Two posts within 24 hours? *tmi!*

Both of my men are sleeping soundly.  Although I was so against co-sleeping in the beginning I'm really enjoying it.   I just find it very funny that a tiny 16 pound baby takes up more room than his not so little mommy.


It does pose it's problems though.  For one, Greg and I can't have...alone time.  Granted my sex drive is ohhhh next to zero but it is starting to come back (I'll explain why in a moment).  It's kind of hard to have sexiness and adult cuddles when there's a little guy in between.  Perhaps I might move his crib into our room.  From there we might transition him to his own room?  I don't know.  In fact, I'm pretty sure he would do great in his crib, in his own room.  I think I'm the one who will have separation anxiety.


But, I can't sleep with him in the bed anymore.  It's painful for me since I sleep on the edge of the bed.  Never have I had so many knots in my back.  But its so easy to put him back to sleep!  He starts crying, I pull out a boobie and within 5 minutes he's clunked out and I'm off to dream land.


But, there is a price to pay.  Greg and I have been having some issues lately.  My sex drive has been non existent since Boo was born.  Which its normal for new moms to just not be in the mood like they once were.  It's especially hard for me since I am so disgusted by my new "motherly" body.  Let's face it.  I am super obese.  It's not even a matter of aesthetics anymore.  It's a health issue.  When I look in the mirror, I want to cry.  I am proud of every stretch mark that handsome little boy gave me...but...Momma is ready to lose the weight.


Sorry, I got off track.


Point is, Greg has never been more attracted to me.  He says that I am even more beautiful then the day he met me because I am the mother of his child.  (OMG can you say AWWWW?)  But I don't feel beautiful.  In fact, I feel down right ugly.  Since I don't have any self esteem...I don't want sex.  Which leads to me asking Greg about a million times a day why he can't keep his hands off of me or why he can't just be sweet instead of raunchy all the time. 


Because of this, I slowly started to tap out of the relationship.


I'll admit it.  I am madly in love with my fiancee.  I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with him.  But, I was prepared to walk away from it all and tell him that I can't be what he wants me to be anymore.


When I told him that I was getting ready to leave with Jaden for a week...he finally got the message.


He understood that I need a break from our little guy.  Yes, I love him with all my heart...but Momma needs a little breather.  I need to spend a few hours away so I remember what it's like to miss Greg.   And I need a chance to be away from Boo so he doesn't always cling to me.  I might sound selfish...but I give up so much already.  I would give anything for them.  But right now.  I need just a little for me.

We just have to work on a few things.  I'm not ready to give up.  But I'm also not willing to be walked over like I was.

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

Call me old fashioned...

This year has been one of the best years of my life.  And in this Christmas season I've decided that I want to show my family and loved ones just how special they are to me.  I will admit, in previous years I wouldn't give much thought to a gift.  I'd simply would get a gift certificate for whomever I was thinking about.  However, this year, I want to make it a little more personal.

Although, I am having a real hard time thinking of presents for some people.  I don't associate with anyone who is "difficult" to shop for persey, but I'm still horrible at gift giving.  Everything I seem to think is a "good fit" is either too generic or somehow not right. 

Yes, I have tons of ideas...I'm just hoping that people would actually enjoy them this year.  This truly is the first year that I'm putting real thought into presents.  Everyone...not just Jaden and Greg.

Speaking of which...I cannot for the life of me figure out anything I want for Christmas.  Oh well, I guess Greg is on his own. :P

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

Ohh, here's our little Charlie Brown Tree

Am I becoming one of those hippy moms?

Okay...let me first say...that last year at this time I was *newly* pregnant.  Yes, I knew already.  I was practically sick from day one.

With that being said...onto the post:

I'm not exactly sure how to word this, but I'm going to try my best. 

I have been thinking about different things I want to do for Jaden.  I knew I wanted to breastfeed for at least 6 weeks.  Then it became 3 months...then 6...then a year.  Now, I'm thinking I want to let him self wean.  Not only do I want to self wean, but I also want to continue to pump (as long as I'm still producing milk) and donating it.  *Which I haven't told Greg...I'm sure he would be supportive...after much discussion* 


Something that newly popped into my head was maybe to start cloth diapering.  I realize I might be crazy...but I think it'll be good.  I have no idea why I'm thinking I want to start, but I think it's because I realize how much money we spend on disposable diapers.  Seriously, he goes through about 14 diapers a day and that means we go through about 400 diapers a month!  That adds up quick.  And besides, cloth diaper covers are so cute.  (And can be made from old t-shirts)

Yes, I know I might sound a little nuts.  I've become a co-sleeping, breastfeeding, cloth diaper considering, vaccinating, possible extended rear facing, baby wearing momma.

Pretty much, I'm becoming a "hippy" mom.  And I'm okay with that. 

Just further shows how your life changes with that first cry.  And will continue to change as he grows.

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

Christmas Shopping

I'm not going to lie, this is the first year in about, oh, 15 years that I've been excited for Christmas.  How can I not be?  It's Boo's first Christmas...and that's a big deal for me.  Yes, this year is more for Greg and I to celebrate...but it's still going to be a good year. 

Although I'm so excited for Christmas to come...I hate Christmas shopping.  And what exactly do you get a then 4 month old?  Yea...no clue.  We already got him a bumbo seat...which I'm sure he's going to love.  But other than that...what to get him?  Clothes?  Diapers?  

I'm clueless. 

His dad however...has NO shortage of a Christmas list for me.  Everything from gift cards to a tattoo to an air brush with an air compressor.  Pretty much he wants stuff that he can say "oooo look what I got" then not to mess with it again. 

'Cause that's the kind of man he can be.  No doubt, both of my men are going to make out like bandits..even if it breaks the bank slightly.   What can I say...they deserve the best.  No...I don't want to blow all of our money on material things because that's not what Christmas is about.  However, Greg gave up a lot this past year...and if I wanna spoil Jaden a little...that's my choice.

For me, I don't want anything.  I just want Jaden and Greg to have a good day.  I did want a moby wrap, but I don't want anyone to spend the money on it.  I think it's too much, and way too "lavish" for me.

Well, the kiddo is waking up.  Gotta wrap this up.

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

Oh Noes...I use my breasts for what??? *slight TMI*

I do not claim to be a "lactivist" by any definition of the word.  I do not want to be critical of how any mother plans to feed their child.  But, I have to say this.



*Stands on soapbox*
I know that some women do not want to be bothered with the demand/ stress/ some times painful process of breastfeeding.  Honestly, I could give two shits if you want to give your child artificial milk, pumped breast milk, or milk "straight from the tap".  Breast is best.  *Added:  If you are doing meth, maybe you shouldn't breastfeed.*  It's proven.  However, I know that it's not for everyone.  Again...I don't care what you do with your child. 


For me, I prefer to give my son the "boobie milk".  And no, I don't want to be bothered with bottles.  I'm lazy.  Who wants to get a clean bottle, make sure the formula is mixed properly, warm (but not too warm) and then clean a bottle once baby is done?  Pshhh In the middle of the night all I have to do is pull out my breast and stick it in his mouth.  That's ultimate convince.

I didn't always feel this way.  I was brought up that babies get bottles...and that breasts were for sex.  As a mother, I see things completely different.  However, I am still amazed at some people's ignorance on breastfeeding.  Now, I am not an expert by any means.  Yes, I've only been breastfeeding for 75 days but that's still longer than some women.  (Again, I'm not trying to dismiss any women's choice on how they feed their children.)

The other day I was at the local flea market and we stopped for milkshakes.  The stand is run by a woman and her daughter usually is there also.  The woman (who we saw very often while I was pregnant) asked if she could hold the baby.  I didn't mind.  Her granddaughter (6) came up and asked "Nana, are you keeping that baby?"  To which she replied "No honey, I don't have any formula."  Her daughter then wrinkled her nose (as did I) as her granddaughter asked "What's that?"  I won't lie, it made me feel good.  That question should be asked more often.  Later on in the day though, I got looks when I openly nursed Jaden.  I try to be modest.  I go into the bathroom to latch him on.  And I try to keep a blanket over my bare breast.  It doesn't always work, since little man loathes a cover.  (Who can blame him?  I wouldn't want a blanket over my head/ food while I ate.)  I still get looks.  I still see the thought pop into people's heads "What is she doing?"

Even tonight:  We were out to dinner with Greg's family.  Jaden was SO good though the whole meal until close to the end.  He was hungry.  I went to the bathroom, latched him on and came back out.  His Aunt Rachael questioned if I should just feed him in the bathroom since there was a lot of teenage boys in the restaurant.  I simply said "Nope.  I'm not ashamed of what I'm doing."  And I'm not.  Nothing was showing.  I practically had my head under the blanket too so Jaden wouldn't pull the blanket off.  Once he fell asleep, I unlatched him and held him.  (He ate for a total of 5 minutes.) And all without showing a hint of nipple.

This makes me mad.  I'm sorry but if it was a bottle I wouldn't be stared at.  But since I have a child basically attached to me, I'm doing something "dirty."  I don't sit with my boob out; nor do I try to bring extra attention to myself and what I'm doing.  No, I don't think that there are "perverts" out there who are watching me nursing my son and getting sick ideas in their head.  Because if I did, that just further fuels the misconception that what I'm doing is a "sexual" act. 

*Jumps off soapbox*

Maybe, I'm a lactivist after all.

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

I hate shots.

Jaden had his 2 month appointment on Tuesday.  He's now a whopping 14lbs 13oz.  He is 25 inches long and his head is 16 and 1/4 inches big.  I cannot believe how huge he is.  I guess that "momma's milk" is helping.  He is doing perfect.  The doctor told me that he is meeting all of his milestones and is "right on track".  No teethers yet...and definitely NO thrush!  YAY!

And then...he got shots.

OH LORD!  I cried more than he did!  But he did well...until that afternoon.  He woke up from his "drug" induced nap and screamed.  He didn't want to be held, or layed down, or standing up (on his legs), or walked around.  He wasn't wet, he didn't have gas, no interest in eating, or sleeping.   He was just miserable.  Finally, he calmed down enough for me to nurse him for about 30 seconds until he passed out. 

It wasn't fun, let me tell you.

That's all for my quick update.  Now it's off to do some tummy time and play. 

...Have I mentioned how much I LOVE this job?!?  It's seriously the best.

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee

Teething already?!

There is new found evidence that my son isn't really a newborn.  He is, in fact, a very (okay, maybe not so tiny) toddler.  Most newborns love to cuddle.  Nope...not my little porker.  He likes to stand on Mommy's belly and blow raspberries.  (Which is ADORABLE!)  He tries to talk.  And if you don't talk to him, watch out.  He will get mad and scream.  The latest in my reasoning for not believing I have a "itty bitty baby" is the fact that he may be teething!  Good grief!  I can't handle this.  Where's my little baby?

Oh, that's right...I have born to an infant...not a newborn.  How could I have forgotten?

While most people think I'm insane for saying my son is teething:  I do have my reasons.  We have been successfully breastfeeding for 8...yes..EIGHT...weeks now!  I know that there is a little pain associated with breastfeeding, but not this far in the game.  Nor, will it suddenly happen after the pain being gone for weeks.  He has a new found habit of biting on my nipple (Sorry, TMI)  and then RIPPING his mouth away.  Yes, it's a tiny bit painful.  Not only that, but he has discovered his hands and proceeds to bite on them.  Plus, a low grade fever.   Plus, excessive drooling.  Plus, he is fussy.  PLUS, tugging on his ears.  I am almost 100% sure that my little man...at 8 weeks old...is teething. (I'm only unsure because there is a possiblity that it could be thrush...and i'm not sure which I'd prefer.)

He's growing up too fast.  :(

But other than that...he's too perfect. 

Over the past few weeks his personality is showing a lot more.  He's very laid back.  And nosey.  He can be content hanging out by himself, but he perfers to be talked to.  Jaden likes to be vocal...and if you are paying attention to something other than him...he'll let you know.  Not only that, he's exploring his world in ways he can.  I must say, it makes me proud as a Momma.

Lots of firsts have already happened.   First trick or treat night.  First giggle.  First raspberry blown.  First smile.  Many more to come.  :D 

Happy Early Two Month Birthday, Jaden!

Until Next Time:
~MommyToBee