One of the things I found out is when you're pregnant, you have more dreams/nightmares. I've always had an active subconscience...but it's a little crazy right now. Every night I have at least one dream where I'm as big as an apartment complex and Greg is cheating on me. And he's cheating on me with people I know but I haven't talked to in years. When I wake up, I am insanely miffed and jealous. The other night I actually punched him, I was so mad.
My name is Amanda, and I think I abuse my boyfriend...
Of course, he has never cheated on me. Nor has he ever cheated on anyone. But these dreams are so real. And after more than a few dreams I literally cannot go back to sleep. All I can do is roll over, hold him and know that he is laying next to me and that he's not going around behind my back. I have no reason to believe he's cheating, because we're attached at the hip. And when he has to go to work...he's texting me...almost constantly. So why am I bugging out?
Well. He does have a few friends that are women. Not a big deal, right? *buzzer sound* I loathe the one woman. Her husband works with Greg but he doesn't talk to her husband. And she texts Greg...alot. We've only met once but for some reason, I don't trust her. But shouldn't I trust my fiancee? Duh, of course. I just don't like how she eyed him up. I feel like a dog that must mark my territory and snap on anyone who tries to go after what's mine.
The sick thing is? It's not even women. Lately he's been helping people out with their cars. He's real good and working on that kind of stuff. And he's getting paid for most of it. But they are taking him away from me. I'm grateful that he has a real skill (I still think that he should go get his G.E.D and see if anywhere would hire him.) but does he have to do it every Saturday? And sometimes during the week? He'll get calls saying "Oh are you going to do *blank* for me?" They honestly expect him to drop everything to do whatever they want. Every night he gets texts and calls for all sorts of things. It bugs the hell outta me.
I already told him I get him, all to myself, a month before the due date and at least two months after the baby is born. He didn't really like that at first but eventually he agreed.
I'm sure that the reason why I'm feeling so jealous is because I am getting insecure. I love my baby bump. But, other things are growing too. Like my booty, *I had to google booty...cause I didn't remember how to spell it* hips, legs and boobs. That, and up until about a week ago, I had no sex drive. So I felt that if I wasn't giving him what he wanted, he would find someone who would. And that maybe I'm not that interesting. That's why he always going off and working on peoples' cars. In my sick mind, it makes a lot of sense.
I trust Greg. I really do. And I have never had these thoughts about him before I got pregnant. This is a new thing. I just wish that these nightmares would stop. I'm losing sleep and losing faith. It seems so silly, but it's really eating me up inside.
Well, now that I got that out of my system. I'm sorry for the emo post yesterday. That is the number one reason why I shouldn't blog when I'm already crying for no reason. It's been a very bipolar week for me. Ha, this baby is going to make me even crazier.
Side note: Everything has been going well. I *think* I'm feeling the baby move. It kinda feels like gas. It's kinda weird. It's also really cool if it is the baby. It's just something I got to bring up to the doctor and see if it is the baby or just phantom flutters.
Next post WILL have pictures. I decied that even though my laptop is dead and my desktop is a pos, I'm going to make it work. :)
Until later
~MommyToBee
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