Definate Woe Is Me Post

For three long months I took Zoloft to help with my PPD.  Everyday it hurt me to take it.  But, I thought I would get over my PPD faster.  I felt better.  I didn't want to be on it anymore.  I was SO wrong to do that.  With my DR's permission,  I stopped.

We were so wrong. 

I should have never done that.  Now I'm even more depressed than before.  I can't stand up and rock and dance with my Son.  I can't sleep.  I can't feel my hands.  I physically cannot smile or laugh or say a few words because the muscles in my jaw/neck are so tight, it's hurts.  Standing has become a major feat.  Changing diapers is almost impossible.  Forget about the snaps on a onesie.  My eyes are doing better though except for the fact they keep watering and I look more tired than  what I really am. Another positive is my feet aren't numb anymore.

I am so distraught over this.  I can't believe this is happening.  I know it'll probably get better, but at this very moment I am so afraid that I am going to stay like this forever.  That somehow, this isn't reversible.  And those thoughts aren't helping.  I need to stay positive and relaxed if I want my anxiety to go away.  Maybe if I stay relaxed enough the drugs will help more. 

I don't want to feel like a prisoner in my body anymore.  I feel so helpless.  And again, all this is doing is making me more depressed.  The only thing that get me through the day is this...

...this face and knowing I have the love of...

...this man.

I might be depressed but  know who cares about me:  a best friend who would listen to me sob on the phone when I get the news.  A baby who laughs whenever I sing a certain song.  A man who loves me even though I don't deserve his affection.

So why can't I be happy?


Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee