Since Jaden has been born, Greg and I have only had sex twice. And we have "attempted" 3 times. That means, less than once a month we "get it on". He tries to no avial to get me in the mood to have sex, but I always seem to turn him down. He is still very attractive in my eyes and I would like to be intimate, but I just can't for some reason.
And "for some reason" I mean these:
*I have let myself go. I am the fattest I have ever been. And I am disgusted at how gross I really am.
*I love to have my breasts played with. While they are not techicnally off limits, I feel weird about what I feed my child is also Daddy's play things.
*Jaden is still co-sleeping with us. I love having my little boy next to me, but that kind of limits how "sexy time" happens. It has to be planned out. And more than likely-it won't happen in the bed.
*Physcially, it's hard to have it right now. I don't want to go into too many details with that.
*And well...it hurts. Not where you might think, either. Whenever I get "turned on", my c-section scar itches and aches. I was told that it could happen. And that if it did become an issue, there is nothing that can be done for it. (Lucky me.)
For a little bit, Greg was understanding...well as understanding as a man could be. But now, it's really starting to effect or relationship.
We once had a spark. I can't explain it. But we were so "on" with one another. We had the same thoughts, we could litterally finish eachothers' sentences. Now, it's like we're becoming strangers. We lost that "spark". I feel like he's falling out of love with me, and me with him.
And that depresses me to no end. I truly want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I think I have pushed him away and used with holding sex as some sort of punishment. Why do I subconciously feel like I need to punish him? I have no idea, but I need to figure it out.
Because I will not let the fact that we have a child change our sex lives. Even if it means me not enjoying it for a while...I need to try at least. I cannot lose that man because of a low sex drive. I got to make it work somehow. Greg is worth at least a good honest college try.
Let's just hope I can somehow make this work.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee
2 comments:
Fake it 'til you make it! I have several posts about keeping the spark (and we're not newlyweds) and Pamela over at www.pamelahutchins.com also has so great posts (our "30 days of intimacy challenge" posts are good). It takes patience, time, and sometimes just doing it because he needs it (anywhere you can!) - it is THAT important to protect this area of your marriage. It is a man's security. (Oh yeah, and get that baby into his own bed asap.)
and p.s. please take that post in the spirit it was intended - in love, not bossiness (smile). And sometimes when you start out faking it (being in the mood), you end up feeling more into it as it goes along. We women are wired differently, that's for sure! AND he doesn't care that you feel fat - he just sees the woman he loves.
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