress isn't good for me or Boo. Although I had my ups and downs...I was doing alright until about two and a half weeks ago. (A Wednesday) The power was shut off because of a hugely unpaid bill. Now, it wouldn't be so bad if someone didn't take it so lightly. Greg's dad thought it was kinda funny...and told us not to worry, that the power would be back on by that Monday. Greg was obviously upset and we took shelter in a motel nearby. Monday rolls around...no power...Wednesday rolls around...STILL no power. Greg's dad told us that he needed more money after we already gave him enough for a down payment on the bill. By this point, the baby fund is completely gone and Greg only has a few dollars.
It will take 15 days for the money to come in and the power to be turned on.
I. Am. Not. Impressed.
Greg and I have been looking for our own place for around seven months now. But it's been extremely hard. Neither Greg or I want to live in the city because of all of the bad things you hear about it. And honestly I don't want my child to go to an inner city school. However, we don't have the money to do so. We're stuck. And there doesn't seem like any way to change the situation for at least a year and a half.
Blehhhhh I friggen HATE being broke. (I know I'm not alone in this feeling.)
Anyway, with all of these money problems and not sure what's going on, I was stressed out. Unfortunately for me, apparently when you stress out you can make your limbs swell. And you can make them swell to gross proportions and make you stress out even MORE. When I went to my last appointment, although everything was normal (except for my giant butt) I was told that I need to moderate my stress because it's not good to have. Even if my blood pressure is normal I could still develop pre-e just because of my stress level.
'Cause I didn't have anything that could stress me out in the past five minutes...thanks Doc.
I go for my glucose test in two weeks and I'm nervous about it. Although I don't have diabetes, I have a lot of family members who do. And my mom had "sugar in the urine" when she had my sister. I'm worried that I have it because of all the weight I gained. I know I could eat a diabetic diet but I don't want any other problems. I know even if I failed the one hour test I'm going to have a big baby...and they might not let me have a vaginal birth. But only time will tell.
Not only am I worried about that test, I am worried about a possible problem. I was having some sharp pains at the side of my stomach. I brushed it off like it was nothing, but the doctor I had at the appointment told me that if it's not better by the next visit they are going to have to ultrasound my gull bladder. OY!
Well, now it's off to clean and get things packed up for my yard sale.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
