Picture Tuesday. *Pic Heavy*

I kind of feel bad that I didn't take pictures while we were on "vacation".  It just didn't seem right, and I didn't want to post anything on facebook saying that we were broke and things were kind of up in the air.  The people I wanted to know knew and that was it.  So we didn't take pictures for my 23rd or 24th week.  But I'm back this week with my 25th week pictures!  YAY! 

I've accepted the fact that I look a lot further than what I am.  And the fact that I look huge 24/7.  The only thing that I really don't like is the fact that I'm starting to just put on weight everywhere.  I noticed especially in my thighs that I'm gaining weight.  And the fact that my ring no longer fits still bums me out.  Although I can wear my "back up" ring, it's not the same. 

The nurse that I absolutely love at my doctor's office told me about a women they treated last year.  She lost a baby at 15 weeks.  And 6 weeks after she lost that child, she was pregnant again.  Now, she got pregnant a lot faster than me, but she put on a lot of water weight.  She went from about 110lbs to 230 in her pregnancy.  Yes, that's a lot of weight, and no I'm not expecting to put on 120lbs.  However, the nurse explained to me, that although I'm gaining weight, there is a small possibility that it's mostly water.  She agreed that I might have put on a little fat, but it might be water.  I don't know if it's true or not, but it's a little glimmer of hope that I'm not just an elephant.

Although I am positive that I will lose weight after the pregnancy, I'm more concerned about possible problems while I'm still pregnant.  I'm deathly afraid of gestational diabetes and preeclampsia.  And every time that little man doesn't move for more than a period of 45 minutes I start to worry.  I know my weight is a big issue on me and him.  All I can do is continue to eat as healthy as I can and avoid stress as much as possible.  I've been working out more and more.  But lately it's been really hard.  I don't know if it's because the third trimester is starting to knock on the door or not, but I'm always exhausted.  I've definitely started nesting and thinking I need to make sure everything is ready for him like yesterday.  We haven't touched the nursery since we set up the carpet and crib. 

I just look at the calendar and say...15 more weeks or so...it doesn't seem like enough time.

I know time is going so fast, but it can't go fast enough.  I can't wait to meet my little man.  He's becoming more and more active every day and to me, there's nothing that can replace that little "bump bump bump" feeling.  The other day after not being active for about 3 days straight, I really started to panic.  I didn't want to worry though, because maybe he was just in a weird spot.  So I laid down and was watching a show about Will Smith.  (Side note...he's so MMMMM) They were talking about his oldest son, Jayden.  I said to myself out loud: "I like the name Jayden Alexander."  You would think I just gave Boo a tablespoon full of sugar.  He went nuts.  Started kicking and punching and flipping around...and it was throughout my entire belly.  After about 10 minutes *yes, he was going nuts for 10 minutes straight* he finally calmed down.  Well, I said the name out loud again.  This time I got the same response but for not nearly as long.  When I told Greg this, of course he had to feel for himself.  Sure enough, hours later, the same thing happened.

Did our son agree to a name?  I don't want to keep calling him the name (although if I say it, he will respond) just in case we don't name him Jayden after all.  I don't want to confuse the little man.  But I do think we found a new number 1 favorite.

Now, Greg and I were planning on getting maternity pictures done.  Nothing fancy, just a little package at Wal-mart.  But since money is low, we're no longer doing them.  But I must say, this is my favorite picture so far.  I don't need anything fancy.  I just need my digital and my hubby and my big ol' belly.

Greg was definitely being very cute last night.  He really is getting excited about the arrival.  I think he's getting really nervous too.  With every day that passes he seems to realize that we're a day closer to "D-Day".  I even caught him watching a baby show the other day.  Although I personally can't watch a live birth, he can.  (I see no point in me watching one, because I'm not going to be able to see over my belly when he comes out.  And I'm already scared so I don't want to freak myself out.)  He kids about being at the bar while I'm pushing the baby out, but I know that he's going to be right next to me probably bawling more than anyone else.


Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

Stress Can Harm You...

As most of you might know, I tend to stress out a lot.  I've been trying to calm my nerves for this pregnancy because I know that stress isn't good for me or Boo.  Although I had my ups and downs...I was doing alright until about two and a half weeks ago. (A Wednesday) The power was shut off because of a hugely unpaid bill.  Now, it wouldn't be so bad if someone didn't take it so lightly.  Greg's dad thought it was kinda funny...and told us not to worry, that the power would be back on by that Monday.  Greg was obviously upset and we took shelter in a motel nearby.  Monday rolls around...no power...Wednesday rolls around...STILL no power.  Greg's dad told us that he needed more money after we already gave him enough for a down payment on the bill.  By this point, the baby fund is completely gone and Greg only has a few dollars.

It will take 15 days for the money to come in and the power to be turned on. 

I.  Am.  Not.  Impressed. 

Greg and I have been looking for our own place for around seven months now.  But it's been extremely hard.  Neither Greg or I want to live in the city because of all of the bad things you hear about it.  And honestly I don't want my child to go to an inner city school.  However, we don't have the money to do so.  We're stuck.  And there doesn't seem like any way to change the situation for at least a year and a half.

Blehhhhh I friggen HATE being broke.  (I know I'm not alone in this feeling.)

Anyway, with all of these money problems and not sure what's going on, I was stressed out.  Unfortunately for me, apparently when you stress out you can make your limbs swell.  And you can make them swell to gross proportions and make you stress out even MORE.  When I went to my last appointment, although everything was normal (except for my giant butt) I was told that I need to moderate my stress because it's not good to have.  Even if my blood pressure is normal I could still develop pre-e just because of my stress level.

'Cause I didn't have anything that could stress me out in the past five minutes...thanks Doc.

I go for my glucose test in two weeks and I'm nervous about it.  Although I don't have diabetes, I have a lot of family members who do.  And my mom had "sugar in the urine" when she had my sister.  I'm worried that I have it because of all the weight I gained.  I know I could eat a diabetic diet but I don't want any other problems.  I know even if I failed the one hour test I'm going to have a big baby...and they might not let me have a vaginal birth.  But only time will tell.

Not only am I worried about that test, I am worried about a possible problem.  I was having some sharp pains at the side of my stomach.  I brushed it off like it was nothing, but the doctor I had at the appointment told me that if it's not better by the next visit they are going to have to ultrasound my gull bladder.  OY!

Well, now it's off to clean and get things packed up for my yard sale.
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

I'm back!

After 15 days *yes, I've counted* I'm back.  I'll give a more in depth post early next week...but here's the run down.
*I've been told that I must watch my stress level.  If not for possible early signs of pre-e but also because BH are painful and that could cause pre-term delivery.
*I love Greg, but he's getting on my nerves.
*I've come to realize that I am, in fact, a whiny bitchy little girl who just needs to hold her tongue every once in a while.
*Solitaire is no longer fun after the 500th game played by yourself.
*Boo will give me a heart attack before he comes.
*Speaking of boo, he might have named himself yesterday.
*I really don't mind doing laundry at a Laundromat...except for the price.  And I like doing laundry in the middle of the night.
*I cannot believe that I gained another seven pounds.
*Not really looking forward to my glucose tolerance test.

That'll be it for now...but until next time:
~MommyToBee

Good Grief...I'm "Popping"!

On Saturday when we went to the flea market we stopped at a vendor for some *delicious* chicken.  He looked at me and when "So...when are you popping?"  It kinda caught me off guard...since I never had a stranger come up to me and ask that.  But it was also good...sicne now I know I "offically" look more pregnant than fat.  His mother walks up and says:  "Oh...that's a HEALTHY baby."  I resisted giving her a dirty look, but she chimed in:  "I mean, you are carrying well...that means it's a healthy baby."  Even she realized how a crazy hormonal pregnant women could take that sentence.  I like her.

When we went home Greg's mom even pointed out that I look, in fact, that I suddenly "popped" out.  Which, if you asked me, I think I "popped" out a little earlier...but I guess it's just more noticeable now.

So, 22 weeks...this is what I look like!

(Okay, so apparently my pictures don't like me and the decided to show up really small...this is the "x-large" setting.)

I know I have a dumb face, but I just got off the phone with my Mother...and I was still pretty heated and a little angry.  I look so HUGE.  It doesn't help that I'm offically hungry every second.  It's really hard to resist.  But I think I'm doing a good job.  It doesn't help that the medicines I'm taking also causes weight gain.  But I've been getting out more and moving around more, so hopefully that will help.

This is Greg's favorite picture.  I think because it's so natural?  I didn't even realize he took the picture until he told me to do it again on the other side.  I didn't even notice the flash going off.  What can I say?  I can't get enough of my belly.

You can't really see the stretch marks but you can definately see that although I bitch alot and I rant about everything...I'm enjoying myself and this pregnancy.  It's hard but I already know it's all worth it.  Now if only I could figure out a way to keep my ring permately on my finger instead of having to wear it on a chain around my neck.  It's really bumming me out.  I've had a ring on my finger since June 10th 2009 and I feel naked without it.  But it's getting harder and harder to put it on and take it off.  I just hope it's not a sign of my blood pressure rising. :( That would add insult to injury.

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

Wow...Already?

During the first trimester I thought time was going so slow.  As of today, I officially changed my mind.  I'm 22 weeks.  That means in 18 weeks Baby Boo is coming.  Or that in 9 weeks I'll be having my shower.  Or that I really need to call and get registered for my birthing/breastfeeding/child raising classes.  Or that I really need to schedule an dentist appointment.  Or that I really should be cleaning instead of listening to pandora.com all day while playing farkle on facebook.  'Cause if I'm ready or not, the baby's coming.  And I'm realizing with every braxton hick contraction, he's on his way.

Through out my pregnancy I've been tracking how big he is and little milestones.  For 22 weeks, he's now a pound and is around a foot long from tip of the head to his toes.  And let me tell you, he's letting me know that he's there.  For weeks now I was freaking out that I haven't really felt him move in a while.  Well... apparently he was just storing his energy for this weekend.  He hasn't been kicking a whole lot, but the kicks that are felt are really strong.  Looking back the reason the kicks might have been so strong is because of me being moving around and drinking orange juice.  But still, his kicking is stronger than ever before. 

Speaking of moving around, I had an amazing day on Friday.  Although I didn't get a pedicure nor did I get Olive Garden; I had an awesome time.  I finally got my hair cut.  I swear to God she cut off 15 pounds of hair.  I love prenatal vitamins but it makes your hair grow fast.  I got myself a new purse along with a wallet.  And some new clothes.  And I spent way too much money on myself.  But I sorta needed that.  On Friday night I was smiling and just happy.  I wasn't my normal "blah" self.

Saturday we went to the flea market and I realized just how out of shape I have became.  My legs hurt so bad, but we were able to have a good time.  Saturday night though, was date night.  We haven't had one in a long time.  Sure we might go out to eat, but we never get to really get out of the house and do a fun activity.  We went bowling.  Although both of us were in pain and agony from it, it was a good time.  A band that Greg knows was playing at the bar at the ally so we stopped in to see some of his friends.  I knew Greg really enjoyed himself, even if the place was packed, smokey and filled with drunken idiots. 

Sunday was just a lazy day.  We had so much that we wanted to get done this weekend, but none of it got done.  Oh well...it all will get done sooner or later.  It just needs to happen sooner rather than later. :)

Now, I have another rant.  I know, I know...I should stop these...but really this one is driving me nuts.

While we were at the flea market on Saturday morning, I get a text from my mom.  "Bad news honey I'm sorry but Shawnee was killed by a hit and run."  Who is Shawnee?  My mom's neighbor's DOG.  Now, I get sad when I hear about any animal dying in any way.  But I've seen this dog maybe 3 times.  I have no attachment to the dog or the her *asshole* of an owner.  However, my mom and siblings were close to the dog and her owner, so I of course send my sympathies.  Even when my mom calls me to tell me the *long* story, I don't really know what to say.  Just that "I'm sorry she's gone" and "There will be other dogs". 

All weekend my news feed is filled with my sister saying something along the lines of:  "She's gone, OhMyGod, I can't go on, this is the end of my life" yadda yadda yadda.  I think this is a little overly dramatic...even for my sister.  She's a drama queen just like me but to just wallow in it for days...seems a little excessive.  I understand the loss of a pet is extremely hard, especially one that's considered your family.  But eventually, you move on.

I think what bothers me the most is the fact that they actually missed church for the dog's "burial".  But yet when I came to visit, they had to go to both church and Sunday school.  (They did have to go to church but as far as Sunday school, they didn't have to go...they had no issues that needed to be dealt with then.)  So, how am I supposed to feel?  That a dog's burial is more important to my family than me having a kid?  It might be pregnancy hormones that are clouding my mind...but that's how I feel.  And why would I even care about this dog?  It wasn't mine...and frankly...I don't like most dogs.  *Exception:  Cheyenne and Cole.  I loves them.*

To me, the whole thing is ridiculous.  But then again, who am I to say anything to my family?  I wasn't close to the dog and they were.  I'm sure it's really hard what they are going through...but I can tell you that my sister didn't even react this way when our Grandfather passed away.  And I think that's the saddest thing.

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

Not Going To Let This Get To Me

I've spent the better part of this past week feeling depressed and sorry for myself.  I didn't want to leave the house or do much of anything.  Whenever someone would ask me about it, I would brush it off or just become a ball of tears.  It sucks.  This is supposed to be one of the happiest times of my life and all I can do is feel down on myself.  I woke up this morning and my "fog" was lifted a little.  It's beautiful out and I want to go out and experience it. 
What really is hard though is that Greg blames himself a little for my depression.  We don't go out very much anymore, and he knows that hurts me.  I'm not saying we have to do something every minute of every day, but we used to just go out and ride around when we first started dating.  Now all we do is go to softball maybe twice a week to see a team suck so bad...and a team manager stare at my tits.  I'm so sick of sitting in this house and counting out change to save for the baby.  Some days I literally feel like my mind is melting.

This weekend though, we're planning on going to see a band.  It's just a cover band and it's going to be at a bar...but it's something.  It's a change of pace.  I know I'll probably not enjoy myself, but at least I won't be contained to these four walls.  Yes, there will be a lot of drunk people and smoking...but I don't care.  Maybe I'll even get to go bowling.  And maybe Greg will take me out to dinner to Olive Garden like he was hinting.

As far as today, I think I'm going to go to the mall.  I have no idea if I'm going to get anything (Although Motherhood Maternity has a sale on tank tops) but it'll be nice just to not be in the house.  All I know is that my toes need done like yesterday, and I'm feeling that I deserve a pedicure.  And I think I might get my hair cut too.  I no longer have hair...I have a friggen lion's main.  Seriously...it's l-o-n-g and c-u-r-l-y.  Mommy hasn't been feeling pretty lately, and I deserve a little something.

I just hope that today I can just get out of this funk.

Now, for a little rant, cause pregnant women need to rant at least 30883479024372 times a day.

HOW HARD IS IT TO PUT UP A FLIPPING BABY GATE?????  We don't even latch it so it's tight up against the wall, it just leans against the steps.  It takes less than a second to just put it up behind you.  But noooo you REFUSE to do it.  So the next time your little mutt of a dog goes upstairs...I will pull you by the horse face and push your face into his mess and make you lick it up.  Cause frankly...it's getting harder and harder for me to get on my knees and scrub up his piss and crap off of the floor.  And so help me God, if  any of the dogs figure out a way to get into the nursery...you will be buying me a brand new carpet...and having it professionally installed.  Ohhhhh and keep your "boyfriend's" kid away from me.  Yes, he's 2...but he pulls on shit, like my shirt, and makes me almost fall.  And I don't think he wants to be squished by a very hormonal and bitchy and frankly HUGE women.  Jus' sayinggggg....keep him away from me.

Oh and don't make comments about my spending habits and how my fiancee works so I don't have to.  You've been on "disablity" since your boys were in diapers (now 18 and 21) and you don't have a damn thing wrong with you.  And then you bitch because your eldest son doesn't have a job because he decided to threaten his uncle with a gun...and your younger son doesn't want to work.  He's 18 and he has the energy of a 109 year old man.  Next time you complain that I don't give my in-laws any money just remember who's paying most of thier bills.  And then realize that my in-laws pay for you to go to the buffet almost every day. 

Oh....and I can hear what you are saying when you're downstairs...and no...I didn't gain THAT much weight.  I'm secure in the fact that I'm fat and I don't need to starve myself to think that I'm beautiful.

:D  Have a great day, everyone
~MommyToBee

Home?

Lately I've been feeling lonesome and about 20 other shades of depressed.  I know Greg is trying his best to keep me together...but honestly, he can't get get my out of this funk.  I've been walking a little more...cleaning when I can.  (I was told yesterday all the work I did was for nothing...because Greg won't be able to move things around this weekend.)  But lately I just want to not be here.  I don't want to be around his family...especially when they are driving me nuts.  I don't need someone to ask me where I'm going or when I'm going to be home.  I guess that's the drawback when you're too broke to move out on your own.

It's times like this when I miss home.  I miss my family...even if they are crazy.  I miss to downtime of it all.  Hell, I almost miss the smell.  To me, York isn't home.  But it's Greg's home, and I would never make him uproot his life like I did willingly almost 2 years ago.  (Wow...it's been that long?)  Now I wish I could change that decision.  I'm not a city girl.  This country girl is missing home more than anyone knows.

Even if we were to save money and find a place up there, either Greg or I or both would have to find jobs immediately.  And in this economy, I don't see how that's possible.  Yes, it's looking up, but it could still take an additional 2 years to get on the right track.  Frankly, Greg has a good thing going where he works.  Yes, he's *only* a temp, but he's in good with the bosses.  And apparently the head wearhouse boss is trying to get him a first shift job, as soon as one opens up.  Chris (the wearhouse boss) wants him to stay with the company.  She even offers him overtime when she can.  As much as I hate to say it, he needs this job and we can't really think about moving away from it.

I'm sure my depressive thoughts are not helped by the fact that I've been lacking sleep and sick the past few days.  Since I'm working on trying not to complain so much (especailly to Greg, he doens't need to hear about it all the time) I've "suffered in silence" since Sunday.  I can't seen to get comfortable at night, and when I do, I have the worst nightmares.  Then when I wake up in the morning I have these terrible headaches that don't go away.  I know it might not seem like a whole lot but when you're not sleeping and all you want is sleep?  It starts to get to you.  I'm pretty sure my body is just preparing me for when Little Man comes.  But really body, do we have to start a whole 19 weeks before he's due? 

Hormones are not my friend.  Not my friend at all. 

I think it actually might be time to just relax a little until this headache chills out for a little. 
Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee