So...in an earlier post I expressed about some negative influences in my life, and how I do not wish to continue to have them in my life. Well yesterday, it hit the fan again. I was not aware that a private text message was forward to a (now distant) friend of mine. (aka the bitchy gay in the previously mentioned blog) He decided that he wanted to come attack me with words after I refused to discuss something very private with him. This is apparently against everything that of what our friendship was. Apparently I'm acting like a child because I don't want to talk about somethings anymore.
I'm not exactly sure about what text was actually sent but it had to be the one that is somewhere along the lines of: "I'm starting my life here now. I don't always have time to go up there." It is true. It's time for me to grow up. I got my future husband here and I'm pregnant. I can't just drop everything on a whim to come see people who make me feel terrible whenever I see them. I'm tired of just listening to people and them not having the same decency to listen to anyone else.
I just don't understand how you can say that you miss someone and then stab them in the back. The whole situation is too bi polar for me. Not only is it bi polar, it's high school. It's childish. (And here I am, avoiding confrontation by blogging about it.) I'm so over the petty drama, and trying to please them. There's only 3 people I need to worry about making happy right now. That's me, baby-babe, and Greg. And so far, we're all smiles. (except for when I'm bawling)
I guess I'm just really angry. I'm frustrated. I don't have many friends anymore. And that's for a number of reasons. Maybe they stopped coming around. Maybe I didn't really care to keep in contact. Maybe we just grew apart. Sometimes I just feel very alone. I don't have any friends around here, cause I'm too shy. And most of my long friendships are destroyed because of me growing up. A lot has changed for me within the past 11 and a half months, and some can't accept that. I'm not trying to blame other people, I know most of my failed friendships are mostly me to blame. But I'm not going to say "I'm sorry" to everyone who thinks I hurt them. I might be very empathetic, but I'm not that guilty.
So I'm done. I'm done with people trying to break my spirit. There's nothing wrong with me...I'm just becoming an adult. I'm growing up. I'm spreading my wings. Nothing can keep me down anymore. (Morning sickness is the only exception to that rule.)
Pregnancy side note:
Morning sickness is dwindling down even more! I'm so happy about that. Now I only get that "gagging" feeling at the most random times. Like: opening a can of corn, the feeling of wet toilet paper, (don't ask) and the first smell of the bathroom. Mood swings are slowing down, I have more control over them. Cravings though...are up. Way up. I get hungry for everything. And when I want something...I need to have it. I'm trying to control them. But lately they're getting harder to manage. In the morning I get so hungry I actually get hunger pains....as soon as I wake up. I don't like it. Headaches are coming back too. (blah)
Well I'm done with complaining and now my head hurts. So until later!
~MommyToBee
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