With Greg not working he has been up my butt lounging around while I try to get everything done for the wedding, take care of baby and pretty much do everything else. He says he's "trying" but I know he's pretty depressed. I know it's hard, but I need him out of the house. I can only take so much of my fiancee before I want to punch him in the face. He's a lovable guy...but good grief.
We hit a snag with wedding plans. With Greg losing his job, we can no longer afford the Holiday Inn reception hall. With barely any income, all our extra pennies need to go to saving for the wedding. However, even if we didn't need gas for the jeep, or insurance, or needed to eat...we wouldn't have enough. Our cell phones would be cut off, Jaden wouldn't have diapers, and quite possibly we wouldn't even be able to afford soap. I'm not saying with are destitute, but life happened. Money is gone. We have to stay on top of everything.
I know we could just post pone the wedding. And I would be okay with that...except for the fact that I am ready to be married. Sounds cliche, but I am sick and tired of not being married to the father of my child. Yes, him and I have our problems, but we are doing great so far. He has done more for me without complaining than any other man. He is my rock. My love. The one I wanna be with.
Jaden has been so great. At his last appointment, he weighed in at 19 pounds 3 ounces, 27 3/4 inches long. Since then, we started him on solids. He loves peas and carrots, green beans are another story. He is starting to crawl, although he hasn't gotten it down quite yet. Actually, he sort of prefers to stand up and cruise. :( My little boy can't be this grown up!
Well, now it's off to try to motivate Greg into looking for wedding stuff or to go out with his nephew driving.
Until Next Time (I'll have more to update, promise!)
~MommyToBee
Since Jaden has been born, Greg and I have only had sex twice. And we have "attempted" 3 times. That means, less than once a month we "get it on". He tries to no avial to get me in the mood to have sex, but I always seem to turn him down. He is still very attractive in my eyes and I would like to be intimate, but I just can't for some reason.
And "for some reason" I mean these:
*I have let myself go. I am the fattest I have ever been. And I am disgusted at how gross I really am.
*I love to have my breasts played with. While they are not techicnally off limits, I feel weird about what I feed my child is also Daddy's play things.
*Jaden is still co-sleeping with us. I love having my little boy next to me, but that kind of limits how "sexy time" happens. It has to be planned out. And more than likely-it won't happen in the bed.
*Physcially, it's hard to have it right now. I don't want to go into too many details with that.
*And well...it hurts. Not where you might think, either. Whenever I get "turned on", my c-section scar itches and aches. I was told that it could happen. And that if it did become an issue, there is nothing that can be done for it. (Lucky me.)
For a little bit, Greg was understanding...well as understanding as a man could be. But now, it's really starting to effect or relationship.
We once had a spark. I can't explain it. But we were so "on" with one another. We had the same thoughts, we could litterally finish eachothers' sentences. Now, it's like we're becoming strangers. We lost that "spark". I feel like he's falling out of love with me, and me with him.
And that depresses me to no end. I truly want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I think I have pushed him away and used with holding sex as some sort of punishment. Why do I subconciously feel like I need to punish him? I have no idea, but I need to figure it out.
Because I will not let the fact that we have a child change our sex lives. Even if it means me not enjoying it for a while...I need to try at least. I cannot lose that man because of a low sex drive. I got to make it work somehow. Greg is worth at least a good honest college try.
Let's just hope I can somehow make this work.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
A lot has changed since my last post. Greg has been layed off. While his "boss" keeps saying there's work and she's trying to bring him back, it's been 2 and a half weeks without him working. While it's nice to have him home, I am ready for him to work again. He is getting on my last nerve...and I think I'm starting to annoy him as well. I keep hoping that every time his phone rings he's getting called back. Oh well, I think it's time for him to start looking for more work. *Sigh* This is not the time for this to be happening.
We are starting to get things in order for our wedding. I have bought my dress (as well as my MOH) and the hall deposit is down. Next the invites need to be done and we need someone to marry us. The list keeps growing, and so is my guest list. Seriously, when did it become "okay" to invite yourself to a wedding? The last I heard, you don't do that. If I haven't personally mentioned the wedding to you...consider yourself NOT on the list.
I got a firm budget on this party...and I don't want certain people there. Not because I don't like them...oh wait. It is.
Going along with the whole "I really shouldn't look like a stuffed sausage for my wedding thing" I visited a nutritionist yesterday. I need to lose some weight...like now. I am truly disgusting.
Now...let's get to the baby. :) He is my favorite subject, after all. Jaden will be 6 months next week. He's teething, rolling, trying to crawl, babbling and laughing all the time. He's doing pretty well if you ask me. He didn't start solids yet...but he's ready. I just want to talk to his doctor before we start. With that being said: I don't need every Tom, Dick and Harry to tell me what I should be doing for my son. I know that "a lil whisky on the gums never hurt anyone" but I don't want to do that to my son. It increases the chances of RSV. And I know that when I "was a kid, *I* was already eating mashed potatoes and blah blah blah" but the pediatrician said not to give him solids until he's at least 6 months. He's not starving. He'll be ok.
Jaden is my kid. I know what I'm doing. I'm not as dumb as I might look.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
