I wanted to post this yesterday, but baby boo had other plans.

I was told on Wednesday that I'm going to be receiving a diaper bag that my best friend won! I'm so grateful for having her in my life, and for her to be so excited for this baby. Yes, it was a giveaway but she had us in her mind. Despite her having other friends that are expecting. She chose us. :)

Now Jenn is a great person. She recently got married and just graduated from college. She's been my friend for years and has grown to be much closer than that. She is so strong willed and is so amazing in everything she does. Things might be difficult for her right now, with being a little more than a little bit baby crazy. But she has been so helpful. Even when I was planning the wedding, she was extremely helpful.

I know that this baby is going to be spoiled by her. Well not only her, but she's acting like a true Aunt Nenny.

It makes me feel good that I'm so blessed with people in my life that actively wants to be there. Here comes the waterworks. It's so amazing that I have a support group. I know sometimes I might get lonely, and feel like I have no friends, but I know I do have a few special few. :)

Well now I gotta go clean up my tears now, but until later
~MommyToBee

Nothing like being pregnant and angry.

So...in an earlier post I expressed about some negative influences in my life, and how I do not wish to continue to have them in my life. Well yesterday, it hit the fan again. I was not aware that a private text message was forward to a (now distant) friend of mine. (aka the bitchy gay in the previously mentioned blog) He decided that he wanted to come attack me with words after I refused to discuss something very private with him. This is apparently against everything that of what our friendship was. Apparently I'm acting like a child because I don't want to talk about somethings anymore.

I'm not exactly sure about what text was actually sent but it had to be the one that is somewhere along the lines of: "I'm starting my life here now. I don't always have time to go up there." It is true. It's time for me to grow up. I got my future husband here and I'm pregnant. I can't just drop everything on a whim to come see people who make me feel terrible whenever I see them. I'm tired of just listening to people and them not having the same decency to listen to anyone else.

I just don't understand how you can say that you miss someone and then stab them in the back. The whole situation is too bi polar for me. Not only is it bi polar, it's high school. It's childish. (And here I am, avoiding confrontation by blogging about it.) I'm so over the petty drama, and trying to please them. There's only 3 people I need to worry about making happy right now. That's me, baby-babe, and Greg. And so far, we're all smiles. (except for when I'm bawling)

I guess I'm just really angry. I'm frustrated. I don't have many friends anymore. And that's for a number of reasons. Maybe they stopped coming around. Maybe I didn't really care to keep in contact. Maybe we just grew apart. Sometimes I just feel very alone. I don't have any friends around here, cause I'm too shy. And most of my long friendships are destroyed because of me growing up. A lot has changed for me within the past 11 and a half months, and some can't accept that. I'm not trying to blame other people, I know most of my failed friendships are mostly me to blame. But I'm not going to say "I'm sorry" to everyone who thinks I hurt them. I might be very empathetic, but I'm not that guilty.

So I'm done. I'm done with people trying to break my spirit. There's nothing wrong with me...I'm just becoming an adult. I'm growing up. I'm spreading my wings. Nothing can keep me down anymore. (Morning sickness is the only exception to that rule.)

Pregnancy side note:
Morning sickness is dwindling down even more! I'm so happy about that. Now I only get that "gagging" feeling at the most random times. Like: opening a can of corn, the feeling of wet toilet paper, (don't ask) and the first smell of the bathroom. Mood swings are slowing down, I have more control over them. Cravings though...are up. Way up. I get hungry for everything. And when I want something...I need to have it. I'm trying to control them. But lately they're getting harder to manage. In the morning I get so hungry I actually get hunger pains....as soon as I wake up. I don't like it. Headaches are coming back too. (blah)


Well I'm done with complaining and now my head hurts. So until later!
~MommyToBee

I had a post all ready the other day and it poofed...

...and it poofed. So instead of me trying to remember what I was talking about I'm going to start a brand new post.

I've come to the conclusion that I absolutely hate when people say "well I hope this pregnancy works out." I cannot think of anything more offensive then that statement. I know that people may mean no malice in it, but to me, it's extremely hurtful. I would rather hear; "This is a miracle after your heartbreak." The miscarriage has been a very hard time in my life, but I am not going to let it get me down. Yes, sometimes I worry because I'm not always sick because I'm afraid that something is wrong. I know that it's probably not the case; but it's still a worry in the back of my mind. But everyday I know someone is growing inside of me. And that is a wonderful feeling.

It's so amazing that I'm in the last month of my first trimester, and my belly is getting a little harder. *squeal* I've started thinking about decorating the baby room and baby showers. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love lists, and trust me, I have about a thousand lists ready. Lists for who I want to come to the baby shower, what I want before s/he comes, names, things to do, ect. Oy. Just too much to think about. I know I might be acting a little crazy, but I think this is an ok time to be a little crazy. And I might as well start planning now, because I'm pretty sure that in a few months I'll be more than a little scatterbrained.

With each passing day both Greg and I are getting more and more excited. :) I'm so lucky to have a wonderful man in my life.


Anyway. On Saturday there was a movie on Lifetime called "The Pregnancy Pact". Now, Greg and I watched it and we were appalled. The main plot of it was a small little town had 18 teenage girls get pregnant within one school year. And there was a "pact" that these girls wanted to get pregnant. Now, teen pregnancy is up everywhere. What I don't understand is why anyone under the age of 18 wants to get pregnant. You will not have an adult life and you are "stuck" with your child forever. Most of the time the "man I'm gonna marry" isn't gonna work out. Hell when I was 18 I was engaged to a man. And he turned out to be one of the regrets I have in my life.

I don't know what I would do if I was younger and pregnant. Sometimes I wonder if I'm mature enough now to have a kid. I know I will be. But as for right now, I have no idea if I'm ready now or not. I just wish that I could tell these girls that it's not all fun and games. That it's more than just "dress up" and "having someone to always hold." Having a baby is hard work. Harder than they probably realize.

My sister is 11. And I will kill her if she gets pregnant while she is still in high school. I hope that when she starts thinking about sex that she will come to her big sister. I'm not saying that abstinence isn't the only method. I do believe that contraceptives for teenagers should be accessible. I'm not saying that every kid out there is boinking. Not even half. But, for the ones who are having sex, let's make sure that they can be safe. I am pro-life but not for an "oops. We didn't want to have a condom on."

Sorry, I didn't mean to stand on a soapbox just then.

I'm going to wrap this up right now. But I'll be back a little later this week!

Until Then,
~MommyToBee

Post first appointment

Yesterday was our first appointment. I am currently eight weeks two days along, which is a week less than what I thought. So that brings the due date to August 30Th 2010! Both Greg and I are extremely happy at the news. We also found out that my initial blood work has come back as well as the ultrasound. Everything is looking perfect and right on track. We had an extremely long appointment and it took forever. (About 10 minutes of that was me trying to pee cause no one told me that they will be testing my urine at the office.) When the doctor came in she asked a whole bunch of questions, which I knew was going to happen. Then I got the pleasure of getting that "woman" exam that we all know and love.

After that, we got to ask some questions and go over a STACK of papers and forms and guidelines. I felt kind of stupid asking questions. But she told me that it's no problem, and I'm just trying to be informed. I still felt kind of embarrassed. But I suppose she might be the one delivering the baby so I might as well not worry about it. (I'm going to a clinic where it isn't guaranteed that I'll have the same doctor each time.)

My biggest pet peeve is my weight right now. Since November I put on an additional 12 pounds. Which now puts me in the "morbidly" obese category. I almost fainted when I saw my weight. I was floored. I realize that I have a prescription for a steroid, and that I was on them for a full month before I got pregnant. However, I'm only safely allowed to gain 11- 20 pounds for my whole pregnancy. Now, I don't want to starve my baby or me in this time, and I can understand not putting on a whole lot of weight. She stressed that I need to control what I eat and monitor closely what I'm eating. Excuse me? I have never eaten healthier. I eat 3 balanced meals a day. And my snacks are healthy. (Usually carrots or some peanut butter or almonds) I've cut out a TON of sugar from my diet. No more added salt. (that wasn't real hard for me though) And I no longer drink sugary drinks...including soda. Soda. There has never been a time in my life where I haven't drank soda. And to top it off, she told me that I'm not allowed to have mac and cheese? No, no. That just does not work for me. I'm giving up a lot, and I haven't complained...do not take mac and cheese from me. "Remember you're not really eating for two!"

I know I'm fat. And no, I'm not trying to gain a whole mess of weight. I'm trying very hard to be healthy. I just want the baby to be healthy. I was never one who liked a lot of fruits, but I'm proud that I'm eating more of them. Same with veggies. I'm eating at least 4 servings of veggies a day. I'm quite aware that I should be eating 5, but for the longest time I'd go weeks without a vegetable. So I am trying.

Now, onto the good stuff.

Unfortunately all my pics are on my other computer, and I'm not too sure on how to post them anyway. I'll have to play around with them, probably tomorrow. However, last weekend was a good weekend for some baby stuff. Greg and I bought the crib! Yes, it's second hand, but it's in great condition. And luckily for us, it has the drop down side. Newer models don't have them anymore. Apparently kids were able to push them down, virtually impossible for the one we got. We also got a pack 'n' play, and a belly time toy from a guy that Greg works with. Greg's brother's kind-of-girlfriend offered to buy baby something too. This baby is gonna be so spoiled. This brings the items we have so far to:
1. Crib
2. One baby blanket (green)
3. Pack 'n' play
4. Heavier sleeper (Yes, Jenn, we still have it, and we're gonna use it, as long as it's not a huge baby)
5.) Belly time toy

We also might be getting a stroller/car seat soon as well. Although, that's not a promise. I'll let Greg be the one who decides on that one.

Well that's all for now, but I should have a few more posts through out the week.

Until later
~MommyToBee

Another Rant.

Sorry for the shortage of actual blogs and in return, is me running my mouth.

Now this has been something that I have know for a while. A vast majority of my so-called-friends, are immature. Most of them don't know what a real bill is, nor do they wish to know. They fall back on mommy and daddy. And get angry when anyone calls them out on what they want for their future. I see now that it's been like this the entire time I called them my friends.

Here's some examples of what I mean:

1. Telling me that there is a job up where I used to live. Yes, a job is a great thing to have, especially now. Especially when you don't have one, like me. However, It is an hour and a half from where I live now. And when I brought that up I got: "Well that means you have to move up here!!" This person knew where I lived and that I am engaged. But still expected me to drop my life here so "Ya know, we can hang out again and stuff. I miss you!"

You miss me, really? When was the last time that you texted me just to talk... Call me like we used to? All I am anymore is just someone to listen to you when you and your boyfriend are having problems. You say you want to come and visit me, yet you never make plans. And if we do, you're the one who never follows up. I'm not going to sit around and wait for someone to decide if they want to come here or not.

I know I didn't handle the situation well I know that I flipped out and got angry. But damnit, I'm sick of it. I'm tired of taking the blame when I didn't do anything wrong. After that fight, and how you tired to drag me into more of your drama, I don't think I could ever be friends with you again. Yes, it's harsh, and no I probably won't tell you in person; but I'm still hurt. I don't think our friendship hasn't been the same for a while now. I saw who you really were, and I'm shocked that it took me so long to figure it out.

2.) Okay, you're 24...and we lived together for a little less than a year. I scraped and saved to contribute to YOUR bills, to feed YOUR mouth, to pay for YOUR car insurance...I was nothing more to you than a glorified maid. And what did I get? Oh yea, resentment. Because I moved on. I am so grateful that you showed me the absolutely most amazing person I have ever met, my future husband. However, that does not mean you control our lives. You can wish on the highest star that your mom will save you from the mountains of debt that you have put yourself into. We both know that she is through with trying to save your ass.

Now you tell me that you are planning on moving...and going to college? And you're wondering if I want to move back in with you? Because you lost your job and your fiancee cannot find work? I told you, I would never want to live with you again...and I mean it.

3.) It is my choice who I want around my baby...and me as a matter of fact. Don't assume you'll have a bigger role than just a common acquaintance. (There's a reason why I don't beg you to come down here... the bitchy gay persona is no longer cool.) Get a life, and stop acting like you're better than everyone else.

And I swear this is the last one...
4.) You had your chance. Forget about me, forget about Greg, forget about my baby. You'll never see us again. To think, I used to worship you. I used to love you so much that I thought you would do no wrong. You discarded me so many times and I kept crawling back. Now that I found someone who loves me for me, you want to play the role of over protective, jealous ex; when we never even been in a relationship. Who's making up stories now? How DARE you ask me personal questions. Questions that you have no business to ask. Then you throw it back in my face? It's done. It's over. Something I thought I could never say to you. Delete me from your life, like you claim to do with all your other "projects". I guess that's all I ever really was to you. Now I can say that you've let me down like everyone has let down you.


Again, I am sorry for the rant. I promise I will post an actual baby post on Tuesday after our *gasp* appointment! We'll find out when my due date is and how the baby is doing. I'm also praying that we get to have a sonogram. It might be a long stretch, but one can only hope! Hopefully I'll have pictures too.

Until then
~MommyToBee

No way I'll pay 100,000 for a nursery.

Hey everyone.

I was bored earlier, so naturally I've been looking at all things I'll need for the baby's room. And I stumbled across some celebrity nurseries. I cannot believe how much money they spend. A custom crib....$26,000. No no no. That does not work for my thrifty mind. Hell, I might not even spend $200 dollars for a new crib. I mean, I want the crib to be safe and strudy. But if it's second hand? I really don't mind.

And why does everything need to match? Why does the wall paper match the molding around the windows? The curtins need to match the bumper pads? The stuffed animals need to match the carpet? And all of this matches everything? Yes it would be nice to have it so "perfect" but let's face it...babies like to ruin "perfect" things. They poop. They spit up. It's a fact of life.

So, no I don't want to spend 100,000 dollars on a nursery that my baby will eventually out grow. And yes, my child will have some nice new outfits. But around the house? Who cares if he's wearing hand me downs? I grew up on hand me downs. And in this economy that's all me and Greg can afford.

Money is extremely tight for us right now. I'm not working and Greg is working as many extra hours his job throws his way. I don't want to sound like we're poor, but we don't have extra money. And I make sure to budget down to every penny. And I save every penny too. So when I see people blowing money on things that I could never dream about affording, it makes me mad. I'm glad that some people can afford to give their children all the things they want. It just doesn't seem fair. There is people who don't know how they can feed their children and others just throw their money away on senseless things.

Sorry for the rant. I just get disguested with the "rich".

Until later.
~MommyToBee

Morning sickness attacks morning, noon and night?

Hey all.

Although I am so happy to be pregnant I am seriously starting to hate the pregnancy symptoms. Such as: nausea, peeing every 5 minutes, hunger, exhaustion, stomach pains from digestive troubles, backaches, and migraine headaches are starting to wear thin. Oh, and I forgot to mention the mood swings. Poor Greg. If I'm not yelling at him for something completely random, or laughing hysterically at a tiny detail; I'm bawling my eyes out. Yesterday, I cried all day. And I was really crying over nothing at all. But I could not stop.

Maybe it's my own fault though. Every morning I tell the baby to make me as sick as they want to, just to let me know that he or she is in there. I can handle being sick and moody as long as in eight or so months the baby comes home with me, healthy. I know that the more sick you are, and the more you feel like absolute crap, the better is for the baby. (Strange but more than one pregnant woman has told me that.) I've been trying pretty much any old wives tale for some of my symptoms. Like, when you're tired take a little break from what you're doing and rest up a little. Morning sickness: eat 2 saltines before you even move to wake up in the morning and drink peppermint tea. (So did not work well at ALL) Peeing all the time? Drink more milk. Tired: take naps (no, duh) And with migraines I've tried cold compresses.

If I could find something to help me from being a raging b*tch, I would definitely take that.

If I could find something to stop me from crying every time I breathe, I would take that too.

And I learned that the wonderful experience of morning sickness doesn't just happen in the morning. It does, though, happen all the time. Mine likes to strike between lunch and dinner. And then after dinner, I will have heartburn and hiccups; no matter what I eat.

It is a wonderful thing to know that you have something living inside of you for 9 months, but it is hell on you until the critter pops out. I'm only 7 weeks and I feel like crud. I've felt like crud since as soon as the baby was made. But, I will live with it everyday if I have to.

Until next time.

~MommyToBee