Insomniac Edition

**I am writing this on a little more than an hour of sleep so if some of my upcoming story doesn't make sense.  I will try to explain everything, but since I'm tired I might just edit this in the morning.**

I don't really know where to start because this story has multiple beginnings.  Throughout my entire pregnancy I realized just how much of a role reversal I've had with my mother.  Yes, she has been going through a lot of personal things (a divorce, finding her middle child's father, becoming a grandparent) but that doesn't give her the right to start acting like a child.  I applaud her in the ways that she is becoming more independent.  However, I disapprove in her behavior.  It's the same sort of behavior that she went through when she was going through the divorce with my dad:  jumping from man to man, not listening to other people and just be overall defensive.  She has yet to realize that I've seen this all before and this time I'm letting her know.

I'm not saying she's a bad person, or a bad mother.  She is far from that.  What she doesn't see is what she's actually doing.  She's pushing people (me included) away for reasons that are not entirely known to me.  All while thinking that things should be at an all time closeness.  I agree, every woman wants her mother to be around when she is expecting but there are limits.  In no way should the mother of the mother-to-be outrank the father-to-be.

I know that she is excited for her grandson.  But that doesn't excuse her behavior.  It doesn't exclude all of the things she has said about Greg.  It doesn't make light of what she think she's entitled to.  As of this moment Greg and I don't want her in the room when I deliver.  I have no idea how to tell her that because of her actions, she's going to miss out.  I'm sure that will go over so well.  Hell, if Greg had it his way she wouldn't even know when we have Boo until hours after; that she's been booted from top of the list all the way down to the bottom. 

While I feel that is harsh, I'm not sure I oppose anymore.  She crossed a line tonight when all I was doing was speaking my mind.  I realize that I can come across a little...rough around the edges...but at the same time I wasn't calling her names.  She's in a situation that sounds very high school to me, and I told her not to get involved.  Apparently she didn't like what I had to say.  I, of course, am "a bitch since *I've* been pregnant".  I told her "Okay, bye, love you".  That's when she hung up.  Twenty minutes later I get a text saying "I'm sorry."

Sorry just doesn't cut it anymore.  If she doesn't want my opinions, fine.  I don't want to be involved in her "drama" anyway.  The other person got exactly what they wanted...a rise out of her.  The only other time I've seen this happen is with little immature people.  I was just surprised to see my 45 year old mother actually getting involved. 

Maybe things will be better in the morning light.  Maybe when I'm not so tired I'll be able to think straight.  But the thing is, I cannot sleep because I know that things will never get better.  That ever since she "got her wings and is staying away from controlling men" that she has almost completely severed all ties of our relationship. 

I guess that's what happens when you get older.  You realize that your parents aren't perfect.  That the pedestal that you once placed them upon is severely tarnished and scuffed.  I just pray that somehow we make it through this hard time.  I doubt it though.

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee