I've spent the better part of this past week feeling depressed and sorry for myself. I didn't want to leave the house or do much of anything. Whenever someone would ask me about it, I would brush it off or just become a ball of tears. It sucks. This is supposed to be one of the happiest times of my life and all I can do is feel down on myself. I woke up this morning and my "fog" was lifted a little. It's beautiful out and I want to go out and experience it.
What really is hard though is that Greg blames himself a little for my depression. We don't go out very much anymore, and he knows that hurts me. I'm not saying we have to do something every minute of every day, but we used to just go out and ride around when we first started dating. Now all we do is go to softball maybe twice a week to see a team suck so bad...and a team manager stare at my tits. I'm so sick of sitting in this house and counting out change to save for the baby. Some days I literally feel like my mind is melting.
This weekend though, we're planning on going to see a band. It's just a cover band and it's going to be at a bar...but it's something. It's a change of pace. I know I'll probably not enjoy myself, but at least I won't be contained to these four walls. Yes, there will be a lot of drunk people and smoking...but I don't care. Maybe I'll even get to go bowling. And maybe Greg will take me out to dinner to Olive Garden like he was hinting.
As far as today, I think I'm going to go to the mall. I have no idea if I'm going to get anything (Although Motherhood Maternity has a sale on tank tops) but it'll be nice just to not be in the house. All I know is that my toes need done like yesterday, and I'm feeling that I deserve a pedicure. And I think I might get my hair cut too. I no longer have hair...I have a friggen lion's main. Seriously...it's l-o-n-g and c-u-r-l-y. Mommy hasn't been feeling pretty lately, and I deserve a little something.
I just hope that today I can just get out of this funk.
Now, for a little rant, cause pregnant women need to rant at least 30883479024372 times a day.
HOW HARD IS IT TO PUT UP A FLIPPING BABY GATE????? We don't even latch it so it's tight up against the wall, it just leans against the steps. It takes less than a second to just put it up behind you. But noooo you REFUSE to do it. So the next time your little mutt of a dog goes upstairs...I will pull you by the horse face and push your face into his mess and make you lick it up. Cause frankly...it's getting harder and harder for me to get on my knees and scrub up his piss and crap off of the floor. And so help me God, if any of the dogs figure out a way to get into the nursery...you will be buying me a brand new carpet...and having it professionally installed. Ohhhhh and keep your "boyfriend's" kid away from me. Yes, he's 2...but he pulls on shit, like my shirt, and makes me almost fall. And I don't think he wants to be squished by a very hormonal and bitchy and frankly HUGE women. Jus' sayinggggg....keep him away from me.
Oh and don't make comments about my spending habits and how my fiancee works so I don't have to. You've been on "disablity" since your boys were in diapers (now 18 and 21) and you don't have a damn thing wrong with you. And then you bitch because your eldest son doesn't have a job because he decided to threaten his uncle with a gun...and your younger son doesn't want to work. He's 18 and he has the energy of a 109 year old man. Next time you complain that I don't give my in-laws any money just remember who's paying most of thier bills. And then realize that my in-laws pay for you to go to the buffet almost every day.
Oh....and I can hear what you are saying when you're downstairs...and no...I didn't gain THAT much weight. I'm secure in the fact that I'm fat and I don't need to starve myself to think that I'm beautiful.
:D Have a great day, everyone
~MommyToBee
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