On Saturday when we went to the flea market we stopped at a vendor for some *delicious* chicken. He looked at me and when "So...when are you popping?" It kinda caught me off guard...since I never had a stranger come up to me and ask that. But it was also good...sicne now I know I "offically" look more pregnant than fat. His mother walks up and says: "Oh...that's a HEALTHY baby." I resisted giving her a dirty look, but she chimed in: "I mean, you are carrying well...that means it's a healthy baby." Even she realized how a crazy hormonal pregnant women could take that sentence. I like her.
When we went home Greg's mom even pointed out that I look, in fact, that I suddenly "popped" out. Which, if you asked me, I think I "popped" out a little earlier...but I guess it's just more noticeable now.
So, 22 weeks...this is what I look like!
(Okay, so apparently my pictures don't like me and the decided to show up really small...this is the "x-large" setting.)
I know I have a dumb face, but I just got off the phone with my Mother...and I was still pretty heated and a little angry. I look so HUGE. It doesn't help that I'm offically hungry every second. It's really hard to resist. But I think I'm doing a good job. It doesn't help that the medicines I'm taking also causes weight gain. But I've been getting out more and moving around more, so hopefully that will help.
This is Greg's favorite picture. I think because it's so natural? I didn't even realize he took the picture until he told me to do it again on the other side. I didn't even notice the flash going off. What can I say? I can't get enough of my belly.
You can't really see the stretch marks but you can definately see that although I bitch alot and I rant about everything...I'm enjoying myself and this pregnancy. It's hard but I already know it's all worth it. Now if only I could figure out a way to keep my ring permately on my finger instead of having to wear it on a chain around my neck. It's really bumming me out. I've had a ring on my finger since June 10th 2009 and I feel naked without it. But it's getting harder and harder to put it on and take it off. I just hope it's not a sign of my blood pressure rising. :( That would add insult to injury.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
During the first trimester I thought time was going so slow. As of today, I officially changed my mind. I'm 22 weeks. That means in 18 weeks Baby Boo is coming. Or that in 9 weeks I'll be having my shower. Or that I really need to call and get registered for my birthing/breastfeeding/child raising classes. Or that I really need to schedule an dentist appointment. Or that I really should be cleaning instead of listening to pandora.com all day while playing farkle on facebook. 'Cause if I'm ready or not, the baby's coming. And I'm realizing with every braxton hick contraction, he's on his way.
Through out my pregnancy I've been tracking how big he is and little milestones. For 22 weeks, he's now a pound and is around a foot long from tip of the head to his toes. And let me tell you, he's letting me know that he's there. For weeks now I was freaking out that I haven't really felt him move in a while. Well... apparently he was just storing his energy for this weekend. He hasn't been kicking a whole lot, but the kicks that are felt are really strong. Looking back the reason the kicks might have been so strong is because of me being moving around and drinking orange juice. But still, his kicking is stronger than ever before.
Speaking of moving around, I had an amazing day on Friday. Although I didn't get a pedicure nor did I get Olive Garden; I had an awesome time. I finally got my hair cut. I swear to God she cut off 15 pounds of hair. I love prenatal vitamins but it makes your hair grow fast. I got myself a new purse along with a wallet. And some new clothes. And I spent way too much money on myself. But I sorta needed that. On Friday night I was smiling and just happy. I wasn't my normal "blah" self.
Saturday we went to the flea market and I realized just how out of shape I have became. My legs hurt so bad, but we were able to have a good time. Saturday night though, was date night. We haven't had one in a long time. Sure we might go out to eat, but we never get to really get out of the house and do a fun activity. We went bowling. Although both of us were in pain and agony from it, it was a good time. A band that Greg knows was playing at the bar at the ally so we stopped in to see some of his friends. I knew Greg really enjoyed himself, even if the place was packed, smokey and filled with drunken idiots.
Sunday was just a lazy day. We had so much that we wanted to get done this weekend, but none of it got done. Oh well...it all will get done sooner or later. It just needs to happen sooner rather than later. :)
Now, I have another rant. I know, I know...I should stop these...but really this one is driving me nuts.
While we were at the flea market on Saturday morning, I get a text from my mom. "Bad news honey I'm sorry but Shawnee was killed by a hit and run." Who is Shawnee? My mom's neighbor's DOG. Now, I get sad when I hear about any animal dying in any way. But I've seen this dog maybe 3 times. I have no attachment to the dog or the her *asshole* of an owner. However, my mom and siblings were close to the dog and her owner, so I of course send my sympathies. Even when my mom calls me to tell me the *long* story, I don't really know what to say. Just that "I'm sorry she's gone" and "There will be other dogs".
All weekend my news feed is filled with my sister saying something along the lines of: "She's gone, OhMyGod, I can't go on, this is the end of my life" yadda yadda yadda. I think this is a little overly dramatic...even for my sister. She's a drama queen just like me but to just wallow in it for days...seems a little excessive. I understand the loss of a pet is extremely hard, especially one that's considered your family. But eventually, you move on.
I think what bothers me the most is the fact that they actually missed church for the dog's "burial". But yet when I came to visit, they had to go to both church and Sunday school. (They did have to go to church but as far as Sunday school, they didn't have to go...they had no issues that needed to be dealt with then.) So, how am I supposed to feel? That a dog's burial is more important to my family than me having a kid? It might be pregnancy hormones that are clouding my mind...but that's how I feel. And why would I even care about this dog? It wasn't mine...and frankly...I don't like most dogs. *Exception: Cheyenne and Cole. I loves them.*
To me, the whole thing is ridiculous. But then again, who am I to say anything to my family? I wasn't close to the dog and they were. I'm sure it's really hard what they are going through...but I can tell you that my sister didn't even react this way when our Grandfather passed away. And I think that's the saddest thing.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
I've spent the better part of this past week feeling depressed and sorry for myself. I didn't want to leave the house or do much of anything. Whenever someone would ask me about it, I would brush it off or just become a ball of tears. It sucks. This is supposed to be one of the happiest times of my life and all I can do is feel down on myself. I woke up this morning and my "fog" was lifted a little. It's beautiful out and I want to go out and experience it.
What really is hard though is that Greg blames himself a little for my depression. We don't go out very much anymore, and he knows that hurts me. I'm not saying we have to do something every minute of every day, but we used to just go out and ride around when we first started dating. Now all we do is go to softball maybe twice a week to see a team suck so bad...and a team manager stare at my tits. I'm so sick of sitting in this house and counting out change to save for the baby. Some days I literally feel like my mind is melting.
This weekend though, we're planning on going to see a band. It's just a cover band and it's going to be at a bar...but it's something. It's a change of pace. I know I'll probably not enjoy myself, but at least I won't be contained to these four walls. Yes, there will be a lot of drunk people and smoking...but I don't care. Maybe I'll even get to go bowling. And maybe Greg will take me out to dinner to Olive Garden like he was hinting.
As far as today, I think I'm going to go to the mall. I have no idea if I'm going to get anything (Although Motherhood Maternity has a sale on tank tops) but it'll be nice just to not be in the house. All I know is that my toes need done like yesterday, and I'm feeling that I deserve a pedicure. And I think I might get my hair cut too. I no longer have hair...I have a friggen lion's main. Seriously...it's l-o-n-g and c-u-r-l-y. Mommy hasn't been feeling pretty lately, and I deserve a little something.
I just hope that today I can just get out of this funk.
Now, for a little rant, cause pregnant women need to rant at least 30883479024372 times a day.
HOW HARD IS IT TO PUT UP A FLIPPING BABY GATE????? We don't even latch it so it's tight up against the wall, it just leans against the steps. It takes less than a second to just put it up behind you. But noooo you REFUSE to do it. So the next time your little mutt of a dog goes upstairs...I will pull you by the horse face and push your face into his mess and make you lick it up. Cause frankly...it's getting harder and harder for me to get on my knees and scrub up his piss and crap off of the floor. And so help me God, if any of the dogs figure out a way to get into the nursery...you will be buying me a brand new carpet...and having it professionally installed. Ohhhhh and keep your "boyfriend's" kid away from me. Yes, he's 2...but he pulls on shit, like my shirt, and makes me almost fall. And I don't think he wants to be squished by a very hormonal and bitchy and frankly HUGE women. Jus' sayinggggg....keep him away from me.
Oh and don't make comments about my spending habits and how my fiancee works so I don't have to. You've been on "disablity" since your boys were in diapers (now 18 and 21) and you don't have a damn thing wrong with you. And then you bitch because your eldest son doesn't have a job because he decided to threaten his uncle with a gun...and your younger son doesn't want to work. He's 18 and he has the energy of a 109 year old man. Next time you complain that I don't give my in-laws any money just remember who's paying most of thier bills. And then realize that my in-laws pay for you to go to the buffet almost every day.
Oh....and I can hear what you are saying when you're downstairs...and no...I didn't gain THAT much weight. I'm secure in the fact that I'm fat and I don't need to starve myself to think that I'm beautiful.
:D Have a great day, everyone
~MommyToBee
Lately I've been feeling lonesome and about 20 other shades of depressed. I know Greg is trying his best to keep me together...but honestly, he can't get get my out of this funk. I've been walking a little more...cleaning when I can. (I was told yesterday all the work I did was for nothing...because Greg won't be able to move things around this weekend.) But lately I just want to not be here. I don't want to be around his family...especially when they are driving me nuts. I don't need someone to ask me where I'm going or when I'm going to be home. I guess that's the drawback when you're too broke to move out on your own.
It's times like this when I miss home. I miss my family...even if they are crazy. I miss to downtime of it all. Hell, I almost miss the smell. To me, York isn't home. But it's Greg's home, and I would never make him uproot his life like I did willingly almost 2 years ago. (Wow...it's been that long?) Now I wish I could change that decision. I'm not a city girl. This country girl is missing home more than anyone knows.
Even if we were to save money and find a place up there, either Greg or I or both would have to find jobs immediately. And in this economy, I don't see how that's possible. Yes, it's looking up, but it could still take an additional 2 years to get on the right track. Frankly, Greg has a good thing going where he works. Yes, he's *only* a temp, but he's in good with the bosses. And apparently the head wearhouse boss is trying to get him a first shift job, as soon as one opens up. Chris (the wearhouse boss) wants him to stay with the company. She even offers him overtime when she can. As much as I hate to say it, he needs this job and we can't really think about moving away from it.
I'm sure my depressive thoughts are not helped by the fact that I've been lacking sleep and sick the past few days. Since I'm working on trying not to complain so much (especailly to Greg, he doens't need to hear about it all the time) I've "suffered in silence" since Sunday. I can't seen to get comfortable at night, and when I do, I have the worst nightmares. Then when I wake up in the morning I have these terrible headaches that don't go away. I know it might not seem like a whole lot but when you're not sleeping and all you want is sleep? It starts to get to you. I'm pretty sure my body is just preparing me for when Little Man comes. But really body, do we have to start a whole 19 weeks before he's due?
Hormones are not my friend. Not my friend at all.
I think it actually might be time to just relax a little until this headache chills out for a little.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
This weekend Greg promised me that we are going to rearrange our room. While I'm excited for a new set-up, (his ex made him move the furniture to where it is now) I know it's going to be a lot of work. Mainly all week I got to pack up all "loose" things and put them in the nursery so it'll be easier to move things around. To be quite honest, I'm really nervous anout all the things that have to be moved. I'm still not fully moved in from when I moved from my old place to here. It's sad to say that some of my stuff is still in boxes.
When I first moved in there just seemed like there wasn't room for me. Why? Because he still had a whole bunch of stuff from his ex. That's right! And guess what...it's been 16 months since they were "offically" broken up and there's still some of her stuff here. She got some of her stuff...but she left a lot of clothes. I know that in the beginning it was hard for him to get her things out of there...since most of it he bought. Buttttt c'mon...let's get it out of here! I can't wait to have her out of our lives completely. Everything about this women is terrible, I don't know how he put up with it for so long.
But I know that I need to pack up this stuff so we can move things around. Really we need another person, because I can't move the heavy stuff. And pretty much everything in our room is H-E-A-V-Y. It's either solid wood or a big tv. Not to mention we got to make sure that all the electronic stuff is pluged into the right places. (This place has the worst electrical system I've ever seen.) We're also going to clean everything in the room. Including the walls, molding, and I think we're even going to get new curtains/ blinds.
...'Cause this baby is going to have a clean place to go.
Well it's Tuesday! That means pictures! (Cause we all know that I love showing it off, even if I am a hippo)
I have no idea why lately my camera thinks I suddenly have a tan. I'm not that dark. I'm still as pale as an emo kid that's afraid of the sun. Maybe I got to look and see what setting it's on...that might be it.
But here I am...21 weeks. I haven't noticed any weight gain besides my butt (a little) and my belly. My legs or my arms haven't gotten any fatter...just my belly. Which is funny because when I go to a public place people just stare at me as if I ate a watermellon whole. I know I've "popped" out a little...but I think it's really noticible that I'm pregnant and not just fat.
I think Greg was getting a little jealous of me getting camera time every week...so he had to pose for a few "belly pictures" too. Truthfully...he looks more pregnant than me. :( I love how involved he's getting with the pregnancy. Every day my belly gets 3 kisses. When he wakes up, when he comes home from work and before bed. I think actually seeing him move at the ultrasound really made him realize that he was going to be a daddy. Oh and let me tell you, little man gets on my nerves just like his daddy.
Well Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
The past few days I've been plagued with the worst mood swings ever. It started on Friday when I literally sobbed for 3 hours for no reason. I couldn't stop for anything. And when I finally did get into a lull of cries, I would start up again for no reason. Soon, I got frustrated at myself for being so weepy. There wasn't anything wrong. I just felt...worthless.
I make little jokes to Greg all the time that I guess I was supposed to be barefoot and pregnant. In the past year, I've been pregnant twice. Honestly, sometimes I just feel like a baby machine. Now, I know I'm never going to give Michelle Duggar a run for her money. And Greg will probably want to stop having kids after this one. (He's said on more than once that he doesn't want more than one. Which, is a little shocking, since he's one of seven kids.) As much as I beg him for another, I know fiancially it probably won't happen. This has been a hard year. Sometimes I drift off on the bad, and realize that I do have a lot of postives.
Like, everyday I become a little more aware of my uterus. I know it sounds so silly. But certain ways you move, you can feel it. Even the outline and how hard it's becoming. How I can feel little man moving and kicking. I know it's still not as much as I would like...but it's happening more. He's moving more than I can feel...and I just got to put my faith in that. That he is growing. Something his big brother or sister never did.
Yes, I get concerned when I feel something in my belly. But I think that's normal for any expecting mother. And let me say: I've had a LOT of weird pains and pulls and tugs recently. There also not always in my belly. (Hello. Mr. Man...that was my hoo-ha...don't kick there. Thank youuuu.) But I'm trying not to worry. Again, I'm putting all my faith in the fact that everyday he's growing. (He's approximately 12 inches [or will be by the end of the 21st week] and will be close to a pound!) I know my constant worrying is just hurting me and him in the long run. So I'm going to stop...or at least try to.
With all of this bipolar going on with me, it's making it really hard to talk to someone that I've leaned on this entire pregnancy. My mother is driving me nuts. I know she means well but good gravy...I'm going to snap. This is her first grandbaby. But she makes it sound like she's the only one who cares. Take for example when we found out the gender. I told her numerous times that I'll tell her what we're having when we see her. Because I feel news like that isn't supposed to shared over the phone when you're the mother of the mother of the baby. But no. I called her to let her know that we were on our way to home and she flipped out that my dad will find out what the baby is before her! "It's something that's supposed to be shared between mother and daughter." Ummm no, it's actually supposed to be something shared between mother and father of the baby. I got so upset that I told her. It was a happy moment and she kind of poo-pooed on it.
And we can never get that moment back.
Okay enough about mood swings.
I'm seriously debating if I want to write a book titled "Shit They Don't Tell You About Pregnancy". It will be a best seller. And I will share my knowledge:
*Your nose grows. Mine got HUGE. Don't take my word for it, ask my mother...she'll tell you.
*Sex becomes pretty impossible when you want it the most. Especially if you have an equally pregnant fiancee.
*You will realize that waking up in the middle of the night to pee is not only for old people.
*If you have tattoos, even if they are completely healed, they will start to itch and scab. The one I'm talking about is almost 3 years old and is scabbing like it's brand flippen new. I'm not impressed.
*Cravings are not limited to only food. I never thought I would have a craving for ice. Just ice. I want a big ol cup of ice to suck on. I want no flavored ice...just ice cubes.
*Pregnancy dreams (yes I knew about them) that are so amazing that you wish when you woke up it was real. I.e.: In this dream I was at Olive Garden with Jenn and we were eating their new cheddar cheese breadsticks. (SO good looking) And our waiter was Nick Simmons the son of Gene Simmons. *drool*
....he can serve me breadsticks anyday.
....6 foot 7 of pure MMMM.
*Did I mention it's really hard to have sex with my fiancee? Cause that's becoming a major problem.
Well that's it for now!
~MommyToBee
*Rant Warning* *Language Warning* *Extremely pissed off pregnant woman Warning*
...Don't say I didn't warn you.
As most of you might know, I saw my family this past weekend after we had our ultrasound. Although most of my family was happy for me, and couldn't believe that I was pregnant..some showed some disrespect. This particular person tried to act as nicely as they possibly could, but I could see the distain in their eyes. I understand that I am unemployed college drop out that probably should be saving more money than I am right now. I know that I shouldn't be buying myself new clothes because all of my older clothes no longer fit. I'm not going to appologize for where I am in my life right now, because I am truly happy. Please do not make remarks to me about my "whole life being on facebook" and the fact that I "don't call for the big things."
...UMMMMMM what BIG things are going on in my life besides me being pregnant? And you found out WAY before a lot of other family members. So put that in your pipe and smoke it. I'm sorry that you feel that I'm going nowhere in my life, that's your issue...not mine. I'm LOVING my life right now. I've got everything I need. I have a man in my life that for the first time doesn't expect me to be something I'm not. I have a child that's growing inside of me, after doctors told me that it just might not happen for me.
You have two choices...be happy for me, or stay away. I'm not going to pussyfoot around and walk on eggshells around you. I am a grown woman, just like you. Just because you are older, doesn't make you wiser. You expect respect, well so do I.
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Yes, Mrs. Doctor Ma'am...I put on weight. It's not my fault that I'm on medicine that you PERSONALLY perscribed for me that makes me put on weight. Apparently I can't stop taking this medicine because if I do, I won't be able to breathe! I'm guessing air in my lungs is kinda important. I know that I'm fat, and that I've gained "sufficent" amount of weight so far (22 pounds). But don't assume that I'm just laying around eating bon-bons and potato chips. Yes, I might not be the healthiest eater, but I'm fucking trying. I've stuck to the diet that I was given at my first appointment. I didn't know that now I should be eating an even more rescrited diet. Now that I know, I'm going to try my best to stick to it as much as I can.
You're worried about my blood pressure. Okay, I understand that. But also read my chart. What is my blood pressure? It's on the low side of normal. No, that's not a mistake...the nurse took my BP two times...both times it was the same thing. So don't look at that and go "Well that has to be a mistake." Not every fat person loves to cook in lard and add salt to everything they eat. I'll admit I like potato chips, but I don't eat an entire bag at one sitting. Don't lecture me on how I shouldn't be adding salt to my diet, when obviously, my blood pressure is good for now. Instead, listen to me when I say that I'm concerned about GD, since that's a little more realistic at this point. Although I finger prick myself often...I've been noticing it has been higher.
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This one goes out to my friend Jenn, her husband and my fiancee. This economy is in the shitter. People are working at jobs that they hate, and applying to jobs that they normaly wouldn't consider. At least Ben (Jenn's husband) and Greg are trying to provide for their family. I think that is more mature than anything else. Right now, Greg is working 12 hour shifts some days and working on the side doing pick up and mechanical work. Although Ben doesn't have a job right now, he's trying. I know he's not the most motivated person around...but at least he's putting himself out there. He's not like some other people who are on unemployment for a year and only look for jobs because if he doesn't he'll lose his benefits. He's also not on any sort of assistance...so in my book he's better than most.
I know that before the baby comes that we'll have to go on food stamps and WIC...but that's because of formula. I'm sorry but that shit's expenisve. But so far, Greg has been more than able to support both me and him and the baby. I know that is going to change in a few months...but he's busting his ass.
Don't act holier than thou because you don't know what to do with yourself. I appaude these two men for trying to make their situations better.
**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**
Now that I'm done bitching, (thank you for listening reading by the way) it's time to post pictures:
20 Weeks! Ahhh halfway there! Yes, I look goofy and it's not the photographer's fault. :( I'm really starting to "pop" out. My belly is getting "harder" every day. I'm still a little squishy (you'll see in the last picture) but I'm fine with that. As long as the baby is growing and staying healthy.
I'm sorry that you can see my bra...this shirt isn't see thru as much as it looks...it's just super comfy. Although I did gain 22 pounds so far, all the weight has been litterly in my belly and my boobs. I went up 3 cup sizes so far! (I pretty much keep them squished in my bra...that I'm busting out of already) And the doctor told me that I could go up another 3 sizes if I breast feed.
Good Lord, that means I'll be in a...44 G! Holy Boobs, Batman. I hope she was kidding, because DAMN I'd be stacked.
Here you can see my "squishy". I still have a good bit of fat rolls and my lower "hanging" belly is still there. That's probably not going to go away. I still miss my toes. And although they are ugly, I still love my stretch marks. My uterus was mesured for the first time yesterday, and little man is mesuring about 2 weeks ahead. I hope that means that he's going to come a little earlier. :)
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
